Chibi Akatsuki
by QueenOfFanFicWorldLoveGunner
Summary: AU. Following the Akatsuki through their young lives from toddlers to teens. As they face many dreaded obsticles... Like puberty, and Exams. STRONG LANGUAGE because Hidan is a naughty baby.
1. Open for Buisness

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, Akatsuki, or anyone else used in this story.

YAY! It's my next big story! CHIBI AKATSUKI!

DEH R SO COOTZ U JUZ HAB 2 LUB DEM!

... Why do I have a sudden realization that no guys would read my stories? ... Why do I have a suspision that very few guys write Fanfiction?

Am I a member of a female dominated workplace? I feel so steriotypical!

Okay, now that my masterpiece SOS is almost done. Now it time for ANOTHER Akatsuki AU story! Now I'll probably just leave this single chapter up for a while untill I finish SOS, but since this is all done and ready- I'll give the sneak-peek.

In this story- we get more action from the series' main cast! not to mention slightly more put-together family lives, and there shouldn't be any deaths! OR Asylum break ins!

BWHAHAHA! FEAR MEH WRATH!

Now, originally this was going to be a doujin. But I can't get onto my DeviantArt any more, so even if I did have a scanner to put it up there- well. I write slow and my drawing is supremely amature.

But I wansta be a MANGAKA when I getz big! Den I can be JUST LIKE JIRAIYA-SENSEI! ... XD no, that's my dream. To be like Jiraiya, be incredibley immature, epicly perverted, and still be wise, cool, awsome, famous, and RICH!

Kishimoto-Kun says Jiraiya's fortune is the same amount as Tsunade's gambling debts. So you KNOW he's loaded!

Yay for porn!... Now for BABIES! Because in all reality, we all know that babies are always the result of porn...

-**Open for Buisness**-

"What do you _mean_ my brother left me his Daycare?"

Yelled Madara Uchiha...

Just last month, Madara had received a letter from his old rival- I mean old best friend...

Hashirama Senju was Mayor of the state of Konoha, and had been since his friend left to fight the Wars. They'd known eachother since they were young, so Hashirama knew that, to assure Madara would _read_ his letter. Put it in a big, bright red envelope that read 'Very Importaint! Open and Read thoroughly, and Answer, or I'll come to your Camp and Take You by Force'

Madara had a habit of being the steriotypical, big, strong, and dumb man sometimes, despite him actually graduating with a 4.0 grade point adverage, and being the top of his army class, enough so to be MVK. Most Valuable Killer. So Hashirama knew he would have to capiatalize the right words to get him to realize this was urgent.

"Well, Madara," He started, standing up from his desk so that he could better communicate and go to an area where his friend might not destroy his desk. "I expected such from you. I'm guessing you were hoping for his half of the family inheritance?"

"I'm going to get that anyway." He noted, then taking a deep breath, dreading his next sentance. "What I mean is- Izuna _had_ a Daycare Center?"

Hashirama blinked, and then face-palmed. Madara was in one of the moments where he decided to be an idiot, although his friend knew this was so that he could seceretly get all the information he desired, it didn't make things any less annoying. "Yes, Madara, Izuna was running a Daycare Center. Did he never tell you? He wrote you a letter almost every day."

"... I skimmed them." Hashirama blanched, stared at his camo-clad friend. And decided that he was a imbecile.

"He was your only brother!" He shouted, almost making a show with waving his arms about. "How could you be so _calm?_"

Madara sighed, now he had to explain the workings of his mind to this imbecile again. "Well, I'm sure if I had done something that had caused his death, I'd go crazy, gain a retarded second personality, start an evil organization and try to take over the world over it. But it's not like I ripped his eyeballs from their sockets so he couldn't see that giant bus about to run him over."

Hashirama stared at the other man long and hard. "... You know you disgust me, right?"

"Since the forth grade."

"... Ugh," He groaned moving to pick up a paper on his desk so he could avoid any more direct eye contact. "_Anyway._ You have a while to get things in order, but on Friday you have to hold your sign-ups. With the owner changing, the parents have to re-sign-up and make sure they want to intrust their kids to you now. I've delt with all the rennovations and money matters, and Tsuki's telling all her friends and-..." Hashirama blinked his eyes. Heat raising to his temples, because he had a feeling he was about to get very, very aggrivated. "...Madara?"

"Yea?" Said the man. Crossing his arms and starting to feel very bored in the Buisness room.

"...Have you kept in contact with Tsuki?"

"Huh? well, she sent me letters, but since we broke up when I left, I figured they were all death threats."

Hashirama knew he should have expected this. He swallowed his pride and anger, set the prop-paper back down on his desk, and glared a hole through Madara's skull. "Tsuki had a son, Madara." A few seconds of silence. "... _Your,_ son."

Now, as we've already seen, Madara doesn't take serious news in the normal fashion. "...Cool, wuzzhiz name?"

Hashirama took a deep, deep breath. "... Tobi, Madara. Your sons name is Tobi."

"As in- Keith?"

"Who?"

"Nevermind."

"It's Tobi as in Tobirama. My brother's the one that's been helping her with being a Mother and all since _you_ left."

Madara nodded, "Cool, so they screwin?"

Hashirama felt a heart attack coming in his very near future. "_No, _Madara. My brother is married." There was silence for a few minutes, and Hashirama had time to wonder if Madara was acting so incredibley _stupid_ because he _wanted_ to give him a heart attack... That was probably true, but another thought hit his head. "...I'm married too, you know."

"To who?"

"To Mito! Mito, Madara! you were there when I proposed! we have a _daughter!"_

"Heeey, Mito Uzumaki? not cool, you know I was totally crushing on her in highschool!" Hashirama felt the muscles in his face twitch.

"...Madara, you've seen my daughter, and you arranged my hell-bound bachelor party. Remember? The mattress on the roof thing?"

"Yes Hashi-Chan, I remember your little twerp. That girl was blonde wasn't she? did you ever find the real Father?"

Hashirama- really had nothing to react to that sentance. "... Mito's Mother is blonde, Madara."

"Oh, I get it, Mr. President can't have bad press coverage or he won't get re-elected." Hashirama felt his hands slowly going up, begging his mind to let them strangle the Uchiha's neck.

"... _Moving on Madara."_ He growled instead. Steadying his hands. "This is a serious issue Madara, what are you going to do?"

Madara thought for a second. "Uhhh, run it?"

"Really? you're not going to break down and sell it to the next pedophile you see?"

"Hey, I can take care of a house full of kids for an extended period of time!" Haha, Madara knows Hashirama hates detailed speech patterns.

Effectively, Hashirama twitched again. "I'm not sure."

"I can _do it_ Hashi-Chan, the army said that I need to take a break anyway, after the whole massacre I completed all by myself." Madara paused, for annoyance effect. "I can do it, why couldn't I?"

Hashirama had a list of reasons. And a melee of ones legally related, be he chose the one that would strike the thickest cord in his friends skull. "You're not exactly responsible, Madara."

"What? how am I not responsible?"

"In Junior High, you got so enraged that the teacher gave you B+, you stalked him for three months trying to get him suspended."

"Hey, I saved the town!"

"Yes, Madara. I know. No one had guessed Mr. Gokuma had a collection of kiddie porn. But you certainly went through stupid extremes to reveil it."

"I can handle a couple of snot-nosed suger addicts. Seriously, I'll see you Friday."

Madara turned out and left the place before Hashirama could decide wether to let him or not. After reaching the front porch, Madara was allowed to take a moment and switch off the 'Annoy Hashirama Mode' in his brain. So now that his thoughts had been drawn away from such matters. He began screaming curses very, very loudly.

-Friday

"Damn Brother, what were you on when you designed _that?"_ Madara Uchiha was currently staring up at the big, colorful, bulging, and slightly scary, sign above the building that read 'Akatsuki Care'

It even looked like there were traces of sparkles on the sign. Ew, sparkles, Madara believes sparkles are the work of Satan. And Satan is like, the worst badguy in history. Like worse then whoever The Flash fights...

His giddy little brother had even thought up a corny slogan, under the sign had 'Preparing your children for the new Dawn' wow, if he was still alive, Madara'd probably beat him up for thinking up something like _that._

Madara had settled back into his Uchiha mansion. The Uchiha family went back thousands of years, and was now branched out in many directions. Nope, no way the family could suddenly die out.

On the outside, the Daycare was colored in pastel blues, pinks and yellows that slightly made Madara want to vomit. There was a small, white, steriotypical picket fence surrounding the front yard, which had a little garden, stone walkway, and currently a booth that read 'Reopening sign-ups, free today only!' in thick, red lettering.

Around back, the backyard was wide and surrounded by a little river, which on the other side led to thick, dense woods. Toys and other crap Madara would be dreading seeing the next few-... ah crap, he was stuck with this thing forever wasn't he?

He shook his head and went through the glass sliding backdoor. Which led to the big, main room. At the head of which was his desk, which had a cute little chalk board on the front, currently reading 'Welcome all newcomers'

-Five Minutes Later

The bathroom had a couple changing tables, some training potties and three stalls. Along with a small bath. Madara flushed the toilet he'd just puked in and returned to the main room.

The floors were light wood and covered with multi-colored rugs. Along with three diffrent tea tables, complete with plastic tea sets. The right wall was lined with baby cribs, each decorated diffrently. And if Madara hadn't had a small breakfast he probably would have re-entered the bathroom.

There were many other toys that would make any child glee. From doll houses, a entire toy box full of Barbies and other types of baby dolls, toy cars, several things that were too unique for a catagory, a bookcase full of story, coloring and pop-up books, a stack of puzzles and boardgames, and in the corner of the room, a small TV, with tiny little couches surrounding it, and one love seat. Next to his desk was a small counter, fridge, and a small oven.

Madara rolled his eyes, this place was big enough to hold over twenty kids, not to mention the cribs for small infants that a few of the surrounding states have probably forbidden him to handle... Which reminded him, was he still wanted for anything?... Oh well, at least the fridge was stocked.

-Later

Hashirama exited his limo at the exact moment the clock struck the time that sign-ups were open. To his surprise, Madara was actually at his post when this happened.

He walked up the the tiny booth Madara sat behind. "How much for a kiss?"

"Fifty ryo, plus your car." Grumbled the man, suddenly feeling rather gay inside the pinkish booth. "Whatta you want?"

"Tsuki's busy, two jobs plus college classes and all."

"Always was one for smarts."

"Wonder what she saw in you." Growled the Mayor. "I'm signing your sons name in."

"Yay, when do I get to actually see the little spawn of evil?" He grumbled again quite boredly.

"Tommarow, for your grand opening." He noted, signing the name 'Tobi Uchiha' in. Then another. "I'll be bringing him, and my daughter."

"Kay," He mumbled, leaning his head on his hand. "Anything else you need kind sir? My soul maybe?"

"How about a promise you won't let any of these children get killed? A Daycare just last month caught fire and killed people. So tell me you'll remember to turn the stove off."

"Yes Mommy. I know the number for emergency too."

The two heatedly stayed there and glared fiercely for a couple of minutes before Madara noticed a rusty station wagon tumbled into place, narrowly missing Hashirama's limo. Damn.

"Am I early!" Yelled a scratchy old voice from inside.

"No ma'am, you're right on time." Answered Hashirama.

"Dammit! And I was looking forward to something to complain about!" The gray-haired woman pulled herself out of the car, she wore her hair partly in a bun and was wearing a pink moo-moo with a poka-dotted apron. "I'll just have to go to the grocery store and argue about the vegtable prices."

Madara and Hashirama both stared at the cranky old woman come up the walkway, before the former nudged the latter. "How much do you have to cooperate with the grown-ups in this business?"

"Are you thinking of holding any fund raisers any time soon?" Yes, Madara had been hoping to have one so he could- well, he actually didn't have anything to spend on, but he did want to do something that- um, included money. Yeah, money. Money is nice.

Speaking of such. The old woman threw a few pennies into the tip jar, and then basicly lunged onto the table and started scribbling. "I need someone to watch my grandson when I don't feel like it. He's anti-social and annoying. Just sits there all day and breaths, enough to drive someone crazy. My dead cat is more active then him."

Madara looked up, but in the time it took him to blink, Hashirama was heading for the limo, and away from the scary, short old woman. "Uhhh, yeah, just sign your name, your kids name and-"

"I know how to sign in the instructions are right infront of me you stupid old coot!" Old? He was barely forty! She was the one with all the sagging wrinkles and grayness. "Now he'll be here whenever I feel like bringing him here... You don't do all nights do you?"

Madara checked the rule sheet, it was easier to follow his brothers old rules then come up with new ones. He read off the sheet: "Any children whose parents have not come or are not able to be picked up by the closing time, will be allowed to sleep over at the Center with it's volenteered employees. If a parent has failed to contact-"

"Yes yes, fine... Think you could make all-nights sometimes? Cause me and my girls' Bingo matches can go all night."

Madara sneered slightly. But he brought up the rule book and took out a marker. "Fridays will allow sleep overs for any or all children. But they must then be picked up by their spawners by evening the next day."

"Good," The old woman finished scribbling and smacked the little pen down. "See ya' later suckah!" She turned around and trotted back down the pathway. As another car, a white van with lettering on the side about something, Madara quickly pulled out his black notepad that he was going to use to keep 'personal notes'

"Note." He checked the name the lady had written. "Charge Chiyo Akasuna extra for _everything._" He underlined the last word three times. When he was done, a red-head with long hair up in a messy bun walked up to the booth. The woman was in a black buisness suit and had mild eye shadow over her eyes. "Well hello nurse." He said almost automaticly.

"Hello Madara," A few seconds untill he regonized the voice.

"Mito?"

"Yes, Madara." She crossed her arms and gave him a coy grin. "Nice to see you again. Sorry about Izuna, Congratulations about Tobi,"

"You missed your hubbie."

"He's obsessed with trying to catch you slip up." She noted, "But enough about that. I've been elected head of the orphanage I used to work at. I have a couple customers for you."

"Aren't orphanages, like, daycares for all the time?"

"Usually, but we've lost a few caretakers last month and need to enroll a couple kids for mornings to late evenings. Plus it'll help make you look better."

Madara grinned. "So you're on my side?"

"Well, I'm on actualities side. Because I trust you know what you're doing and that Hashirama's just paranoid. You're not at all as bad as you act you are."

"Aww, you never got over me did you?"

"Cute," Was all she replied. She took one of the sign-in sheets. "We have one troublemaker that the remaining caretakers which to have very little of. Then we have three newbies, and one child that's very withdrawn, so I'm hoping you can take care of them all. They'll be the ones here mostly, along with any others that the help can't handle."

"Nice, I'm almost thinking about being alittle bit close to maybe feeling slightly nervous." Which was true, because Madara is very indecisive. "I don't gotta hire any help, do I?"

"As long as you don't have too many infants, child services should leave you alone." She straigtened up and waved him goodbye. "Have fun."

Madara took out his notepad. "Note to self, Mito still digs me." It was fake, and he knew it, but it was nice material to bug Hashirama with later.

The next person didn't come untill about fifteen minutes later. It was a silver, buisness man car. And out of it came a gray-clothed, buisness man. The back door opened and a smaller person came out. They both strolled up to the booth.

"I don't have much time, so I'd like you to answer a few of my questions quickly." Said the dark-skinned buisness man.

"Yes sir,"

"How many children are you expecting to care for?"

"Well, the limit is thirty, but I've only gotten under ten signed up so far."

"What foods will you be serving?"

"Uh, finger foods unless the kids are here past seven, then probably make a dinner, depending on how many kids are left. With all the edible ingredients." Madara had already thought through all this. But nothing relaxes you more then a good-old fashioned smart-assing session.

None the less, the man seemed to hardly care. "Do you have any past convictions?"

"No sir," Flat-out lie. At least several probably.

"Are you sure." Okay this was a smart one. "I trust the goverment not to let a convicted sex offender run a Daycare, but at least tell me what you have on you in this state."

Ah that was an easy one. "Lessee, I broke into my School a couple times in Junior High and High School. I was thrown out of three concerts and one park for disturbing the peace. I was in a four-car-pile up infront of the Police Station, fifteen bar fights in my college days, and... oh, I shop lifted a novel for a birthday present when I was twelve."

The man registered everything in his brain for a few seconds. "Alright, you're approved." Either by some slim chance this guy has a sense of humor, or he's the biggest asshole in history. "My own warnings: My son will only watch the classic Disney movies, he hates sweets, will not sleep with a light in the room, and might have a dust mite allergy."

"Might?"

"He might just be being smart. But he starts sneezing whenever he cleans something." While the man filled in the sheet. Madara leaned over the booth to look at the child who was effectively shorter then it.

"Hey kid, you tryin' to get out of chores?"

The boy looked like his father, except for a pair of bright green eyes, and his dark hair reached his shoulders. He had healed scars on his face. He looked up at Madara, sounding and looking far more proffesional then a normal child. "I don't know what you're talking about. The Doctors are convinced."

"Yeah, well, some Doctors like money, some Doctors like ladies, some Doctors like cars. And some are just idiots. Just like some kids are smarter then they should be."

"True, I approve also." He noted then turned his head to signal that he no longer desired to talk to him.

Madara flinched, a smartass already, and he wouldn't be allowed to cuss around them. Great.

The Father finished the writting. "He'll be here after School untill at least nine o'clock. Or else he may have to stay the night. Weekends he shouldn't need to be here unless I have a buisness trip."

"Friday's super-fun sleep-over night." Madara gave one of his signature evil grins.

"We'll start tomarrow, thank you for your time." The adults shook hands, Madara stood up for a second to reach down and shake the childs. Then the two turned and stolled away back towards their car, while two others pulled up.

One of the cars doors opened immidiantly, a woman ran out and up to the booth, earning annoyed looks from the last Father. The woman worriedly muttered apoliges and other words under her breath. She got there and stood straight up with a worried face. "Are you racist?"

Madara was effectively thrown off by the comment. The woman had a green summerdress on with a designer purse, her car had been a fancy sports car. She had navy hair and sun-tanned skin. "Uhhh, no ma'am. I except all people according to their personalities. I even like gay people as long as they don't hit on me."

The woman smiled and clapped her hands giddily. And started digging in her purse. "Sorry, my baby was born special. I have to ask."

"Okay... not too special? I think I need a special paper to take care of those."

"No, no mental, just physical." She pulled out a picture, Madara raised an eyebrow at what looked like the spawn of a pug, bass fish and a midget wrapped up in a baby blanket.

"Um, don't worry. He can still... fit in." He tried, cocking his head to really make sure he was looking at it right.

"He's six now, sweet boy really, and so polite. He just doesn't have very many friends, and the kids at School keep picking on him." She hurridly filled in the paper. "I have to hurry, he's at my sisters, and she has three cats. Cats make Kisa depressed, but thank you, thank you, the last Daycare I went to was Catholic and the woman started screaming when I showed her his picture."

Madara Uchiha once met a man who had a tree growing out of his face and couldn't walk because his legs had turned into stumps. He stayed with him for two weeks while the Army decided weither Madara was more lethal a force to the enemy or to themselves. He was a nice guy, and had a good music collection. So he wouldn't be bothered by a blue-skinned six year old. Pug-hybrid or not.

While the woman was writting, the other woman from the other car had finally gotten to the booth, after- as Madara noted, she had to drag her son over with her. "Hi, I'm Kamiko Ai, nice to meet you." She gave Madara her free hand to shake. She had pale violet hair in a pony tail, with a bag slung over her shoulder.

She picked her child, he was in a white t-shirt and shorts with silver hair straying all over his pale face. "Why do _I_ have to go to a stupid Daycare? Chi-Chi gets to go to Aunt Mein's."

"Because you keep being rude to Aunty Mein Hidan that's why." The distraught mother tried to fill in one of the sheets with one hand while the other Mother waved happily and rushed back to her car.

"Well she's a stupid bitch- and put me down you smell like that dead fish Papa dropped in the dishwasher!"

"Okay honey just wait a second I'm sorry that's my perfume and please don't call Mommy that it hurts her feelings." She jumbled all the words together.

"I don't care! I change my mind I wanna go back to the car now!" He started squirming around and the Mother had to drop her pen to keep him still.

"Just a- second- Jin- Jin come hold your son!" Almost at the same moment she said it a tall man with a buzz-cut wearing a polo shirt and golf pants took the squirming hellian from her arms.

"I wanna go to the Ice Cream store!"

"We have to help Uncle Gen move his couch Hidan-"

"I said I wanted motherfucking ice cream you stupid retard!" Shouted the foul mouthed creature. Madara was biting his lip and politely holding the Mother's paper still while she wrote as fast as she could.

"Listen, ask nicely and you'll get ice cream on the way. Alright?" 

"PLEASE can I have some motherfucking ice cream stupid fucker!"

"Honey where does he learn this stuff?" The Father asked, despite his size he looked like he was about to break down and cry.

"I don't know- you blocked all the bad channels right?"

"Your stupid channel password is 0000 how stupid do you think I am!" The child yelled, kicking around still.

"Honey change the password!" The Mother basicly pleaded.

"I'll just figure it out again you stupid heads!" Madara looked over at the child who was somehow upside down now.

"We can change it to his birthday then!" The Father yelled triuphantly.

The childs face pouted. "Well shit, what's my birthday?"

"Now say 'please' nicely."

"MOTHERFUCKIN' PLEASE NICELY!"

"Close enough." The parents took the child back to the car without another word. After the car drove off, Madara started laughing histarically.

He was on the floor inside the booth by the time the next person got there, and he didn't need to look up to see who it is. "Hiii! Madara-San!"

Madara reared his head above the table and stared wide-eyed. "Hi... Mikoto you... spirit you..."

Mikoto tranced up to the booth giddily, with a little boy hanging onto her hand. "It's been so long! oh and you really did take up Izuna's old place, bless you." The raven-haired woman lifted her son to where he could see over the table. "Meet your Uncle Madara Itachi!"

"Hello~ nice to meet you." The little boy cooed, he looked slightly more like his Father, and had a raven pony tail that reached barely past his shoulders.

Mikoto put him down. Madara had many reasons why he didn't like this particular branch of his family tree.

One, his cousin Fugaku, this boys Father, was a big, scary, and extremely stern police chief. And had been telling on Madara to the coppers since before his Academy scolarship had come in.

Two, his cousin Mikoto, was already and Uchiha. Those two were kissing cousins, which made this little bright-eyed kid, as cute as he was, an inbred.

Three, Fugaku, was stricter then a aged veteran, more judging then cult leader, and saw evil and disgust everywhere but in himself... He was probably a racist Nazi too. But Madara had proof for the other ones.

Four, Mikoto, the kind, sometimes annoying soul, was madly in love with him, so she wasn't the nagging wife he needed to set himself straight. Which ment that that little kid behind he dress was either going to end up just like his Father, or, probably commit suicide/run away before he was old enough to drink.

And Five, well, Madara's slightly anti-social. So he hates a great deal of his realtives anyway. The only one he didn't hate was his brother, and, well, he's kind of being scraped off the wheels of a bus right now.

Madara, because of reasons one through four, suddenly felt extreamly sorry for the little boy now.

"We had him right after you left, the little darling, apple of his Mother and Father's eye. He beat me in a game of Shogi just the other day. And we're going to have another one sometime-" Oh sweet Mother of Lord, please drop a bag of bricks on Fugaku's balls before another poor being is tainted... Were Madara's thoughts that drowned out the rest of Mikoto's blabberings. "I could sit here and talk all day!"

"Oh, please, Mikoto, I know you have things to do. And- oh, another customer!"

"Oh yes, I won't trouble you any more, but you really should come over sometime when you're free. Say goodbye Itachi!"

"Goodbye Uncle Madara~" The boy waved, before following his Mothers lead to the car.

Madara had been lying, but a car did pull up just as Mikoto and Itachi got in their own car. It was a polished-up old fashioned bentley, out of it came a grumpy-looking old man. 'Great, another one.' Madara thought to himself absently. The windows were tinted in the car so he couldn't see what was inside.

"I said no! Now sit there and make sure Akatsuchi doesn't spit up in my car again!" The man closed the door which silence a bout of screeching- or maybe the car was sound-proofed. Madara had a feeling the old man didn't want people seeing what he had to tow around sometimes.

The man was in a buisness suit, he got up to the booth and eruptly said. "I have a three-year old, and infant, and one on the way, can you take them?" The last part sounded pretty desperate.

"Yes I can, but aren't you alittle old to still be playing that way?" Madara asked,

The man grabbed a paper. "I'm too old for any of this. The infant's won't be here all the time. But my stupid son married a good-for-nothing whore who wants to beat up on their child all the time so _I_ have to take care of him. The kids not even genetically related to me, for reasons you can guess. And when she has the next kid, I get saddled with it, cause I have all the money, and they're all stupid young people an-" The man ranted on for almost fifteen more minutes, then he handed the paper back. "Is that readable?"

Madara looked at it, it was scraggily cursive, and everytime he dotted an 'I' it looked like he attacked the paper, but he could read the writting. "Your name is Onoki Nen? Yeah, I can read it."

"I'm going to kill my family." Madara looked up at the old man. "if people turn up dead, I'm giving you permission to tell the police I said that."

"Yes sir," Madara said, he kind of was getting tired of calling people sir, but this man was farther on the edge, that if he wasn't a buisness man he's probably be on Jerry Springer. Madara and the man both heard a car door open.

"DEIDARA SHUT THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

The car door shut.

The man turned around muttering curses, Madara watched him walk off. And then get into his car. He took out his notepad and scribbled down the license plate. Not for identification purposes, but for if he ever sees it on the street he can laugh at what's probably happening inside.

-Later

After a few more people arrived, Madara had around fifteen customers, who, because of Hashirama's marketing idea. Would get their first month of not having to take care of their own children for free.

A dumpster would be much easier. He thought.

-The Next Day

It was the day of the great GRAND OPENING!... So the sign in the front said.

Madara expected very few if not none of his little bundles to be dropped off today, seeing as how it was Saturday. But then he got his first shipment of brats... And a third, and a fifth.

Apparently, the fanciest resturaunt in town had been booked, and the parents all decided that, since is would be for free. They should just throw their children into his care even though they wern't orginally going to do anything.

By noon, Hashirama arrived. "Hello, Madara." He said almost cockily, with a bundle of blankets in his arms.

"Well, hello Hashi-Chan. Hey, your wifey was flirting with be yesturday." Hashirama's eyes got wider and he flinched.

"Wait, she was here?"

"Yea," Madara replied, his previous miserable mood being lifted. "She didn't tell you?"

"On the contrary, I told her _not to."_ Hashirama grumbled. "I told her to take them somewhere, _anywhere,_ but here."

Madara pouted his lips. "What? why? what's wrong with good ole' Maddie-Kun?"

"You're _insane,_ that's what's wrong with you." He grumbled again.

"Daddy! can you stop arguing so I can go play now?" A little voice whined from next to Hashirama. Madara looked down at the little blond girl with a ponytail and green jumper-dress.

"Go on ahead sweetheart." Hashirama almost groaned as the girl let go of his hand and ran off. "Madara, listen-"

"She pissed I didn't read her letters?"

Hashirama paused, but chose not to yell infront of children. "...No, actually she had predicted it." Hashirama pulled the bundle back, "And you were right, some of them were death threats."

Madara looked down at the blanket in his arms. "Wait, how old is he?"

"He's four. and-" Hashirama moved the blanket again before getting very pale. "... And he's- somewhere in the general area."

Madara _loved_ this, he smiled evily. "Don't seriously tell me the big and mature Hashirama Senju has lost my child?"

"... You're sons hyper active, Madara. And he knows his 'Daddy' is here. He'll turn up... eventually."

A thought crossed the new Daycare owners mind. "... Does this happen often?"

"Yes, actually. Almost daily. He reminds me of you a great deal, it's freightening. However you talked more." Hashirama stood there to ponder if he'd say his next planned sentance. But, decided Madara can find out on his own. "Goodbye."

After he left, Madara leaned back in his chair. Infront of him, a couple kids were sitting, staring at the TV as a scarily bright creature danced around the screen. Toddlers were throwing cars at eachother and Hashirama's daughter was straightening a few things up and apprently pretending that she was teaching the baby dolls something. Madara had a photographic memory so he could easily remember the girls name was Tsunade. But playing dumb was too entertaining, so he decided to call her 'that kid' for a while.

Madara heard the door open on his right. "You're back." Fugaku Uchiha kind of droaned. "It really was true."

"I know how depressed you are to see me." Madara replied cheekily.

Fugaku stared at him, impassive, and possibley dreading having come here. "...Mikoto had a doctors appointment. We're trying to have another child."

"Oh the poor thing- the child I mean."

Fugaku sighed loudly, then he lifted his hand and pointed down. To Itachi, who was holding his hand. "Hello again Uncle Madara~"

"That kid is too sweet to be yours, it scares me." Madara commented.

"Yes, well, I have a job that doesn't involve sitting and making sure toddlers don't swallow things. Goodbye Madara."

"Goodbye Officer." Madara saluted him off. And Fugaku gave Itachi's raven head a pat before leaving. Madara bent down. "Hey, kid, you know your Dad's evil?"

"Oh, yes I know." The child blinked, Madara was actually taken off by that answer. "But you just keep your head down and get used to it, that's what Uncle Izuna used to say."

The boy bid goodbye and went to play with things. Madara blinked, "Yup, that's what Izuna used to say." It was usually used when _he_ was lecturing him, and Madara started internally checking his personality, looking for anything that resembled 'crazed dictator'

Madara checked Itachi's sheet, he was four years old, and was- wait, top of his kindergarden class? what's that supposed to mean? he knows his ABC's? But then he heard a familiar clunking outside. But before that was done, he saw none other then Mito Senju enter the door.

"You missed your hubbie again."

"I know, I was waiting untill he had to be at work. No need to argue about you when there's small children around."

"HIII!" One of the children Mito brought in with her yelled. "My name's JIRAIYA! and I'm really cool- it should say that on my paper." The white-haired hill billy child established.

Madara looked at the record. When it got to the part about 'childs information' the paper said 'Talks alot' "Uh-huh, you kee-"

"HI TSUNADE!" He yelled before running off and seemingly attacking Hashirama's daughter. She replied with rapid punches to the face.

Mito smiled nervously. "So, I'll leave these kiddies with you now."

After Jiraiya ran off there were four other kids she'd brought. One- uhhh, yeah that was a boy- was hiding behind her skirt. He had long black hair and was wearing a polo shirt, besides that he was really pale and wouldn't look Madara in the face.

The two other boys seemed to be fighting- well, one was. The other just covered his head and made whiny sounds. The fighter had spiked orange hair and was dressed all in navey blue camo. The wimp was almost as pale as the before mention child but not quite. The other one seemed white where this one had more zombie-colored. His hair was thin and red that reached his shoulders, and his clothes were messy and earth-toned. Madara predicted the carrot-top had pushed him in the dirt somtime today.

He hadn't noticed the girl of the group had moved untill she was pulling on his pantleg. "My name's Konan." She said with a voice so sweet she'd make the perfect Horror-Movie-Little-Girl. Maybe the little sister of the twins from The Shining. Her hair was blue and the same length as a zombie-wimp while her dress was eerily white and neat.

Madara looked down his paper. "Lessee, if you're Konan. Then you're the five-year old girl." Madara had long ago made note that it's easiest to get his way if he's sugerly pleasant. And the children will often bend to your very will if you are so. "Okay little miss. Can you name off your friends for me?"

Konan smiled and clapped her hands in glee. She pointed at the carrot-top asshole. "That's Yahiko," then she pointed to zombie-wimp. "And that's Nagato. They're my age." Then she turned at the character that was currently visable by a length of hair poking from behind Mito's leg. "That's Orochimaru. Him and Jiraiya-Kun are six."

Mito was patting Orochimaru's head to try and get him to peek himself out. Which he didn't seem ready to do anytime this year. "Well, I have to go now. I'm sure the other children will be arriving soon." She patted the one named Yahiko's head to get his attention. "Now I don't want you picking on anyone else today Yahiko. And if I see any mroe bruises on Nagato you'll get dishes duty tonight and tomarrow." The carrot-top whined loudly, letting Nagato finally be able to lower his defensive position.

Konan clapped happily again. Then she took the two boys' hands and said goodbye to both adults. Orochimaru was still standing ground. "Maybe the kids' just tryin' to look up your skirt Mito."

The woman giggled while the boy hid even farther behind the skirt. "Orochimaru, go play with Jiraiya and Tsunade. I'll be back sometime after the sun goes down."

He didn't come out from behind, but he seemed to let go of his hold on her. She moved to the doorway and he stayed where she had been. Mito called goodbye to her daughter before leaving.

Madara looked down to Orochimaru's level. The boy was fully able to dress as a convinsing Samara from The Ring. And his gold eyes seemed to be rimmed with purple coloring. "Hey kid, are you a blooming pre-vert?"

His white cheeks tinged pink before he skittered off to the center of the room to stand there silently watching Tsunade continue beating Jiraiya. Madara rolled his eyes- they might be annoying. But if enough of the other kids come up that shy, he might just be able to live through this.

Madara hit his head on the desk. He didn't come home to do this! All he wanted to do was attend his brothers funeral, say a corny speech, leave dramaticly, and then return to the warzone and threaten his superiors with plastic utensils to let him back in. He didn't want to get a job that consisted of- 'Making sure toddlers don't swallow things'!

While the Uchiha was dreading his current living situation. His thoughts were invaded by a rumbling sound- not just any rumbling sound. A clunking, churning, half-dead-car-sound.

_Chiyo Akasuna._

Madara straightened up. Flinched, and then checked himself absently to see if anything he was wearing she could complain about. A red sleevless tank top and cargo shorts. He looked like a overly buff college kid.

The evil mother of satan walked in shortly after her old car stopped coughing. She was still wearing a pink dress and an apron. But the flowers on the dress had changed from daisies to cherry blossums. "Yo, dude." She croaked in the annoyed, old voice that's tone didn't fit the words. "Something I forgot to mention, are you a pedophile?"

"No ma'am. I hate children." He explained.

"Okay, I wasn't going to care, just wanted the statement for any future lawsuits." She pulled her arm up, it was currently connected to a little boys hand. The child was dressed in a black shirt and black jeans. With a extremely blank pink-cheeked face and messy red hair on his head. The boy- it looked like he was glareing- at him with gold eyes. To top it off he was clutching a little wooden doll to his chest. A clanking, black-robed puppet it looked like. "This is my Grandson, he's six, and he won't eat unless you force-feed him. So you can do that or let him starve. I've been doing the latter." She screeched-ed, well, there wasn't a word for how her voice sounded, kind of like a decrepid witch.

Madara looked at this kid, another observation was that he looked the size of a three-year-old, and not six years old. Oh well, he'd just have to mind to not step on him. "I'll take modest care of your little angel, Mrs Akasuna."

"It's Miss nowadays. My husband went on a fishing trip and never came back."

"I'm sorry, I can't imagine what kind of person would leave a wonderful woman like you." His tone wasn't quite sarcasim. He was too scared of her to try that.

"Actually, they found him floating in the river. Stupid bastard." As Madara questioned himself on the possible causes of death the woman gave the boy the peace sign before walking away. "Sasori, I'll be here around- ahh, maybe midnight. If I'm not, just go to sleep."

The boys gaze returned to looking at Madara- he could swear that six-year-old was really glaring at him. "...Okay, shrimp, you can go-... Kill a mouse or somethin'."

Sasori then walked away, leaving Madara feel alittle weirded, and making an assumtion that that kid would make the perfect serial killer.

But moving on.

Madara leaned back in the chair. The room was modestly full by now. Only a few more kids scheduled to apper-

"HELP ME!"

"Skiii-hee-hee-hee!"

Madara turned his head. The other old person- Onoki he could recall. The man that wanted to kill his family. The poor unfortunate man was currently being strangled by a near-infant. Madara finally rose from his chair to lift the child from his neck. "I got him, you can leave if you want."

"Poison that childs cookies before I return!" The man begged desperately. He then ran outside, screaming to the heavens.

Madara turned the child in his hands and brought it with him as he sat down to check the records. "Okay, you're Deidara Nen. The three-year-old-" He raised an eyebrow when he read the paper. "Male?" He looked at the child. _He_ had a gold sheet of fluffy hair and bangs, big, bright blue eyes, thick eyelashes and was wearing a 'little angel' white shirt under a red sweater. "... You'd make a lovely drag queen little man."

"Whazzat?" The boy asked in a high-pitched but still notabley genderless voice.

"Umm, Nevermind." He noted.

"Do I really gets' a cookie!" He gleedly asked.

"...No, I don't wanna get shut down that quickly. It'll make Mister Hashirama too happy." He lifted the boy from his lap and sat him down on the floor. "Go get em' poodles."

"WEEEEE!" The child yelled as he ran off into the room. Seemingly tackling a teaset. And effectively scaring the bejeezuz out of little Orochimaru, who then had to run off into the bathroom.

He looked up, the clock called for the exact time that the rest of the parents had said they'd be dropping their own little angels off. And as the little birdie sang three notes, the door opened yet again. Mister Big-bag-buisness man and his little baby-buisness-tycoon. "I have a importaint presentation. I will be picking my son up at likely eleven thirty."

"Yes sir." He called. The he shook the mans hand as he left his son. "Yur Kakuzu?"

"Yes." The boy monotoned. Today he was wearing green clothes and carrying a large glass jar.

"You're seven? what's that jar for?"

"Father said to use it as a swear jar so he can continue to measure you up. He's looking for reasons to get his paying price lowered."

"Thanks for the input. But it's already free because of the re-opening."

"Only for the first month. And I'll likely be spending my time here untill it is legal for me to be home by myself." Madara nodded. The kid walked away, and headed straight for a little play-counter. Where as Madara watched, he noticed him setting it up as a mini-conveinance store... Cute.

Madara blinked. Then he sat back. Fifteen minute of thinking of ways to murder people later. (he's thinking of writting a serial killer novel) The door opened and one Mother held to door open as another struggling one carried her child in- these two had met before. They'd checked in at the same time yesterday.

Kamiko Ai was holding her son Hidan still, just as she had been yesterday. "Hello, I have to drop Hidan off and leave. My Husband booked a dinner and there's traffic."

"Of course, Ma'am." Madara was usually only an asshole to Hashirama or his fellow assholes. He'd be a gentlemen for these poor, frazzled mothers. The woman gladly put her sons feet on the floor before he shoot off into the room yelling profanities. The other Mother waved goodbye to the former before starting herself.

"Hello~ remember me?"

"How could I forget?" The baby picture was burned into his mind. And the side of his brain that worked overtime to make him act decent kept yelling at him not to scream like the nun the Mother had mentioned.

"Yes, I'm Etsuko Hoshigaki. This is my little presious boy Kisame~" She bent down to her six-year-old son. His skin was infact vivid blue. And- okay, Madara will not compare those marks on his face to gills. "Kisa-honey, this is a nice man, you can ask him anything. And if anyone says mean things to you, just ignore them, they don't understand." 

"I know Mom." The boys voice was huskier then the adverage childs. He was dressed in khaki's and a polo for his first day at the Daycare. His hair was spikey navey like his Mother. "I love you,"

"Love you too baby~" She pecked his cheek, before blabbering thanks and little talks to Madara that his mind didn't totally register she left.

Madara's eyes went down to Kisa. "Tell me who makes fun. I'll ruff em' up for ya'." That seemed to assure the boy better then his mothers words. He smiled, nodded, and then scambered off.

Madara didn't let his brain register how pointy the teeth looked. Nope, not at all.

He banged his head on the table. Wait- he thought. That was the last of the kids that would be arriving today.

He looked up. The room wasn't full at all, not even slightly crowded. A couple kids were circled around the TV. Hashirama's daughter and her two friends were playing a boardgame. The Tycoon Kakuzu was standing contently at the register of his little pretend store, Konan had taken her boys Yahiko and Nagato and gotten them to sit with her and some baby-dolls for a tea party, and Sasori Akasuna was fiddling his doll in a corner. Hmm, maybe he _could_ handle this.

He stood up, like he'd planned to when all the kids had arrived. And walked along the walls of the room. Surveying all the children like a prison guard. No hair-pulling, no screaming, no crying over nothing, and no excessive drooling. Good.

His head turned to look intfront of him as he stopped short. There was a little boy, dressed in colorful clothes, he was up against the west wall in the room. He had a brown-black tuff of hair poking out from a paper mask wrapped around his face. It was a piece of paper, with a orange swirly pattern drawn badly with crayon, emmiting from a single eye-hole. Madara searched his head for when this kid was brought in- or at least if any of the kids had been wearing those clothes. Untill a theory hit him.

He blinked a few times. Double-checking his memory banks, half-wanting to be wrong about his conclusion. "Tobi?" The child silently brought a hand up to wave enthusasticly. Then trotted over, hugged his leg. And then ran off to join the other group. "Holy fuckin' shit that was my son."

Then he felt a tug at his leg. He looked down as Kakuzu raised his jar. "A dollar and twenty-five cents please."

-Later

It had been about an hour since the last of the children had arrived. Story honing activated: Chosen target... Itachi Uchiha.

Itachi, at four years old, was quite bright. By the ending months of his two-year-old-...ness... Was when he figured out his Father was a evil bastard. At three, he was beating his cousins at Go. And by four, he was comfortable with life. Happy that he had finally found out the true reason of why people buy curtains.

He was thinking of what size of a city he could make with the amount of blocks at his disposal when he heard the harky laughing from behind his back. He turned, his little ponytail flapping. And spied for the one making the noise.

He'd payed attention when kids were being checked in. The noise was comming from the silver-haired boy that's parents were going on a date. He'd run from his Mothers arms without a word yelling bad words. Now he was laughing at the one named Kisame, who'd he had made surprising note had blue skin.

Itachi looked back at his blocks. He had enough to make a small market place, but he could always wait for later and make a building if other kids take some. He got up, brushed himself off and scambered away.

Over in a corner, Kisame was kicking invisable dirt on the floor around as Hidan continued to laugh randomly. When he looked up, he noticed the new kid that had come over, probably to join in the laughter.

"What's your name?" The raven asked the kid that was pointing at Kisame and laughing.

The boy looked at the new arrival stupidly. "Uh, Hidan."

"Why are you laughing Hidan?"

Hidan brought a arm up to exclaim. "Because that kid is blue, and blue is weird!" He restarted with the laughing while Kisame groaned tiredly.

"Really?" Itachi pondered. "Well, Hidan. You have pink eyes." He lifted his hand to mimick Hidan's previous action. "And pink is girly!"

Hidan stopped and started at Itachi wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "GAH! GODDAMMIT!" He then stomped off growling loudly.

Itachi smiled proudly at the effect he made before turning to Kisame, who seemed to currently be in awe. Itachi got closer up to him, " My name's Itachi, and you're Kisame?"

Kisame blinked a couple times. When he realized he didn't know what to say he nodded his head. "...Uh, thanks."

"Why have you been alone this whole time?" He asked uber-sweetly.

Kisame, also being rather bright for his age. Wondered where this alien child hailed from. "Umm, cause no one... wants to talk to me?"

Itachi cocked his head, looking supremely innocent. "So you don't have any friends?" Despite Itachi's smarts, his kindness still gave him a minor naivity at this age. As in he at least didn't understand why no one would like this boy.

Kisame was in utter, complete, almost nervous awe by now. "...No..."

Itachi perked up and smiled. "Can I be your friend?"

Kisame's jaw dropped and he almost gasped. That was only the second time he'd ever heard that before. The first time had been at school when a girl walked up and asked the same thing. He didn't know how to answer, and her friends came and re-claimed her before he could say anything. So, before the same happened again- however it still took a few minutes- he breathed out: "...Yea..."

"Okay~" He gleed and grabbed Kisame's hand. "Common, if we hurry you can help me make a block-neighbourhood big enough for the Barbies to live in." And so, Kisame was then dragged off to build a Barbies dream house.

-Meanwhile

Hidan was growling and cussing at himself for failing so epicly. Then he made a mental note not to make fun of people too much more, or else a kid as smart as that one might pwn him again... He learned these words from his account on Gaia online. The adults and teens that talk on there have the same level spelling skills as him. So no one notices he's four years old.

He sat with his back up against a toy. Pouting over his resent fail. Then a little voice from above him. "You're blocking the line, sir."

Hidan blinked, then looked up. Kakuzu was leaning over his mini-register and glaring at him. "What the fuck'ta you want?" He asked for confirmation.

"If you're going to use language. I ask that you must leave the store, sir." He monotoned.

Hidan looked around. "Where's the door?" He asked.

Kakuzu seemed to realize this, too. The Daycare was just one big room, the only doors were the front, the back, and the one leading to the bathroom. So Kakuzu would have to make a boundery to display his stores area.

He checked in the toybox behind him for some particularly ugly Barbies that no one would want to play with. He put them in a square pattern surrounding his store. "The Barbies mark the walls." He confirmed when everything was set up.

Hidan looked at them. "Okay... So..."

"You must leave now, please." He monotoned once again.

Hidan nodded, then he got up and walked onto the other side of the dolls. "...Now what?"

"Now you may do as you please. You are not in my store, and therefore no longer my problem."

"Okay." Hidan nodded. Then he looked around. And a idea popped into his head. A child walked over, about to enter Kakuzu's store. Hidan ran over to him, flailing his arms. "THE WORLD IS GUNNA END! THE WORLD IS GUNNA END!"

The child screamed and then ran off. Hidan smiled at Kakuzu, who twitched at his lost customer.

-Meanwhile

"Konan-Konan-Konan! Yahiko-Yahiko-Yahikid-doh-yi-k-koh...doh... Yahiko!" Nagato shook his friends.

"Nagato, you'll make us spill the tea!" Konan cried, pointing to her cup full of imaginary tea.

"That kid said the world was gunna end!" He yelled, pointing to Hidan who continued to scare off anyone who tried to cross the Barbie-wall.

"Yahiko- do you think that's true?" Konan asked. The carrot-top cocked his head thinking.

"I dunno... Are there comets outside?"

Konan got up and her and Nagato went to look out one of the wide windows. "... No!"

"Then I don't think the world's ending. Maybe he was talking about in a buncha' years in the future."

"How would he know about the future?" Nagato asked.

"Oh! maybe he's been possesed by the guy that goes through time and-and- possesses people to change the future!" Konan tried.

"The one on TV Land?" Yahiko confirmed.

"Yea-yea! that one! He's funny!"

"Well what're we supposed to do about it?" Nagato asked.

Yahiko thought for a while. "Maybe the comets sense fear! and if we know they're comming- but aren't scared about it- they won't come! Like Jeepers-Kreepers!" He concluded.

"Yahiko, that's stupid." Konan lectured. "How do you know comets can sense fear?"

Here, we are brought to Yahiko's moral: When in doubt, ask Jiraiya. "JIRAIYA! CAN COMETS SENSE FEAR?"

"YES!" Their elder answered. Without even looking up. He was on his stomach, and currently losing in a game of Monopoly. "Hey, Tsunnie, how do you win this game?"

Tsunade 'hmmd' a while. "I think it's when everyone else is bankrupt, and the last one with money wins." Tsunade looked at the money in her hand, that she held like cards. Which wasn't hard, she'd lost alot of money, because she insisted to buy everything she landed on. And she'd landed on quite a few lots early on. So she had a few twenties, a fifty, and lots of ones. (Jiraiya liked to pay in ones)

Both of the other players turned to look at their third. Orochimaru currently had the most money. He moved his little metal shoe and it landed on a lot. "How much is that one?"

"350." Tsunade replied.

"How do I add that up?"

"You can give me seven fifties." Tsunade, playing the roll of banker said.

Orochimaru took out the said amount. Tsunade was slightly upset that he had seven fifties to spare- and was that- when'd he get five five-hundreds? Tsunade internally whined, while Jirayia outwardly whined.

-Meanwhile

Wittle baby Deidara was looking for something to do. The Play-Doh didn't taste good, the Barbies were being used as a barrier of some sort, the trucks and playsets were all taken. And all the baby dolls were naked, with the supplied clothes not fitting any of them. This was boring!

So he was wandering around, looking for something, anything to do. Which he wasn't finding. The movie that was playing on the TV was Kiki's Delivery Service, and Grandpa Onoki played that movie for him almost all the time. Boooring...

And, when Deidara Nen is bored. He does only one other thing. Torment those around him, weither he means to or not. So the new plan was: Find someone to torment.

He scanned the place, no one was interesting enough. Untill his gaze fell to a corner. A little red-head boy was playing with his dolly- target aquired!

Deidara trotted over and landed on his hands and knees infront of him. "Whazzur name?" The boy looked up at him silently. Deidara cocked his head. "Hello?"

Deidara knew that look he was giving him. It was what the scary-looking man at the grocery store gave him when he tried to talk to him. But he didn't know the meaning of it, so he just did was he did when someone wasn't answering him. Poke, poke, poke, poke.

The boy wacked his hand away and Deidara cried out. That's not what everyone else did! they either answered him or yelled at him. And Deidara wanted one of those actions _right now._

Someone tapped Deidara's shoulder. He looked up and a kid wearing bright colors and wearing a paper orange-swirlied mask held up a piece of paper. Scribbled on it was 'Sasori' and he pointed to the red-head Deidara was tormenting. Deidara did what Grandpa Onoki taught him and sounded out the letters then looked back at him "Your name is Sasori?"

Sasori didn't speak or nod. He just continued glaring a hole through Deidara's face.

"Okay!" Deidara gleed, getting slightly more chipper. The other boy tapped him again. He turned the paper he'd held up before, on the other side it said ' I am Tobi ' "And you're Tobi." Deidara confirmed. Sasori's glare seemed to change to being at the wall. Deidara crawled closer to him smiling happily. "Can I play wif it?" he looked at the little puppet Sasori held.

Sasori replied with tugging it as far from Deidara's reach as possible and growling at the dissapointed toddler. Deidara began to pout momentarily, untill Tobi got donw next to him. He nudged his shoulder.

"What?" Deidara asked, Tobi grabbed his arm and pointed to the toys. "I dun wanna play wif you. I wanna play wif him." Deidara pointed to Sasori who had scooted farther into the corner.

Tobi looked at Deidara, the mask making any emotion invisable. And Deidara was still too young to notice how eerie the blank mask-face staring unmovingly at him was. Then Tobi tackled Deidara and he started screaming very, very high-pitchedly.

After a few moments of Deidara putting cracks in the windows, Madara appered and lifted Tobi off the poor baby. "No raping untill you're thirty kiddo." Madara dragged his flailing son over back to his desk. "Hash' was right, you're a fuckin' devil like your Dad." He put him up and held him still on a counter. Then he reached into a cuppard next to the fridge. "Ah-ha, genius. Secret weapon time!"

Madara opened and dumped out a box of cookies onto the counter. Then handed one to Tobi. Who immidiantly stilled. And jumped off the counter and scampered away.

Madara grabbed a plate and moved the cookies onto it. Then he turned and gave the plate to Kakuzu. "Here brat, sell these." Kakuzu gladly excepted the plate of tremedously desired chocolate-chips.

Back over in the corner. Deidara was recovering from his ordeal, and spotted the plate. He then zoomed across the room.

"THE WORLD IS GUNNA END! THE WORLD IS GUNNA END!" Hidan yelled at him.

Deidara giggled. "Ha-ha, you sound like those boys Gampa talks to!" He then passed by the Hidan the Hellian and to Kakuzu's counter. "Canni have two?"

" That will be two dollars." Kakuzu informed. Deidara patted his pockets, he doesn't know why- but that's what Grandpa Onoki does when people ask him for money. Then he looked around, he left the Barbie-wall, and scampered himself over to The Monopoly game spread out in the floor.

"Canni have two dollars petty-pease?" He asked Tsunade. With her and her little triad, Jiraiya had already lost. Somehow. And Tsunade was down to her final ones. She gave them both the Deidara, feeling quite ready to weep. She'd never heard of a game of Monopoly ending so fast!

"I wanna play Life next." Jiraiya quickly cheered on the idea as Deidara returned to 'The Store'

Hidan tried yelling at him again, but Deidara just listened again, nodded, and re-entered. "Herya go!" Kakuzu took them, put them in the cash register and then handed Deidara two cookies.

Deidara returned to his new hubbies- I mean, Sasori's special corner. "Wanna cookie?" He handed him the one. Sasori glared at him, but his look softened at the cookie and he grabbed it. Deidara cheered for himself and plopped down next to him.

-Meanwhile

Tobi had failed at trying to befriend Deidara. But try-try again!... Later, after he was done with his cookie.

He found his was over to a seperate corner. A little space behind the TV. He leaned against a piece of cardboard. He was about to put the cookie under his mask like he did when at dinner, and when he was about to, a knocking on the cardboard.

Tobi moved the folded box away. It his a hole in the wall, which must have not been gotten to to be repaired. On the otherside of the hole, was a little creature. He had giant leaf-looking things on his shoulders, and he was half-in the dirt. One side of him was black and the other white. He had lime-green hair and giant, yellow, adorabley chibi eyes. The creature waved nicely to Tobi, and he waved back.

Tobi broke his cookie in half and handed him a piece. His leaves caught it and he gobbled it down.

-That Night

Madara was groaning. He hadn't done much- but it was tiring just getting finger-foods ready and then making sure the kids didn't fight over them, why did he have to do this?

The final wave of parents were due to arrive soon. He'd kill himself if there was the slightest excuse to make him lose a minute of sleep tonight.

Hashirama appered in the door, this time his wife was by his side. "Hello, Madara. Casualties?"

"I locked them in the bathroom, then they started to eat eachother. But you're early, and I'm afraid there might be more then one left." Madara moaned along.

"Looks like some got out." Mito confirmed. She was watching the now much smaller group of children lazily sit around waiting to leave. "Tsunade darling, round your friends up."

The blonde girl got up and grabbed everyone in her group. Hashirama spotted the orange paper-mask. "You found him."

"More like he came out. He reminds me of someone actually, like this serial killer in a novel I read once." He commented. "I'm so proud."

"You don't sound much like a proud Father Madara." Hashirama growled.

"Retract your claws boys." Mito lectured them both. Just as a group of children began to pool at her feet. "Come on children, the babies have to wack at eachother."

Madara and Hashirama both went silent as they saw that a gathering of six-year-olds were laughing at them. Mito left with them and Madara grinned. "Ya hooked a killer Hashi."

A vein in Hashirama's temple pulsed. "I hate you, sir." He announced. Then he went out the door. Tobi had waited in the doorway for Madara to turn and then waved goodbye.

Madara replied the same and then he leaned onto his desk to wait for the rest of the evil spawns to go away.

Kamiko was next. She was in a pretty cocktail dress with her hair up. But the good mood she was probably in dimmed down as she placed her coat infront of herself incase her son tackled her while covered in anything.

Hidan seemingly attack the coat, and his Mother fought the thought to wrap him in it to carry him away. "Hi honey- oh, Hidan how'd you get that mark on your face?"

She trailed a finger along his forehead that he absently explained. "Oh, I tryed to shoplift from some bastard twerp."

Madara took a glance at Kakuzu, the bastard twerp. "Just a sprawl ma'am. Being boys."

"Yes, He's had worse." She lifted him up, apparently, he was tired. Because he was being supremely silent and still. Or maybe Kakuzu had actually knocked some brain cells into place... Nah, he's probably just tired. "Common honey, I'll make you a nice big dinner all to yourself for behaving."

Madara didn't care to mention that the fight he'd gotten into wasn't exactly behaving. But it's hard to blame him when Kakuzu perfectly held his own and effectivly kicked his four-year-old ass.

Five minutes after Kamiko drove away with her demon child. Madara heard the puttering of Chiyo's wagon. The woman took her time getting inside, "Okay, where is it?" She asked when she finally waddled in. Madara pointed his finger towards the area the kids were waiting in. "Sasori! over here!"

Sasori stood up, but the child clinging to his arm followed him to the door. "Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-"

"Will you leave me alone!" The red-head yelled at the little golden-head baby. Whose eyes started to water as he began sobbing.

Madara spat out a chuckle as Chiyo stood there, seemingly dumb-founded. "That's the first time I've heard him talk all day." Madara chuckled.

Chiyo blinked a few times. "Damn straight, that's the first time he's talked since his parents died."

Madara himself blinked a few times. Sasori stomped his way to Chiyo as Deidara continued to weep, before he sputtered out: "Bye-bye Sori-no-Danna! I lub you!"

Sori-no-Danna stopped in his tracks, after a few seconds he spun around, and threw his doll at Deidara. It wacked him in the face and he started crying again. Sasori went over to pick up his toy and then returned to lead the way to Chiyo's car.

Madara watched out the window after him before turning to Chiyo. "Cute kid,"

"Takes after his Grandmummy." After Chiyo followed the boy out the door. Madara stood up to grab Deidara and set him down in a chair instead of thriving around on the floor. He then returned to his desk to calculate how much nap time Sasori would need to stop being such a little jackass

After Chiyo pulled away, Madara spotted the proffesional-looking car that had Kakuzu's father. The man strode up the walk and came inside. "Kakuzu," He called.

Kakuzu got up, and as he walked over the money in his jar jingled. "Madara cussed five times. And then there was this one very dim boy whose record I lost count of, but I conviscated all of the change he had in his pockets."

"Alright son, nothing else to tell."

"No, none." Kakuzu lied. Apparently his sprawl with Hidan had completely slipped his mind. Meanwhile, his father thanked Madara and the two left. Madara took Kakuzu's file out are wrote. 'ingenius smartass' in marker on the front. Madara looked at the room now. 'And then there were three.' The restless toddler Drag-ara. His nephew Itachi. And the blue pug-baby Kisame.

Next up to arrive, roughly fifteen minutes later was Onoki, who limped his way inside, looking very tired and upset that he actually had to take his grandchild back now. Along with the Uchiha's. Both sides of the pair of kissing cousins arrived through the door, much to Madara's distress. "Where's my wittle Itachi!" Mikoto cooed holding out her arms.

Onoki was less enthusiatic. "Call the child. I don't have the energy." Onoki whispered to Madara.

As Itachi got up and scambered over to his parents, Madara whistled, and it was somehow able to signal for Deidara to come as well. "Ohhh! There's my little Itachi-Kuns you look so handsome today! Oh Mummy luvs you!" Mikoto Squeed.

"Bye-Bye Itachi! I'll see you again soon!" Kisame called from the couch him and Itachi'd been sitting on, waving enthusasticly. Itachi waved back.

"Okay Twerpachi." Madara called. "Next time you go shopping with your Daddy, if you see something you want, start screaming and begging for it as loud and as long as you can. Okay?"

"Okay Uncle Madara!" Itachi cooed brightly, humoring him. Fugaku glared at Madara for a couple minutes. He then left the place without a word and Mikoto giddily followed him out with Itachi in tow.

_Blink. blink. blink._

"Common." Onoki called, tugging at Deidara's sleeve as he turned to leave. Deidara stayed put a few seconds. Madara was grinning that he only had was child left now. _Quiet,_ Deidara thought.

Deidara's new friend didn't tell him goodbye. Deidara's Grandpa didn't welcome him happily with open arms. Madara didn't give him any parting words when he left...

Deidara, the apparently extremely bright and observant three-year-old. Growled internally. What made Itachi so special?

After a few seconds. He walked silently out of the place and after Onoki. Madara didn't notice the hostile aura eminating off the toddler whose vocabulary wasn't even fully mastered yet.

Now it was just down to the blue kid. Who was sitting very well-behaved on the couch. Closing time was now his favorite time of day.

It took five more minutes of sitting there and doing nothing. But Etsuko Hoshigaki eventually arrived looked very frazzled. "Sorry I'm so late! The traffic down by my work was impossible!" Kisame hopped up just as she entered. "Oh~ there's my baby. Did you have fun?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Make any new friends?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Oh very good! Thank you~" She bowed and giddied at Madara and then danced out the door. Well, that was an easy part.

All of the kids were gone now... So, now what? Oh, this is the part where he locks up and leave... Goodie.

He was contemplating weither he should straighten up the toys or not when he started snoring into his desk.

-**End Chapter**-

WEEEE! Finished! Okay. So...

Latest Naruto chaper: LE GASP! Kisa's dead? And now it's Konan VS Madara? OH MY! It's funny, because I'd been reading fourms of the fans predicting what would happen next. They were pretty on-key with Kisame getting the info to Maddie in the end. But they were all expecting a big, lavish fight between Naruto and Kisame. Instead, they got a flashback that made the KisaIta fangirls scream! Those poor fools! they'd made romantic fanfics about it being friendship and luvvies at first sight- when Kisame actually held his sword to his throat! OMG- But that ending might have cheered them up. "Itachi-San... I guess I'm not so terrible after all." XD LOL

Lessee, what else? ummm. I can't remember what I was gonna say. I think it was something smarter then my put-down of the KisaIta fans- wait!

Oh yes, I have a Wikipedia page! I didn't know that! I guess if you get an account on FanFiction, then a bot automaticly puts your first few fanfics and your screenname up. Everythings blank untill a fan comes around and does something- or you could always do it! I'm working on mine right now. WEEE! I'M FAMOUS!

Okay, now I'm gonna finish SOS before I put any more chapters up. But I'll be writting for it whenever I'm in the mood. Chapters 1 through 7 are planned out. It's pretty plotless, just short-stories following Akatsuki through the years. OKAY OKAY OKAY! HELLO! The next few chapters are gonna follow the partners on what they do for Sunday, before they return to the Daycare on Monday. So tell me which you want the next chapter to be for! YahNagKon. KisaIta. SasoDei. KakuHid. Or ZetTobMad. Weee! Okay, soooo... Hmmm, whattami gonna do now?... Oh, right, work on SOS. Time to cause hell for Hidan. Bwhahaha. Little hellian.


	2. Dinner Arrangments

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, Akatsuki, or anything else used in here.

WEEEE SOS EZ DUN!

... That looked like a forgien language XD

SOS is done! Wasn't that a awsome ending? I have a feeling the only one I'm talking to is RandomDustBunnyzAngel, because she's my only- er, author-alerter. I think, I might've gotten some other authors alerts. Okay, if you've read SOS- remind me in your review! or you might just have alerted me for the 100 Ways to Annoy Akatsuki thing... I got reviewed by TheRealGoodyTwoShoes for that one- I'm revising it. But I have to make 100 chapters first! LE GASP!... AGAIN!...

That'll be fun to upload XD

...Also, to those few who don't know why it took me so long to post, I had to get rid of my computer. But now I have a Laptop, and I am SAFE! 8D

AND THE LAPTOP HAS, LIKE, A WHOOOOLE LOTTA SPACE! IT ACTUALLY TAKE MY SIMS GAME LESS THEN AN HOUR TO LOAD!... The touchpad doesn't like me however and the keyboard has wide tiles, so typing is slow... I HAVE A LOGICAL REASON FOR SLOW UPDATES! 8D

Okay, next chapter is up! giddy-giddy-giddies! And the winner of my in-story poll was: ... Well, no one gave me suggestions XD So I think I'll just let it go in the order that they appered: KisaIta, SasoDei, KakuHid, PaiKon, and then TobZetMad... Well, since Madara wasn't reveiled untill just pages after Pain and Konan XD Techinically, up untill that point, he was legally Tobi... 'Legally Tobi'... Wow, I could turn that into a slang, XD

Time to play with the Sharks and Weasels!... I know what you're thinking when I say KisaIta! But I stick strictly to Shonen-Ai fluff, decide for yourself if they're gay for eachother!... I could go on a ramble talking about this! But I won't! You can read the chapter now! YAY! CHIBI-SHARKS AND CHIBI-WEASELS!... THAT BOTH TECHNICALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE IN THE MANGA! XD

I'm having a vision- when the Anime gets to Kisame's death, they'll create a bunch of filler flashbacks for him. That star Suigetsu and Zabuza- oh, funny story. I was looking for Sasuke's voice actor on Youtube, and I couldn't remember his name so I tried to type what I could remember, and, I typed in SUIG and I got a bunch of Suigetsu crap! XD '_Suigetsu wit' ur liquid skin. Don't ask me where the fuck I've ben. I stand next to the most hated, to the grave she remains infatuated. Sensory-no-jutsu but the names KARIN!'_

XD I luv U Eddie Rath!

-**Dinner Arrangments**-

"Mom?"

"Hold up a moment honey!"

"But-"

"Busy at the moment dear!"

"I just-"

"Be there in a second snugglemuffins!"

"...Momma-"

Etsuko Hoshigaki skidded to a stop. "Ohhh! sweetheart you've never called me that before!" She gushed.

"...Momma, I don't have any clean dress pants."

Etsuko blinked a few times before everything registered. Then she looked down and noticed her son was wearing his dress shirt, the tie she picked out for him, and tightie-whities. "Op! I'm sorry honey I forgot about laundry today!"

Etsuko Hoshigaki ran into her sons small room and proceeded to tear apart his drawers,

The reason for all this rushing was rather simple. Etsuko was the Secretary for Gecco Kurogan, head of a very large company, known as Kurogan Paper Company, which sells paper and paper accesorys.

There was to be a large dinner party consisting of all the head buisness people. As Secretary, Etsuko was to accompany her boss to this function. She had forgotten about it until that very afternoon.

Etsuko also assumed it was too late to book her son at the daycare, so after checking with her boss she decided she would be taking him with her.

She thundered back into the hallway. "You can wear these honey! just don't tuck your shirt in so they don't look like jeans!"

She threw the pants on his head and she re-commensed in running around like a purple chicken with her head cut off...

Kisame blinked under the fabric, before pulling the pants off his head and proceeding to put them on his legs.

-Later

Gecco Kurogan was a scary man. He was always standing straight and stiff, with rough facial features and droopy wrinkles. He was currently wearing a black and brown tux, standing next to the town halls enterance. Waiting for his Secretary.

Said Secretary then runs though the door. "Sorry I'm late! A-... Church let out infront of me..."

Luckily, Etsuko had done and said things like this for as long as she'd been working for him. So Gecco thought this was just the kind of things the happened to her and the way she viewed them. So he didn't even stutter to think of how it was currently 7PM.

"Walk beside me, one step behind. Smile calmly but cheerfully, and nod to whomever I greet." He then looked down at her son, and grimanced slightly. "... Other people brought their children, they seem to be gathering in the north-eastern corner."

She nodded her head violently with a giant grin plastered on her face, before it accured that was too much. She settled her features down and knelt infront of her son. "Kisa-baby, go play with those other kids over there, okay?"

Kisame nodded deeply and saw off as his Mother went to metally measure how far away she was from her boss. He sighed, and then went to the group of kids.

Etsuko, slightly panicky as usual, nodded and grinned widely at everyone her boss glanced at, making one woman scream. Oblivious to it being her fault Etsuko also screeched, assuming there was a bug on her face.

Gecco Kurogan ignored or did not notice all of this, he was currently walking through the room, looking for someone importaint to talk to. Hoping people would see him and assume he was just as amazing.

Finally, he found one. "Ah, Mr. Uchiha, it is nice to see you once again!" He said cheerfully despite every other feature on his body staying scary-looking.

Etsuko looked back up and jumped. Fugaku Uchiha, Head of Police had pulled her over at least fifteen times.

He was currently standing next to the buffett table, looking nearly as scary as Mr. Kurogan, and flanked by his wife, who however was probably merely accompaning her husband but was concidentally head of a garden club, and his cousin Madara. Head of a Daycare. "Who the fuck is that guy?" Said the latter grumpily.

"Mr, Kurogan, head of the states paper company." Fugaku grumbled, sounding equally grumpy.

"They have _paper_ companys?"

"Who do you think sells you paper?"

Gecco Kurogan pretended he didn't just hear that passing of comments and continued to mooch. "It's been so long! when did we last see you?"

"At the last Headmasters Dinner I believe." Fugaku grumbled. And then his eyes rolled to the other. "Etsuko, nice to see you again. Took the bus I hope?"

"Of course!" She said quickly. Just then remembering her license was supposed to be suspended.

-At the Kiddies Corner

Kisame was standing at the edge of the group. Three girls had screamed, two boys were persistaintly mocking him, and one had fumbled for a while of what to call him, before assuming 'Transvestite' was the word he was looking for.

He was counting sighs, usually he sighs ten times an hour, so this was how he told time. But then he started wondering if it was like commercials where some are 30 seconds and others are 3 minutes. And while he was thinks of that he's lost track, so now he was in distress of how much time had passed.

Kisame spends lots of time looking at clocks...

There was a soft tap on his shoulder, he turned around to the little figure. "Itachi!"

The four-year old giggled brightly, he was dressed in a small mini-tux and sneakers. "Hi Kisame!"

Kisame felt about to cry in joy, no more would he be arguing himself about how often he sighed. He felt like sighing in happiness right now.

"Whatteryu doing?"

Kisame mentally clapped. "I came with my Mom, she's a big Secretary at her work!"

"That's cool~" Itachi cooed.

Kisame looked around, searching for more conversation. "There sure are lots of people here."

Itachi nodded. "Father says that lots of employees came with their bosses to get promotions."

Kisame blinked, and fought not to sigh in thought. " What _is _a promotion anyway?"

Itachi held his hand up. "Mother says it's a really good thing about work. I think it's like football."

"Like football?"

"Yeah, because Father likes it when people he likes win one but gets grumpy when people he doesn't like win one."

Kisame nodded, so it was a competive game at work. No wonder his Mother was so scared of promotions, she must not want to get kicked. Then he blinked. "Itachi, you're smart, do you know what a Trans-vezz-tite is?"

"I don't know what exactly." He said, thinking back. " Father says it's an abomination, but Mother says it's a hobby." 

-Later

The two boys were having tons-o-fun chatting and playing little games. And none of the kids wanted to bug Kisame much anymore when he had an adorable little toddler with him.

Itachi was currently nibbling on a fruit kebober while Kisame used the skewers to try and make a house-like thingy-ma-jiggy.

Meanwhile, with the parents, Gecco Kurogan was still grinning scarily as he followed the Uchiha family around like a lost puppy, ignoring their comments about him.

"Why's Mikki here anyway?" Madara gestured to Mrs. Uchiha.

"I was going to stay home with Itachi, but Hashirama asked me if I could take Mito's place in giving out the award since she had to leave early."

"They actually give _awards_ at this stuck up function?" Madara grumbled.

"Just one, The Most Successful Award." Fugaku noted.

"Oh yes the Most Successful Award! Fugaku you won that last year didn't you?" Gecco gushed while Etsuko still kept her head down. Trying to remember the bus schedule for her block.

Madara groaned, finding this entire event very humbuggy. "The people in this town really don't have anything better to do, don't they?"

"Just hold your breath and don't growl at anybody." Fugaku informed, apparently equally annoyed.

"Isn't that a beautiful sculpture!"

And they all continued to ignore Mr. Kurogan.

Back with the children, Kisame had finally found a system to creating his little house, however the inside was atrocious, it still looked very housey on the outside. But something was missing.

"Something's missing." Kisame mused.

Itachi trotted over to look. "It needs a chimney!"

Kisame tryed to click his fingers in realization, but then noticed he couldn't do it. So he just nodded. "So we need one more stick!"

Itachi slumped, "There aren't any more, we used them all."

"Is there anything else that has a stick in it?" The two went over to the childrens table. The cheeses were stickless, as were the sandwiches and jello. And they had eaten all the fruit kabobers. "Maybe there's some more at the adults table."

"Should we go see?"

"You wait here, someone might step on you." Itachi nodded in agreement and Kisame went off into the crowd.

He squeezed through the crowd of fancy suits and dresses to the adults buffett table. Where he found Madara, who had broken away from his relatives to get away from their and Gecco Kurogan's voices. "Hey puggy."

"Hello Mister Madara."

"What you looking for?"

"Me and Itachi are building a little house with sticks, are there any over here?"

"Nope, not anymore." He gestured to one end of the table, where little old lady Chiyo Akasuna was ravaging the table. "Hey lady, don't you have your grandson?"

"He's at the park ya obnoxious old pedo!" She screeched at him. Madara didn't bother to ask if anyone was _watching_ him. He didn't feel like dealing with child services until it was his own fault.

Kisame saw that she had infact taken as much food from the table as possible, including everything that had skewers. So he sighed and slumped back to the kids side.

When he got there, Itachi was sitting infront of the little house keeping an eye on it. "There isn't anything there"

"That's okay, I got an idea!" He said, getting back up. "I remembered I ate one before you got here, the stick might still be in the trashcan!"

Kisame clapped, "Yes! so where's the trashcan?"

-Outside

"Really, what did I do to make them want me to do _this?"_ Sakumo Hayate grumbled.

"Well, you _are_ a Park Ranger, they must assume you're used to grunt work." His wife called from the doorway, holding a fur shawl around her and her buldging stomach.

"Agh." He grunted, about to heave the contents of the trashcan into the dumpster.

"Hayate? What're _you_ doing on trash duty?" Asked Hashirama. He'd appered from around the corner, carrying the Most Successful Award to be presented that night.

"That's what _I_ want to know!" He yelled back.

Just then he heard his wife yelp, he looked at where she was.

"Honey,"

"Yes?"

"My water just broke." She gulped.

Wide-eyed, Sakumo threw the trashcan at Hashirama and ran to lift up his wife and speed off towards the car.

Hashirama coughed, tryed to pick the pieces of lettuce off his head, dumped the remaining contents of the trashcan into the dumpster, and then preceeded through the backdoor and inside.

-Inside

Itachi and Kisame watched Hashirama set the trashcan back next to the table.

"Aw man." Kisame grumbled.

Itachi looked up. "Mister Hashi, you have sauce in your hair."

"Oh good lord." Hashirama quickly began stroking his hair to clean it. He blanched when he heard a familiar Uchiha friend laughing on the other side of the room.

"Well, I guess we won't be able to finish the house." Kisame moaned.

"Well, not _all_ houses have chimneys." Itachi said, before he noticed something sticking out of the Most Successful Award. "Lookie lookie!"

Kisame looked up in time to see their missing stick swiveling around inside the award. "Eureka!"

"What's that?"

"...I dunno, Mom yells it whenever she finds something." Which was often, considering his Mother lost things often.

Meanwhile, Hashirama had already dissapeared through a door that led backstage, mumbling about a haircut. "How do we get it?"

"Well, I don't think it has anything to do with the award." Kisame mused.

"Very right." Itachi cooed. Knowing people don't like to get sticks as awards.

"So we could probably just go and take it."

"Okay!" Then he paused. "We need to find someone to watch the house for us."

Kisame nodded, no need for it to get destroyed while they were gone. "But who?"

He skittered over to a little girl with a black ponytail and a fluffy yellow dress. "Anko, can you watch me and Kisa's house for a couple minutes?"

"Nyah!" She grunted, as she liked to do. Then returned to chewing on her skirt.

"I'll give you half my choco-lot bar!"

"Skieeee!" She scuttered over to the little house.

"Make sure it doesn't get hurt!" Itachi said as he and Kisame ran off. Anko continued to stare intently at the little house.

They scooted along the walls towards the door. "We are ninja's! and we must get back the sacred scroll of housemaking!" Kisame delcared, Itachi giggled.

At the door was Orochimaru, who had been brought over with Anko by Mito, But when she left, busy Hashirama put Anko in the childrens section and told Orochimaru to man the backstage.

He was hiding behind the doorframe when Itachi and Kisame came over. "Hi Orochimaru!" Orochimaru squeeked and then hid farther behind the door. Itachi went over to him. "Can we come in?"

Orochimaru mumbled quickly and recoiled farther.

Itachi watched him for a second. "I'll give you half my choco-lot bar!"

Orochimaru peeked out at him, mainly confused on why he was still persisting.

Itachi took the bar out of his pocket, ripped it open, broke off half of it and handed it to him. Orochimaru stared at him for a few seconds before slowly taking it.

"Can we come in now?" Itachi asked sweetly. Orochimaru nodded to him and crawled into a far corner to nibble.

They scuffled inside the door just before their parents happened to pass by.

"Mrs. Uchiha! you look lovely in that gown! Have I told you that today?" Gecco gushed and gleed. As Fugaku and Mikoto tried desperately to make laps around the room to make him tired so he'd go away. And Etsuko was panicking that she couldn't keep exactly one pace behind her boss.

Backstage, Kisame and Itachi wern't the only ones that had sneaked in.

"Is that _barbeque_ sauce?" Madara gaped, staring at Hashirama's hair contents.

"Oh shut up! What are you doing here anyway?" He snapped back.

"You have no idea how badly I want to bomb this place right now." He groaned. "So what's Mito doing?"

"I don't know really, she got a phonecall from the orphanage and started panicking and left." He said, just then being concerned on what the hell might be happening.

"Maybe her pregnancy test came in." He suggested. Hashirama glared at him. "...Dude, your daugther looks nothing like you."

"Don't call me dude, and- and stop speaking to me! Go tell Mikoto we're almost ready!" Madara rolled his eyes, gulped out his wine glass like it was a mason jar, and walked out.

Kisame and Itachi had made it to under the table that the award was on. Hashirama walked away for a moment and they came out.

"Can you reach the top?" Itachi asked. Kisame got on his tippy-toes and grabbed the bottom of the award.

He started to pull it off the table when someone grabbed the lid of it that had almost fallen ontop of them. "What are you two little children doing?" Hashirama asked.

"Nothing~" Itachi cooed as cutely as possible. Kisame nodded rapidly, resembling his Mother.

"Do you two want to give Mikoto the award to present?" Both nodded as he handed the award cup back to Kisame.

Hashirama showed them out to the stage, Mikoto looked down gleefully giggled. "Awww! Ita-honey wants to help Mommy?"

They handed her the award and she scooped Itachi up in her arm. Once he was up next to it Itachi snatched the stick out of the cup.

"Kisa!" Etsuko squeed, "There's my little baby!" She got up and sat on the stage where Kisame went over to her.

"Ohhh! Etsuko dear you child is so adorable!" Gecco said as loud as possible.

"Well, I see people of all ages are excited about this award." Mikoto said to the room as she sat Itachi on the podium. "And the winner of this years Most Successful Award is-... Minato Namikaze! For his revelutionary changes to the school system as Principal of the Go Schools!"

In the crowd, Gecco Kurogan began to weep as Fugaku Uchiha groaned. Minato Namikaze had his outragously giddy wife clinging to his back as he came up and excepted the award.

Meanwhile, Mikoto put Itachi back on the floor, Kisame trotted away from his Mother and they returned to the kids corner.

Anko was still staring at the house. Itachi handed her the last half of his chocolate bar. She squeed loudly and then ran off. Kisame picked up the house before she could stomp on it.

Itachi put the skewer through the top of the house. "Yay!" Itachi clapped giddily.

"Weee~" Kisame, cheered, unable to do much more while holding the house.

"Itachi. We're leaving." Fugaku grumbled grumpily. He was putting his coat on while Minato's wife Kushina chattered excitedly with Mikoto.

"Kisa, you can keep the house with you." Itachi cooed.

"Really? Thanks!"

"Itachi!" Fugaku yelled louder when he noticed Minato himself approching.

"Bye-bye!" Itachi squeed as he went to his parents who were quickly shuffled.

Kisame was currently swimming in joy over the whole night, when his Mother came up. "Kisa-baby~ Mr. Gecco went to the bar and dismisseded Mommy! We can go now~" She lifted him up, "We'll be taking the bus though- oh what's that?"

"This is the house me and Itachi made~" 

"It's so pretty! Okay let's grab our coats."

"Mom? Am I going to the Daycare tomarrow?"

"Yes, why?"

"Just makin' sure."

-**End Chapter**-

I wrote this finally while letting my dinner get cold as we were snowed in 8D

Weeeeee~

Okay, next up the Sasori & Deidara chapter! 8D WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

...Weeeeeeeee!... Okay.

Now, I'm going to need some OC's for when Akatsuki start school! OC'S! CALLING ALL OC'S!

Male, female, Mary-sue, uncreative, Akatsuki can't be the only cast now! If you have one just gimme their name, apperance and personality type! They'll be shoved in some way or another. I need bullies and fangirls. It doesn't even have to be an OC, just say a name, and I'll put Bobko the plumer in!

I NEED THEM!... I need to eat my chicken now XD ~~~

Weeeeeee~


	3. Play Dates

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! !

WEEEEE~ 8D

I like chocolate~

Okay! so, these 'Sunday Chapters' were actually dreamed up quite a while ago. I'll tell you how they originally went when they're all done. After that- baby Akatsuki return to Daycare! 8D

... I miss Suigetsu and Jugo. I want them back~ And goodboy Sasuke too. I was watching the early episodes of Naruto and dammit I want him to be the snooty, anti-social goodbaby again! He;s ten-trillion times douchbaggier like this! BAD Tobi! BAD!

And Tobi looks like the monster thingy from those Shonen Jump advertisements for Twentith Century Boys... Hmmm, I have no idea what that is...

...Eddie Rath has new songs! A lyric demo, One about Konan, and one about the Naruto War! 8D

Look at the weapons on body, each kunai has it's own story, when I'm gone will the still know me, as master of Origami. Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami...

...Hnnn... LOL General Gaara~ This is the coolest he's ever been 8D

...I was gonna say something- buuut...

ROFL, Zombie Sasori is easily defeated with the powah O luv, and Baby Sasori is anti-social and slightly evil and deranged... You just wait for when they get older in this. I luvvles Sasori~

-**Play Dates**-

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and many families had gathered at the large and glorious Konoha Park.

Yes, many families had decided that today was the perfect day to entertain their young, innocent children in a relaxing day at the park-

"GETTA MOVE ON YOU TWO!"

This also happened to be the kind of day that Chiyo Akasuna thought was perfect to drop off her brother and grandson somewhere that wasn't her house.

"Sis, can't we just sit in the living room for the rest of today? At least that place has television." Chiyo's brother Ebizo croaked.

"And let you two ruin my furniture some more? You're going senile!"

"But the doctor said I _am_ going senile Sis, and it's against the law to leave a senile old man and a mentally traumatized infant at a Park alone." He pleaded, pointing his cane at Sasori. Dressed in navey, holding his presious doll, and wearing his usual 'fuck you all' glare.

"You'll be fine! Nobody wants to rape a smelly old man, and Sasori'll bite anyone that talks to him." She explained, bending down to her grandson. "Ain't that right fuzzy?"

A low growl emitted from the boy.

"That' a boy. Now Eb, you stop pussy-footing and just sit on a bench and try and remember not to move. I'm gonna go crash a party and raid the food table." She declared, returning to her running car, and speeding off at fifteen miles an hour.

"...Dammit, I knew I should have ranaway to the retirement home when I had the chance." He paused for a few minutes, before looking down at Sasori. "...Who are you again?"

Sasori grunted and then walked way towards the jungle gyms. He walked underneith one and sat there, growling at any children that looked at him.

-Meanwhile

"Make the noise stoooop." Onoki grumbled, with his hands covoring his ears.

In the backseat, Deidara clapped and giggled giddily to the Veggie Tales soundtrack.

Onoki, CEO of a Landscaping company, had been entrusted his Grandson as soon as social services learned of his exsistance. Seeing as how his parents were incapable of caring for him. Onoki, having lots and lots of money, was able to house the child, along with the next child that his son unthinkingly made, and the one that was about to be made, and spoil them quiet. Deidara, however, couldn't be quiet. And Onoki was pretty sure there was a birth defect that caused his vocal cords to be connected to his lungs, because he seemed positive that Deidara would suffocate and die if he ever stopped talking.

Onoki had been invited to the Headmasters Dinner Party that was today, but seeing as how he didn't care for social functions or even free food, and the fact that he was sure he was so unliked by everyone else that he wouldn't ever receive the Most Successful Award, he opted not to go and instead spend the whole day doing some nice, relaxing paperwork.

"Oh it's not so bad. Just take a series you like and pretend the characters are singing the songs at charity concert." Spoke Mei Terumi, Onoki's young assistaint.

"I don't think Madlock would sing anything from this disk... Except maybe 'Pirates who don't do anything', I could see that."

"Well we're here, so we can take the CD out." She said as she leaned forward and pressed the eject button on the cars radio.

Little Deidara made a loud whiney sound in that backseat and was already begining to whimper.

"Deidara dear, if you keep listening to Veggie Tales then you can't play in the sandboxes."

"Squeeee!" He-... squeed.

Mei got out of the car and went around to take Deidara out of his carseat, that she had needed to buy for him because Onoki seemed to not understand the need for one. Or the workings of one, for that matter. When she set Deidara on the grass he ran off quickly towards the playground. Mei turned and leaned inside the car. "Are you comming?"

"No, I'm going to sit here and sign things. You can take my notes."

Mei granted herself permission to stare at him until he asked why. "...Onoki, you can't let a three-year old child into a park unsupervised."

"We're right here, it's legal." Onoki assured.

Mei stared at him for a few more minutes before she turned and walked to a bench.

"Mei? Mei get back here! get back here!" He leaned out the window. "WHO WILL TAKE MY NOTES!"

-Elsewhere

Sasori was still holding his spot underneith the jungle gym. Apparently staring at a invisable giant salamander-lizard-dragon hybrid that was apparently crawling around. Because he apparently wasn't doing anything else.

A tabby-striped stray kitten came up slowly to him. When Sasori saw it in the corner of his eye- well, that must have had an equal effect of a glare, because the cat started to back away slowly.

The little kitten went with his brother, a fuzzy gray one. And started to walk away from the scary seven-year old. Then they came across a thunderous three-year-old and probably wished they'd have stayed with the former.

"KITTIES!" Deidara went over and pounced the air infront of the cats. They stared, wide-eyed and terrified at this walking fireball. "Kittie-kittie-kittie!"

Deidara made grabby hands at them, before the cats leveled him up as merely a hyperactive caveboy, and came closer to him. Deidara got to the tabby-striped first and started tickling it's chin.

"Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~" Deidara cooed giddly as the cat started to purr loudly. The other cat took to attacking on his pocket that probably had residues of candy inside it.

Deidara set the first one aside and started petting the second, when his turn-of-his head spotted something.

"DANNA!"

Deidara flew through his blazing trail, effectively reaching and tackling Sasori in 00.3 seconds. Before poor Sasori even had a chance to glare. Not that it would work on a creature that had no sense of fear or danger.

"Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~" Deidara cooed as he rocked back and forth with his new Danna in a chokehold.

Wittle Deidara didn't really know what a Danna was, he just knew that that was what the pretty Geisha's in Granpa Onoki's movies called the boys they really liked. And Deidara really liked Sasori, for some unknown, possibley lethal reason. Like the couple from Rappucini's Daughter, one of them was probably gonna die.

Deidara's mind wasn't thinking any of this though. Because it hadn't gotten past it's own stage of processing things other then what was entertaining. And apparently, suffocating Sori-no-Danna was entertaining. Because he was still doing it, and Sasori was tinging blue.

Sasori opened his mouth wide, and bit down, very, very hard, onto Deidara's poor wittle arm.

"NYAH! Danna-Danna baddy!" Was Deidara's reaction as he pulled away finally and began screaming and crying, very, very loudly.

Mei had just sat down, so she hadn't been looking to see why Deidara was crying. But she rushed over and scooped up the bawling little child quickly. "What's the matter Dei? Did you fall down? Oh your arm hurts- Let Aunty Mei-Mei kiss it." The second Mei put her lips on the spot Sasori had bitten, Deidara's mouth shut, his tears evaporated, and he jumped out of her arms to huggle Sasori again.

Mei and Sasori seemed to be in simular states of shock. Where as Mei was stunned to the point that she thought of checking the ingrediants in her lipstick, she got up slowly, saw that Deidara was infact fine now, and walked back to the bench she'd been on.

Where as with Sasori, he was staring wide-eyed at Deidara, who was now having a one-sided wrestling match with him. Unlike all the other nuisances Sasori would find, whom after being bitten, would run away, screeching and crying, and never, _ever_ come back.

This was not the reaction that Sasori reveled in being found everyother time. And he started to think of other ways he could seriously injure the toddler that had now went to fluffing up his hair.

Sasori was wondering how much damage beating the baby with his doll would do until he decided he didn't want to bring any harm to the doll. Before Deidara moved, for a split-second Sasori was wishing he'd become consumed with someone else to horrendously torture until he grabbed his arm again.

"Sori-no-Danna pay in the sanbox wif me!" He giddied. Sasori glared at him. "Pweey pease?"

Sasori growled, even adults got wary of him when he growled. Deidara wasn't fazed, he just kept tugging his arm.

Sasori was pretty close to what normal people would call 'distraught'. But as some might have noticed, six-year old Sasori doesn't process emotions regularly. Just as Deidara doesn't seem to. Sasori could hold his ground while thousands of puppys and kittens burst into flames around him, but probably be defeated by a well-worded speech about love, friendship and the soul. So now, Sasori was intelligently deciding, that if pain and pure hatred didn't make this boy recoil, maybe he could just go with him and wait for him to become interested in something else.

Or die, that would be quicker. So as Sasori stood up to be dragged away by a now gleeing Deidara. He put the thought of killing the boy in his head as Plan B.

Yes, Sasori doesn't process things like the regular six-year-old.

Deidara gleefully pulled him over to the large sandbox and jumped inside, pulling Sasori inside the box with him. "Danna-Danna-Danna make a san' casle wif me!" He giddied excitedly.

Sasori glared at him with the 'You're a fuckin idiot' stare regular seven-year-olds also shouldn't be able to make. You can't make a sandcastle without water, and all the sand in the box was very, very dry. As Sasori had learned when he went to the beach with his parents when he was Deidara's own age-

...Yes, Sasori didn't want to think about sandcastles right now. So he sat on the edge of the box, as he apparently had found the invisable salamander-lizard-dragon again. And began intently staring at it.

Deidara didn't seem to notice that he wasn't getting any help as he tryed to bunch the sand together and make it stay. But it wasn't. So he decided to just make a sand hill instead.

And he could make caves for indians to live in to! yay!

But meanwhile, there were also the adults that were watching these two.

Seeing as how it was lipstick, it didn't have a label. So Mei just tryed to brush off her earlier encounter and smilingly watched Deidara play with his new little friend, all while wondering why Onoki could be so seemingly terrified of the adorable, rainbow-colored and blonde fluffball.

Two benches away, Ebizo was sitting there annoyed. However you couldn't tell by looking at him. His face was always blank and distaint-looking, under long gray eyebrows. He could now recall his insane sister dropping him and her grandson off at this park, and all he could do now is heed her advice. Sit there, and try and remember not to move. He was trying so hard to do this, he wasn't paying attention to Sasori. Which actually led to him forgetting who Sasori was, and only being able to remember that he shouldn't move.

Then there was Onoki, who was taking random notes of things he thought about as he signed papers. He had messed up seven times, and in his rage had effectively broken his ashtray, two of the cupholders, his window, half his steering wheel, the rubber thingy on the transmission, and somehow, his windshield wiper...

So back with the kiddies, Deidara finished his mountain. And now wanted to do something else.

"Danna! whatta you wanna do?" He asked, getting up against Sasori's side.

Sasori shook his head in his direction, in attempt to tell him to decide himself. Apparently Deidara understood, because then he started 'um'ing.

"_Ummmmmm~_" He looked around. "SWING!" He screeched really loud before running off. Sasori was about to mentally grin that he was finally gone- until Deidara ran back, grabbed Sasori's arm and pulled him towards the swingset.

Deidara started patting the bottom of the swing he wanted on. Hoping it would do something. He wasn't supposed to get on a swing without someone to help him, but he wanted to swing, and hoped patting it would help.

Magically, Mei had appered behind him. "Deidara want on the swing."

"Yes peeeeeeease!" He cooed happily.

"Okay, heave-" She hoisted him up onto the baby swing. "Does your friend want on to?" She looked at Sasori, who glared at her, growled, and took a step back. Effectively saying to her 'fuck no bitch'

Mei smiled nervously and blinked. Nodding and then pushing Deidara slightly to get him started.

"Want to go higher?" She asked Deidara, trying to also brush off the evil demon child behind her like she did the magical lipstick.

"I hanna do it!" He said, trying to kick his legs around.

"Kick your legs to go forward and bend them to go back," She pushed it again to help him and he started going back and forth as he laughed happily.

She took a step back, trying not to make eye contact with the demon child that was still standing in his place. She noticed him starting to take a few steps back.

"DANNA!" Deidara gushed, and Sasori had to jump back in place. "Lookie-lookie-lookie-lookie!" He said as he continued to kick his legs and go back and forth.

Sasori made a head movement that might have been a nod. Deidara continued to gush and glee. Mei sat on a bigger swing next to him, and relaxed as Deidara continued this for about... fifteen minutes.

Sasori's head had started to lean forward, signalling he was very annoyed with the constaint gleeing and giggling Deidara was making. It got lower and lower as more time passed and he got more annoyed... lower...lower...lower... and his chin was now touching his chest...

Suddenly, Deidara stopped swinging and started leaning forward, Mei got up and caught him before he flipped out of the swing. "All done?"

"Uh-huh." Deidara confirmed. "Common Danna lets pay on the big-big thingy!" He gleed, pointing at the jungle gym, and quickly grabbing Sasori's hand and pulling him towards it. Mei giggled and then followed slowly behind to keep an eye on them.

Luckily, after not getting on the big-kids jungle gym on first try. Deidara then pulled Sasori to the toddlers jungle gym, he let go of Sasori to begin climbing up the tiny slide.

When Deidara was at the top he turned back to Sasori. "Danna-Danna common!"

Sasori didn't move or reply, infact he didn't even bother to glare at Deidara. He was too busy pretending he was somewhere dark, quiet, and Deidaraless.

Deidara went around to the small ladder and jumped down. He then ran over and poked Sasori a few times. "...Are you broken?"

Sasori didn't reply of course, but his eyes twitched in Deidara's direction, sadly remembering he was there.

"...You're crippled aren't you?" Deidara said, knowing only that crippled people don't do much. "... Wuz you in the crippled people olympocs?" He cheered giddily.

Sasori still didn't move or say anything, but he was staring at Deidara, now fully aware that he hated him. And that if he ever came into possesion of something long, hard, and rusty, he would beat him with it.

Deidara was still clapping at the thought of his Danna being an athlete, it took a few minutes for this to subside, and Deidara notice that Sasori still wasn't doing anything. Sasori had even taken his stare off Deidara, searching despretely for the invisable Sallizagon...

Deidara then started poking him. "Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke." Sasori had built up his resistance to the poking, so Deidara also did_ this_ for a very long time before he found it wouldn't work. " Poke... poke... poke... _pooooooke._" Deidara finished, looking at Sasori's face for reaction. There was none, but in not being able to find the Sallizagon, Sasori was looking at him again. "You needta' do somethin'." Deidara declared.

There was a few minutes of silence, in which both childrens minds were apparently blank. Until Deidara perked, up.

"Om, Danna stay there I be back~" Deidara took his shoulders and positioned him where to wait. Then he ran over to Mei, sitting back on her bench watching close by.

"Yes Deidara?"

"I gotsta go potty!" Deidara declared. Mei nodded, taking his hand and leading him to the restroom area.

Sasori, watching him leave, found his chance to skip to Plan C. Which was to run and hide. He had originally planned to do this only when after beating Deidara and finding that he also couldn't die, but this seemed like a good chance also.

He rushed over to a climbing dome thingy, slipped through the diamond holes, got in the middle, put his doll on his head, got on the ground, put dirt on his back, and hid there.

...Five minutes later.

"Danna!" Deidara gleed happily. "There you are!"

Sasori groaned, Next time he'll wait untill after Plan B and then go hide in a bush.

"So you aren't crippled!" He yelled, pointing at him. "I knew it! You did something and I missed it! Like when Gampa tooked me to the Zoo and I misseded the monkeys throwing their poo!" Deidarar started stoping and whining that he missed his Danna being in motion.

Sasori sat crosslegged, watching Deidara, and every so often averting his eyes to check the inside of the dome for anything long hard and rusty.

Finally, Deidara also lost entertainment in his tantrum, but not in Sasori. "Common lessgo do somethin!" He grabbed Sasori's arm yet again and pulled him out of the dome and away.

Deidara this time pulled him off the wood-chip floored jungle gym area and next door to the baseball area. The sun was already beggining to set, and the field was empty, so Deidara pulled him to the middle of the field before stopping. Mei had gotten up and moved to a players bench on the field to watch Deidara.

In the middle of the field, Deidara let go of Sasori and turned to him again. "Can you do somethin' now?" Sasori of course glared at him, motionless.

Deidara cocked his head to think of what to do now. He straightened up and jumped, trying to see if he would be like a mirror and copy, but Sasori still didn't do anything.

Deidara slumped dramaticly, he tried grabbing his arm and moving it around to see if that would help, but Sasori's arm just went back to being limp at his side once he let go.

Deidara ruffled his own hair, thinking. Steam about to start comming out his ears. He blew fluffy blonde bangs out of his face, before the clearer vision helped him notice something. "Can I play wif your dolly?"

Sasori grunted defesively, clutching his doll closer and stepping away.

Deidara was apparently joyfull he had done that. as he smiled and clapped momentarily. "Do something else!" He cheered.

Sasori just glared at him with a new look of 'touch the dolly and I'll find a dog to maim you'

Deidara was happy he'd found his Danna as mobile, so he just stood there, and watched him as he would step farther away every couple moments.

It was dark now, and Mei figured it was soon time to leave, she made a glance at Deidara, seeing that they still wern't moving, and found it safe for her to rush away for a minute to go see if Onoki was ready to leave.

Deidara was still motionless, apparently mesmerized by his Danna as he slowly took more and more steps farther back from him. But then he perked up and noticed something.

"There you are you bloody little shrimp." Chiyo cackled as she arrived, "Now where'd I leave Ebizo?" She turned and looked around for her wandering brother. Sasori looked up at her, glare calming. This ment he could leave now.

Deidara also saw this. He whined quietly for a second, but the lifted up his hand. Sasori saw this.

"Bye-bye Danna! I lo-"

Sasori's brain snapped, in a quick moment, he looked at his doll, he loved his doll, but he hated Deidara. And as with yesterday, he would let go of it for a few seconds.

He threw the toy at Deidara once again. It wacked him in the face as it had previously. Successfully shutting Deidara up as he began to bawl.

"There he is! lessgo!" Chiyo said, grabbing Sasori's arm and pulling him away. "Eb! over here! My name is Serena I have a new fishing poll for you!"

After Sasori and Chiyo were gone, Mei returned, running over to the bawling Deidara. "Ohhh, what happened now? Common honey don't cry." She quickly thought of the cure. She pecked his cheek, leaving a dark lipstick mark, Deidara silenced and giggled up at her.

Onoki said he had a few more papers to sign, and she didn't feel like returning to the torn-apart car too terribly soon, so she sat on the grass with Deidara to wait.

Suddenly there was a loud bang that had Mei jump, and the dark sky was illuminated with colors. "Oh, lookie Dei, it's pretty fireworks!"

"Skiii!" Deidara screeched happily, running alittle ahead to watch the explosions and colors.

-Meanwhile

"Now, what's my name?"

"My name is Henric, I live in Missisippi USA and I love french people hand hamburgers. My daughter Sally sells seashells down by the seashore." Ebizo replied sarcasticly. Memory working again, and remembering he was pissed at his sister.

"Good," Chiyo agreed.

Sasori was sitting unstrapped in his booster seat. Chiyo went slow enough for that not to matter. Sasori was sitting with his arms crossed, glad Deidara was gone, and turely believeing in his mind he would never have to see him again. Then he realized something.

He screeched, jumped out of his seat and tugged on Chiyo's arm. Chiyo, becoming very familiar with Sasori usually doing none of these things, looked down. "What dear?"

Sasori clapped his hands together despretely, showing that they were empty.

"Oh my gracious." She breathed. "Eb, stay there."

"Yes ma'am." He said, fully measuring the situation. Sasori hadn't been without his doll for a complete two years, not since his parents died.

Chiyo quickly opened the cardoor and let Sasori rush out back into the park. Sasori, after a few seconds of concentration, remembered exactly where he'd left it.

He passed by the jungle gym, sandbox, dome and swings, and went through the gathering crowd in the baseball field until he was at the center.

"Danna!" Deidara gleed. Sasori ran over to him, stopped, and searched the ground, Deidara patted his head for him to look up. "Danna you forgoted your dolly~"

Sasori quickly snatched the doll Deidara was holding, Deidara gleed with himself that'd he'd returned his Danna's dolly and clapped.

As Sasori clutched the doll tightly, Deidara hugged him "Bye-bye Danna!" He gleed. Sasori wasn't glaring at Deidara, he wasn't even processing that he was there or touching him.

Chiyo caught up. "Ah there he is, see Sori?" Deidara let go and Sasori went to join her.

Another firework went off and Sasori shut his eyes and covored his ears, recoiling into Chiyo. Deidara was back at Mei's side clapping and cheering.

Mei was enjoying the show and laughing at everytime Deidara would jump in dramatic delight and squee. When she found a gray kitten pawing at her leg.

"Kitty-Kitty!" Deidara gleed. Remembering it, "I wan it I wan it!"

"Well, I don't see why not." Onoki wouldn't object a cat when he wouldn't object a child.

Chiyo had led Sasori away and back into the car, in reply to his current calmness Chiyo took the time to buckle his seat as he didn't try to kick her away.

"Okay, crisis averted," Chiyo declared upon entering herself. "And best of all, I got enough cheese cubes to last us the rest of the year. And enough little toothpicks to build a house."

She looked at her brother, he had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly.

"Okay, that's nice." She mused. She started the noisy car and checked all her mirrors, the backseat reveiled that Sasori was still calm, and looking more tired then all the bedtimes in the past two years.

"_Mew,"_ Chiyo looked out her window, a little tabby-striped cat was next to the car, she opened it slowly and beckoned it in.

After the cat jumped and curled into Ebizo's lap, Chiyo noted her mirror again. Sasori's head was against the window and his eyes were closed peacefully. "...Damn that's cute."

-**End Chapter**-

WEEEE! 8D

...The cat died... Stripey, my moms favorite. So Stripey and his still living brother Fuzzy have been given apperances, and upcoming reapearing rolls in this story~

I named them Orochi and Kami, but that seems to go through everyones ear and out the other Xd

I am once again leting my dinner get cold. Must put down new laptop, _muuuuuust._

_PS: I was going to upload all five of the 'sunday' chapters today, but between being lazy and making Christmas cards, these two are the only ones finished, KakuHid should be up soon though!_


	4. Coffins and Cartwheels

DISCLAIMER: I don't own ANYTHING!

But a laptop... well, Momma's hubbie got that for me, but still~... And the data base_ does_ read 'Steve's Computer' ..._Buuuuut..._

Anyway.

SO MOVIN ON NOW! 8D

I can't think of anything to say... ah- wait,

Okay, so Chibi Akatsuki is going to have four parts. Toddler, Child, Tween, and Teen. And in the end, there will be a _minimal_ of 45 chapters. Most likely more.

I said that and my Grandma looks at me like 'Who wants to read something that long?' And starts suggesting all sorts of random, not-gonna-work-for-me crap.

Hey, Stephen King and the author of the 'Most Reviewed Naruto FanFic Ever' Chunin Exam Day, which is around 80 chapters if I'm not mistaken, don't seem to have any problems.

Hmmm, but after this, my next story will be 'Just Another Day', better titles pending. IMAGINE ALL THE NARUTO CHARACTERS AS NON-NINJAS AND EVERYBODYS HAPPY AND CAREFREE! WEEEEE!

...!

...Story now~

-**Coffins and Cartwheels**-

"Mom, I'm _not wearing_ these!"

"Oh, but honey I want everyone to see your handsome little face." Kamiko cooed to her son, fixing the hair clips on the sides of his head.

"These are _stupid!_ only girls wear them!"

"That's not true honey-"

"They're from Chi-Chi!"

"Well- still. I've seen boys wear them."

"What? at a fuckin' _drag show?_"

"Hidan! I told you not to talk like that!"

"Screw you,"

Hidan's Mother was a very moral and Christian woman, and she didn't believe in spanking. But that wouldn't help anyway, as her sister put it 'Only a sex-change operation with a butterknife will teach that boy a lesson' and the sad part, was probably how true that was.

In fact, the entire Ai family was bordering on Morman. Where as Kamiko and Jin's son Hidan, was bordering on _Satanism._

Yes, all children are rowdy and rambuncious. But those words when compared with Hidan seemed like comparing 'upsetting' to the feeling of Santa bursting into flames infront of hundreds of children.

Which Kamiko was familiar with. Two Christmas' ago, despite having a low vocabulary and undevelomped motor skills. Two-year-old Hidan pulled down a candlestick and set a mall Santa on fire, and from then on, whenever she went to Toys R Us, the cashiers would look upon her like an angel damning a soul.

Speaking of such, Kami and Jin were both feeling very reluctaint to bring their son to what would be a very large funeral service for his Grandmother Saki. But then they felt that Hidan's absense would create speculation that the boy wasn't even _able_ to set foot on holy grounds.

Which could have been true, it never failed, everytime the went to Church, Hidan would randomly start screaming throughout the entire service...

Which is why the couple were slowly escorting their tempermental son up the steps.

"What the fuck is this place?"

"Please don't talk like that Hidan."

"ANSWER ME!"

Jin jumped infront of his son and knelt down to his level. "It's a funeral home! Alright? And you have to be very quiet and polite, okay?" He practicley pleaded.

Hidan didn't like to be 'quiet' and 'polite' those words weren't fun. But at the same time, he looked at the place and found it looked even less fun, and he wouldn't have anything to do anyway."Hnmm."

"Alrighty lets go!" His father took his hand and started leading him back up the steps.

"What's a funeral home anyway?"

"It's a place where the dearly departed go to be prepaired for burial and said goodbye too."

Hidan brightened up quickly. "So there's dead people inside!"

-Later

Despite the obvious gurantee of dead people, Hidan was still finding it very boring. He was stuck in one room, full of nothing but his boring family members, with yucky hairclips in his hair, having to hold his Fathers hand the whole time. And the room was full of fake flowers, old chairs, and way-too-polite priests. There was a TV, but it was showing a constaint loop of pictures, full of nothing but his boring relatives. And there was only one dead person that he could see, and he wasn't tall enough to look into the coffin.

"Papa! I don't even know whos the dead person." 

Jin looked down at his son yanking on his arm. "It's your Grandma Saki, remember? We visited her in the Hospital when she had the heart attack."

"I don't know which one Saki is!" Hidan yelled, ignoring the method of remembering visiting the Hospital.

His Mother rushed over to try and keep him from yelling anymore. "Grandma Saki's the one that always gave you those chocolate mints you like."

"What!" Hidan yelled yet again. "She's dead!" He wretched his hand out of his Fathers grasp and ran over to the coffin, jumping up on a chair set next to it and looked inside. "Dammit!" Hidan spun around on the chair. "Who's gonna give me my chocolate now!"

Jin was blanching as Kamiko unsteadily tryed to calm him. "Honey-honey we can buy you chocolate! Okay? on our way home, and we can rent a movie you like. Okay?"

"I WANT MY CHOCOLATE MINTS!" He screeched, and by that point, even deaf Aunt Ichigo had heard him. Some of the Priests were saying silent prayers and smiling nervously.

Kamiko's sister Nana came up. "Hidan! get down here this instaint!"

Hidan was still scowling, but he jumped off the chair. Mainly because he finds Aunt Nana 'uber scary'

"Now you march yourself out into the hall and wait there _silently _until we come get you!"

Hidan, silently, marched comicly out into the hall. Where he stopped, and started screaming with his mouth closed and stomping on the floor violently.

"Quiet down will you?" Hidan shot up, he wasn't opening his mouth! He looked around and noticed a boy sitting on one of the halls old couches

"BASTARD TWERP!"

"_HIDAN!"_

Hidan slapped his mouth shut, checked the door, and then ran over to the couch and got up closer to Kakuzu. "_Bastard twerp~"_

"...Yea... Hi..." Kakuzu growled.

Hidan now found himself without anything to say, which was rare, since most times he would even talk to himself. So he sat there, staring at the other boy, not saying anything.

"Can you please stop staring at me?"

"You wuz running a store!" Hidan declared.

Kakuzu glared at him, commenting in his head on how dump he was. "...Yes, that would be right, we saw eachother _yesterday._"

"You!" Hidan said hushedly, now pointing at him, and considering Hidan was sitting right up against him, his finger prodded the boys nose.

"...I can bite you, twerp, Unlike you I have all my grown-up teeth."

Hidan fliched slightly in jealousy, he wanted grown-up _teeeeeeeth!_

He pulled away and pouted, for about 3.6 seconds. The he was back to sitting practicly ontop of Kakuzu. "How come _you're_ here! I should only have to deal with you when Momma and Papa are at work!"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, eyeing him. "Someone I know _died._ You know, that's why all people come to funeral homes."

Hidan rolled his eyes and sigh dramaticly. "Not _all _people doofus! Some of them _work here._"

Kakuzu's mouth was hanging agap, staring at this boys stupidity. " _I'm_ a doofus?"

"Yea!"

"What's six times eight?"

Hidan stared and him dully for a few seconds. "... What?"

"Name our Mayor and all of his Council."

"..._What?"_

"What makes the grass wet in the morning?"

"I know that one!" He said as-matter-of-factly. "That's Fairy footprints, but personally, I think alottof it's dog pee."

Kakuzu stared at him, before deciding that he had most certainly won this round. And then returned to staring at the floor.

"I know, you're pissed that I know more then you~" Hidan said proudly. Kakuzu felt the muscles in his fist twitch.

Hidan yawned loudly, feeling very bored, and wondering if maybe Aunt Nana would split open her gut and have to leave to go to the Hospital anytime soon.

Kakuzu looked up at him. "Whatter you doing out here anyway?"

"Aunt Nana didn't like me yelling." Hidan said, thinking about how stinky and unfair Aunt Nana was.

Kakuzu blinked. "_Most_ people don't like bratty four-year-olds yelling at a funeral."

"Hey!" Hidan sat straight, and although he was about to clobber the other boy, he spotted Aunt Nana leaning out the doorway to check on him. So Hidan quieted and held his spot till she swayed back inside.

Kakuzu yawned now, crossing his arms and looking at Hidan. "I find you exceedingly obnoxious and impossible to spend any miniscule amount of time with."

"What!" Hidan yelled again.

Kakuzu kicked his legs. "You remind me of Black*Star from Soul Eater." 

"Black*Star's awsome!" 

"Death the Kid's stronger." 

"Kid's a pimp! Black*Star is king!"

"You don't even know what a pimp is, Kid trumps everything, he was created to."

"BLACK*STAR'S BETTER!"

"No, Kid is."

"Black*Star!"

"Kid,"

"Black*Star!"

"Kid."

"Black*Star!"

"Liz and Patty double-team."

"Tsubaki TRANSFORMS!"

"Tsubaki's a closet perv."

"LIZ AND PATTY WERE HOOKERS!"

"No, their Mom was a hooker, they were just theifs."

"KID SUCKS!"

"Black*Star's gay for Kid."

"GAAAAAH!" Hidan yowled in annoyance.

Kakuzu sighed, this conversation was pointless, due to the clear fact that Kid pwns all the world. He'd been wanting something to happen soon, but he hadn't wished for that happening to be his brain being turned into a large rasin, from communicating and prolonged exposure to this sorry excuse for an air bag/human being.

Hidan jumped off the couch and Kakuzu was hoping he'd return to his own funeral, but he got infront of him, all traces of annoyance and anger gone, holding a blank look of wonder on his face. "You don't believe in the fairies, do you?"

Kakuzu stared at him some more. "... You know, this might be a breakthrough for other kids with ADHD. Delusions of little fairies flying around, it makes sense. Maybe a undeveloped case of schizophrenia."

Hidan didn't understand a mayjority of those words, but he continued on. "That's why you suck so much. Doofus- of course I've never _seen_ the fairies! they'd kill me! or take me to harvest from my beauty."

Kakuzu sputtered out a chuckle. And then he decided he wanted to play therapist. "And who told you about these fairies?"

"Momma and Papa read stories about them, but those stories are lies! Fairies wrote them themselves to fool us! They steal our shiny things and sugary sweets for themselves, and sometimes take young children to their invisable castles to have as pets!"

Kakuzu leaned forward, speaking softly. "Have _you_ been taken to the Fairy Castle?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure they want me, cuz they like talented people." Hidan said, also leaning close, and talking very seriously.

"And I suppose that it's actually fairies that leave all those signs of aliens, ghosts and God?"

"Of course not!" Hidan shouted, shocked. "Aliens just come here to kill time, ghosts are everywhere, and God's a wuss, he stopped commin' around after we got tech-nen-ology because we could use our calculators to show how uncool he is."

"...Our, _calculators_?"

"God doesn't know math." Hidan explained.

Kakuzu blinked yet again. "...Does Jesus know math?"

"Maybe, I haven't thought about that hald yet."

"...Interesting." Kakuzu leaned back and pretended to take notes into his hand.

"What?"

"Nothing, but I must talk to my superiors about your case." He put his imaginary notepad away. "Hidan Ai, I believe you are gifted."

"Damn, the fairies will be comming soon then." Hidan declared. "...Wait, how'd you know my last name?" 

Kakuzu explained, "I'm a fairy, sent on a mission to measure you up for our approval."

"No way!" Hidan gasped.

"Yes, no way. I was lying." Yesterday, while Hidan was deflecting customers from Kakuzu's mini-business, he'd _asked_ him his name.

"Oh," There was silence for a while, as neither party could think of what to say. "...Do you believe in the ghosts?" 

Kakuzu stared at him, hard, not replying.

"Course you don't. This explains all the reasons of why you're so lame." Hidan decided, then he got an idea. He checked the doorway for his Aunt Nana before turning back to Kakuzu. "I can show you the ghosts!"

Kakuzu continued to stare, before sighing. "You _know_ where the ghosts are?"

"This is a funeral house! there's gonna be tons of ghosts here!" He explained excitedly. "And I think I saw a graveyard in the back! commoncommoncommon!" He grabbed Kakuzu's sleeve and eruptly yanked him off the couch and down the hall.

After a few mere moments of jogging, Hidan ran into the wall and stopped. Kakuzu growled grumpily. "What are you _doing!"_

Hidan patted the door infront of them experimentally. "Maybe this one leads to the room where they put makeup on the bodies." Kakuzu moaned and rolled his eyes. "The sign next to it says 'exit' you retard."

"Ey! I am not a retard!" Hidan pointed at him yelling. He looked at the sign, it was white, and the shapes inside of it were black, that's all Hidan knew, because his parents were frieghtened to attempt to shove any knowladge into his head and were waiting for him to turn six and go to school.

Regardless, Hidan looked around quickly for another door. Then he dived for it, screaming in delight, and tryed to yank open the door on the left.

Kakuzu watched the pint-sized devil struggle to get a good hold on the doorknob that was above his head. Kakuzu was thinking of returning to his seat and just ignoring him...So he did.

"HIDAN!" Hidan then ran back over to the couch, and waited for Aunt Nana to return to inside of the funeral room.

When she was gone, Hidan turned to Kakuzu to try and tug him out of the couch again, which was good, considering Nana stuck her head out again to double-take Hidan. So she didn't see him jumping out of the couch, which he did seconds later, with Kakuzu in tow again.

"That ladies good."

"That ladies annoying and totally on my case for no reason!" Hidan said hushedly, struggling again with the doorknob.

"Any other objections to her supriority?"

Hidan paused for a moment in thought "...She's a lesbo."

"If anything that helps her side."

"Well shuttup!" Hidan said, and in jerking his head in Kakuzu's direction, gave the doorknob the right motion needed to open. "Ah-ha!" Hidan jumped inside. "FREEDOM!" He yelled excitedly, then he blew his hair out of his face.

And the door shut behind him. Muffled cursing from behind the door was heard.

Kakuzu, fully aware of the wrath of Aunt Nana from only seeing her leaning out a doorway and looking scary, decided not to be the child suddenly standing in the hallway alone. He opened the door, easily, and then felt the four-year-old grabbing his jacket and yanking him inside.

Hidan closed the door again and leaned against it, looking very dramatic. Kakuzu looked at him, again, thinking that he was an idiot.

"Okay, now we begin." Hidan stated hushedly.

Kakuzu sighed, thinking in his head that this current chain events just wasn't right.

Hidan looked around the dark area, then started running up the stairs infront of him. Kakuzu, having nothing else to do and after concluding that standing there would not help the situation, followed.

Kakuzu was casually thinking about all the things that could go wrong when a four year old was in the dark when Hidan couincidentally found the lightswitch.

"Ah-ha!" Hidan looked around excitedly, the room was wood colored, and there were coffins everywhere. "Dead bodies!"

Kakuzu groaned, glaring at the back of the boys head. "There aren't any bodies in here, this is where they model the coffins."

Hidan turned around. "Model coffins?" Hidan thought for a second, suddenly wondering if he could ever become a coffin model, and imagining the snotty blond people he saw on TV sitting inside a coffin, and grinningly showing of it's workings.

Just then was when someone tapped Hidan's shoulder, Kakuzu, having seen the person comming chuckled darkly at Hidan's high-pitched scream.

"What are you two young children doing all the way up here?" A kind-looking and smiling priest asked.

"He wanted to see what was in here sir, and I came with him because I knew little kids shouldn't be alone." Kakuzu said professionally. Hidan flipped his white head over and glared at him.

"Well, it's all quite all right, but why don't I help you boys find the exit now?" He suggested.

Hidan didn't like priests, the priest at his parents' church was tall, old, cranky, and boring. And above all, Hidan learned from watching South Park that priests like to kidnap little boys like him. And then he thought of having to live with a tall, old, cranky, and boring priest the rest of his life.

This caused Hidan to suddenly scream in terror and run down the stairs.

Kakuzu watched him pass, quickly bowed to the priest, and then turned to follow after him, because Hidan leaving, ment returning to the hall, which Kakuzu would much prefer to be.

And Kakuzu learned from watching the news that priests like to kidnap little boys.

But moving on.

Hidan somehow managed to jet down the stairs without falling. and in jumping off the lasy step, grabbed the doorknob in mid air and yanked it open.

Kakuzu joined him quickly enough to meet Aunt Nana, glaring down at them on the other side. And Hidan was quickly wishing he had decided to stay with the priest instead.

"OHMYGOD DON'T KILL ME!" Hidan whined loudly, recoiling and hiding behind Kakuzu.

Kakuzu slumped at the pure stupidity that was the boy behind him. And began thinking his braincells would never recovor from this ruthless onslaught.

Meanwhile, Aunt Nana had leaned down to yank Hidan away and was already starting to lecture him. Then, Kakuzu got a plan. And years from now, he would still be trying to convince Hidan it was done purely to keep his IQ up.

"That might be my fault Ma'am." Kakuzu said, Nana looked at him, working as an intern at a lawyer firm when she was younger gave her a good grasp of when people have something importaint to say. "I wanted to look at the rooms, and he didn't want to be in the Hallway alone, so I _told _him to come with me."

Hidan, much to relieved that Aunt Nana's grasp on his arm had loosened to notice Kakuzu referring to him as a coward, was fully ready to weep in joy. And Kakuzu was a really good lyiar for a seven-year-old. So Aunt Nana fully believed him, but that might have been helped by her belief that Hidan was a big pussy cat.

Which was true, but the stories going off pace.

Nana sighed down at her nephew, and let him go. "Go back with your parents and stay quiet." She instructed him. Hidan nodded frieghtened and ran off. Then she turned to Kakuzu. "Okay cutie, you can run along too."

Kakuzu gave the chaste smile he usually gave to a policemen or grocery clerk, bowed, and then calmly returned to the sofa this whole mess started on.

Meanwhile, Hidan had ran inside the room and gripped onto his Mother's leg. Prepaired to drive under her skirt once Aunt Nana returned. And when she did, he ducked below the fabric and made his Mother meep.

Hidan stayed there the rest of the service. Which lowered his Mothers movement, but she was fine since he was being beautifully quiet. If only he wasn't camped out under there, he might look like a little gentlemen.

About fifteen minutes later, the service was older, and a old priest came in and talked to Hidan's parents, as his father had been the firstborn of the passed.

"We'll be taking her down for burial once the last party has finished." He said, Hidan took only the parts of speaking into his head that he knew ment he could leave soon. And not have to see Aunt Nana no more.

"Thank you sir, you've been very kind." Hidan's father said. Kamiko was patting her skirt, hoping Hidan would poke out.

After a bit of wrestling, Kamiko stepped away and the fabric fluttered off his head, messying his hair and making him start to panic.

Hidan held his hair in place as he got behind his Mother anxiously wondering if Aunt Nana was anywhere near.

The priest walked away, but the spot was filled by another old man. This one bald and hunched, who Hidan was fairly familiar with. Since he was the husband of his deceased grandmother.

"There you are, I was sure you'd run off and I get wouldn't see you." He said to Hidan.

"I'm sorry for his commotion earlier Dad, he's in the phase-" Jin had started.

"Oh nonsense!" He said quickly. "Hidan was always your Mother's favorite, you know how boring she found the rest of you." He added playfully. Then he turned Nana, who was standing near to keep a hawk-eye on Hidan. "She liked you too Ninny, if only you were on our side." She giggled.

Hidan's grandfather knelt down to him, bringing a bag out from behind his back. "Granma Saki would want you to have these." 

Hidan brightened up, forgetting about Aunt Nana's gaze for a moment, "CHOCOLATE!" 

"She picked those up from every Hotel we ever visited, the first thing she'd ask is what time they put them on the pillows." He said laughingly. Hidan was about to tear up the bag.

Kamiko rushed down to keep him from spreading them across the floor. "Honey- If you save them for when we're home Mommy can break them up and put them in your icecream!" Hidan thought of the idea, grinned, and continued to clutch the delicious chocolate mints.

The priest asked everyone to stand by the doors and wait for the people on the other side of the hall to leave the parking lot. Hidan's parents guided him to the doorway where he fidgetted and hopped waiting for home.

"And then, when we get home I wanna play my video game while you make the icecream, and then, I want to play- uhhhh, Baseball! yeah Baseball! can we play baseball Dad?" Hidan chattered.

"Sure son." Jin breathed.

Hidan was giddily excited and leaned into the hallway the people where all outside and his own relatives were starting to file out. Only two people remained from the last party, standing near the doorway speaking with another priest.

The pair was Kakuzu and his father, then it clicked in Hidan's head, oh yeah, if he's here, then someone he know's died. He thought, completely forgetting their entire conversation earlier.

Hidan's parents jerked him ahead to pass them by to get to the door, with perfect timing for Hidan to be close enough at the right time to hear the wrong set of words.

"I just can't believe she's gone truely, so bright and colorful, you must be devestated." The priest said sorrowfully.

Kakuzu's father muttered something, but Hidan was at the eye level where he could only see Kakuzu staring at the floor in thought, before tugging his father's hand.

"Papa?"

"Yes Kakuzu?"

"Is it my fault Mama died?"

Hidan slowed softly enough that his parents didn't noticed untill they were at the bottom of the steps.

Kakuzu's father looked down, and for a brief moment, a rare sense of compassion was around him and he got down to his sons level. "Of course not, why would you think that? Mama was sick for a long time."

"But what if something I did made her sick? I was _always_ telling her what to do." He said softly, still looking at the floor.

"Don't think like that Kakuzu, nothing was your fault." He said, standing up again. "Listen, we'll go to lunch tomarrow before I go to work and we'll talk about that, alright?"

Kakuzu nodded softly to show he heard. Hidan, blinked, a split second of what he would be like without him Mom echoed in his head. He tabbed Kakuzu's shoulder.

Kakuzu turned around, switching slowly to annoyed mode. "What?"

Hidan took a deep breath, and held out his bag of chocolates.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. Glaring half-heartedly at the boy.

"Just take em' before I change my mind!" Hidan screeched. Kakuzu looked at him for a second more, before slowly taking the bag. Hidan then stood there awkwardly before trumbling down the steps.

Hidan's parents watched, teary-eyed. Overjoyed they'd found proof that their son was not the Anti-Christ.

-**End Chapter**-

Wanna know why this took so long? Five words: 

Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas.

Videogames for Christmas are not good for me XD

And while hooking up to my grandmas interenet to try and download the skin selector, my Laptop was attacked by virusus, and I had to quickly unhook, give up my quest, and restore the Computer to an earlier point of time.

It's like it went to it's first college party, got raped, and I had to brainwash it XD

So then, yeah. I stopped writting this chapter when I was nervous it would be too short, but after measuring the length, it's roughly the same length as the SasoDei chapter, nyah, goodie.

But I kicked the finishing into gear when I read the other chapters allowed to my grandma, and she wouldn't let me read this one until it was finished, so as I'm currently typing this, she's playing Mah-jong on the computer while I sit in her living room, typing away.

But I came up with the ending of this chapter quite a while ago. When I was randomly thinking of things Akatsuki would do together as toddlers, I'll go ahead and tell, since I never got to the others anyway.

The KisaIta chapter originally had nothing to do with the Rugrats-themed adventure of building a house. I magically came up with that while typing. Originally, in included alot more pointlessness, less adult characters, More Orochimaru, a Madara wrestling with a half-naked Tobi, an absense of Kisame's Mom, and a Baby Sasuke being cooed at by Orochimaru in his carseat.

The SasoDei chapter originally was alot less active. Sasori and Deidara, meet up at a park, Chiyo stays present, yelling obsurd things, and the ending fireworks scene feels more Rugrats-y.

Then, The KakuHid chapter was really just them meeting in a hall, annoying eachother, and then leaving, with Hidan having caused the commotion, but Aunt Nana was imagined on the spot when I realized I made Hidan's parents too much of pushovers to lecture him. Hidan gets chocolates in same way, over hears Kakuzu's mothers death, gives the weirded-out Kakuzu his chocolates, and then leaves awkwardly. XD

Weeee~

Next chapter is YahiKonNag, which since I don't know what it's going to be about, should mean that I'll sit infront of the computer, and magically write it out quickly.

Tobi and Zetsu might take a while, since I know what I want to do, but the writting format I'm planning might be, eh, difficult.

I'm still looking for OC's, just pick something out the the air, anything, I need random little kids for when Akatsuki start school! I got two very creative girls, thanks to people whose screennamed I've forgotten, but I need more! gimme a boy! I need a bully whos ass will eventually get kicked by Kisame/Hidan/Itachi/Deidara/Konan/Tobi...Or Zetsu, ooooh Zetsu. He'll get summore spotlight then he did in SOS, 4 shure~

Then there's the whole origins crap of this chapter. In my Akatsuki Origin decisions, Kakuzu's father has left and his Mother later dies orphaning Kakuzu. In this story, I made Kakuzu's Dad there, and a relatively nice guy.

Some of my Akatsuki Origins are painfully undeveloped. Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan's were fun to come up with. Itachi, Pain and Konan's is already fully explored. But I have no idea what Madara growing up would be like, since I can't stop giggling at non-canon adventures of him and Hashirama. Where as with Kisame, his origin is sweet but short, and finally with Kakuzu, well, I finally decided to add something, like a girl on his team that had a crush on him, a respected sensei, and some Sasu-Saku like goodbyes when Kakuzu leaves... I like Kakuzu~

But I'm rambling, and this is getting too long. so... yeah... There are some bad typos in this, but at the moment I don't feel like fixing them. But just like with SOS, once this is finished, I'll be obnoxiously compelled to revise all the chapters.

Ah yes, and to thedeathglarerofyaoi. Deary, I like you, you're a neat kid, but eventually, you're gonna see that you're being somewhat obscene. I'm sorry for forgetting to mention you at all, since you did give me some plot-point ideas, but you don't have to yell at me about it. I'm not angry, just terribly, terribly confused~ Hugs and Kisses, hope you're still reading.


	5. Sunday School

DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING~~~~ LALALALALAAAAA!

When the top of the world! Falls on you~ 

Okay with Holidays over, the TV specials are getting back to normal, no family gatherings on the schedule, All video games successfully bored with.

Cat on chest, digging claws into shoulder... Yes, I'm ready to write...

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~

I'm trying to think of intros and outros for this. But the only thing I can think of is 'Straightjacket Feeling.' for the part 4 outro... Eh~

Virtual cookies and cuppycakes for anyone that suggests a good idea for the name of the Orphanage, if I get nothing it'll be called Uzumaki Orphanage. And I know you don't want that.

I was typing when I realized that Minato is an adult in this, where as Jiraiya is a child. When in the series, Jiraiya was Minato's teacher, XD

Screw it, I'll have fun with that later.

-**Sunday School**-

On Sundays, many of the children at the Orphanage were set up to go to Sunday school.

So this is exactly what they were doing.

It was almost nine O'clock as Mito herded the children down the block to the school. She would have to scramble them all inside if she was to make it to the Headmasters Dinner Party. And she had learned a few years back that if she failed to arrive, the tabloids would go crazy and make up stories about her and Hashirama getting seperated.

Their daughter's hair color wasn't helping. She'd been hoping it would darken to strawberry blonde with time, but that didn't seem to be working out very well, and Madara had always had a field day about that. But in reality the only blonde man Mito knew was Minato Namikaze, and he was twenty years her junior.

Mito jogged ahead of the screeching bunch to open the school doors as they all tumbled inside. Thankfully, this was where she no longer needed to be in charge of them. She'd be taking Orochimaru with her to the Dinner, since he was so heart twistingly shy and social interaction might give him a seizure. Along with Anko, who had been recently banned from the Sunday schools Kindergarden program.

Jiraiya had also been recently banned from school, but she was able to leave that particular demon child at the Orphanage. Much to the distress of it's workers.

Mito took a nice, calming breath, and said her prayers, hoping that this could be a nice, calming day. And that she wouldn't have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off for any reason...

-Inside

"Yahiko-Yahiko hurry up!" Konan giddily called, skipping up at the head of the group.

"I'm _comming!"_ Yahiko replied, slumping in the back. "Tell _Nagato_ to hurry up!"

Yahiko was falling back, trying to keep an eye on Nagato. Who had already tripped several times, and been trambled pretty badly.

The kids arrived at their classroom door, Konan, waiting at the door, watched as all the others filed out and the hallway emptied. Seeing that Yahiko and Nagato were still failing, she went back to help.

"You boys are hopeless!" She said teasingly as she helped Nagato off his knees.

"He's hopeless! _I'm_ hopeful!" Yahiko exclaimed, buffing out his chest proudly.

Nagato stared at his carrot-topped friend. Wondering if he ever really heard anything that came out his own mouth. Konan sweatdropped, before pulling Nagato ahead to the class.

Yahiko opened his eyes, noticing he'd been left behind. "HEY! WAIT UP!"

Konan giggled as Nagato and her made it to the classroom first, they then noticed that their fellow class-takers had become very quiet and were all sitting in their desks very politely.

Today, there was a new teacher in their Preschool-Sundayschool class. Instead of the kind, gentle Sister Genkami, there was an older, scary looking nun standing sternly next to the chalkboard.

Konan did her instinctive smile and curtsy. "Pleased to meet you~" Nagato followed her silently with a short bow.

"You stupid-head's I oughta throw ya' both into the darneded river-" Yahiko started as he finally arrived at the door. His mouth zipped shut when he saw the frieghtening nun. And he attempted to curtsy out of fear. "Meet to pleased you!" He said shakily.

The woman pointed sharply towards their seats and they all filed orderly towards them.

The teacher stood infront of her desk, still glaring down scarily at all the poor, unfortunate children. "My name is Sister Giriko. And you will call me exactly such. Sister Genkami fell down the stairs and hurt her ankle. So I will be teaching you for the rest of this month."

Yahiko's head buzzed with theorys of how Sister Genkami fell down the stairs, one leading to the theory of her having a jealous, evil twin sister that was friends with scary Sister Giriko, but he kept his mouth shut. Miraculously.

Konan seemed unphased by the scary teacher, but she was friends with Jiraiya-Kun, and was rarely phased by anything scary or otherwise evil.

Nagato, was scared by everything scary or otherwise evil, so he was shaking terrified in his chair. And pretending he had his blanky with him.

Sister Giriko continued. "Today I will teach you all the evils of the Greek Gods." Konan raised her hand oh-so-innocently. "Yes, Konan Shiori?"

"Sister Genkami already told us about them ma'am. She said they were angels that were vain and went off on their own."

"That wasn't their only evil, for they were also manipulative, vicious, and imbred."

Konan blinked and cocked her little head. "But Sister Giriko, if we're all children of God, wouldn't we all be brothers and sisters?"

Sister Giriko smacked her hand on Konan's desk. "You're saying you promote incestuous activity?" She said quickly.

"Um- Well no, but I'm not sure it wouldn't count since they were of a higher, unrelated power-"

"They are evil just as your tongue is! Enough of your arguments in this room!"

Konan, very much not enjoying being called evil herself, started to weep.

Yahiko shot out of his chair. "Leave her alone! she was was just trying to clear something!" He said despite not having payed any attention to anything before Konan started crying.

Nagato didn't like Konan being yelled at either, and forgot all about his former fears. "You're supposed to teach us, not scare us."

All the other children stared agap and wide-eyed at the two boys, who were now obviously in deep, deep, poopy.

Sister Giriko glared at them, and Nagato was effectively shaking again. She went over to their chairs. "I will teach you all as I see fit, I must attempt to flush all evil thoughts and actions from your minds while you're still fresh and clueless." Yahiko was full-on staring at her, since she was at Nagato's desk and about to make him pee himself. All the children in the room were thinking in union of how in deep dark Hell this woman became a nun in charge of caring for children.

Sister Giriko returned to the chalk bored. Yahiko's head hit his desk. This was going to be a long day.

"Any more incompetance from any of you and you'll be out in the hallway!"

Konan, meanwhile, was having a very innocent trail of thought. Such as 'Yahiko's gonna get in the hallway because even Sister Genkami doesn't like his interuptions.' and 'Maybe I should request a hallpass for Nagato.' These trains of though effectively made her forget all former tears and she was back to sitting politely with a drying face.

"Now, let us start with Aphrodite. She falls wholly into the section of the deadly sin of lust. Infact she would be the entirety and definition of it."

This continued on for a very long time, in which Sister Giriko was able to freighten, and scar all the children.

Nagato had cried three times, Yahiko almost threw up, and Konan and almost done both... Suddenly, the trio realized they didn't like Sundays very much.

But, thankfully, they were all allowed to take a break for lunch. So, it was this time when they three were able to talk about said situation.

"SHE'S CRAZY!" Yahiko yelled, throwing his arms up and waving despretly. "CRAZY I TELLS YA!"

Konan sipped her juice box thoughtfully. "Maybe she's just sad, and that's the reason she's so mean. We could try to make her happy."

Yahiko rolled his eyes, "Don't be stupid! that's-... uhh, stupid!" Yahiko declared. "We need to rebel! who's with me? we'll take this world by storm!"

Nagato was also sipping his juicebox, and staring at Yahiko, who was now standing ontop of the desk, and exclaiming all of the super-power moves he was going to use to change the world, and such.

Konan blinked up at her spazzing friend. And then looked down to Nagato. "I think I'd rather be attending a funeral right now."

Nagato nodded figorously.

-Later

Yahiko had decided his plan. He was going to activate his recording eye-contacts, and then send a large army of moles into the classroom. Then, he would throw bucket loads of oranges all over the classroom. The moles would eat the oranges and make everything sticky.

When everyone got inside, he would throw a bunch of cats inside, and then lots of fish, the kids would get covored in the hair, and then they would start eating the fish. Because fish is good, Yahiko really likes fish, because fish is delicious. Yum, yum, yummy fish.

...Anyway.

Then, he was going to use super magnets and electodes. He would call for Sister Giriko, and when she came in, she would get stuck on the magnet, and he would dress her in funny hippy-leather-dirty clothes. And then electro-shock her brain.

Because Yahiko was often told by Jiraiya that if he got any more hyper, they would think he had sci-zoo-friend-ia and electro shock his brain so his personality would become the opposite...

And to Yahiko, Jiraiya was GOD.

So, he would electro shock Sister Giriko's brain, and make her personality opposite, so instead of being mean, tidy, and logical. She would be nice, sloppy, and weirdoz.

Then, he would tell Konan to grow wings and fly up to the police station and tell them to come to the school.

So then, when they got there, All the kids would be sticky hairy cats eating fish... Yummy, yummy fish. And Sister Giriko would be acting weirdoz, and dressed weirdoz, and she might even offer them lots of fish, because she would be happy, and nice, and weirdoz.

And then she would go to jail because Yahiko would have used a super transformation power to turn into Sister Giriko and act out all the scenes in between to try and prove that Sister Giriko had come back- because the lady that was there was Sister Giriko's evil twin sister!- And the 'real' Sister Giriko was a animals activity-ists. (Jiraiya said that animal activity-ists were muddy and talked like 70's people) and she had come to turn all the children in the world into cats so people would be happy.

But since she had allowed all those moles inside, she would get in trouble and go to jail.

So then they would have a few weeks off of Sunday school!

And, if Sister Giriko ever DID come back, she would be nice. So it wouldn't matter.

...

Konan then had to explain to him that all of that was _impossible._ How was she supposed to grow wings! And how was he going to put in contacts! He screams and crys when Mito trys to give him eye drops!

And according to Artemis Fowl, recording contacts are uncomfortable... DUUUUH...

"Okay then! what ARE we gonna do?"

Konan blinked, "...Um, sing her a song?"

"You can't sing Konan!"

"Yes I can!"

Yahiko and Konan then argued about this for a while, meanwhile, Nagato checked his notebook, and wrote down some of the things Sister Giriko had talked about for in case she quizzed them later.

Sister Giriko returned from her own lunch. "Alright children, for the last half of the class, I'll be talking about Zeus, the king of and the worst of the Greek Gods, because he had all of the sins put together, not to mention that he married his sister!"

Yahiko was banging his head on the table. Hating himself for not being able to wear recording contacts.

"Yahiko! What do you think you're doing!"

Yahiko looked up at her. "Cursing my life."

Sister Giriko gasped, stunned. "Curse? only witches curse! and witches muct be hunted!"

Konan blinked, now she was just sounding ridiculous. "Yahiko's not a witch! Technically he would be a wizard- and if he was a wizard, he would be a nice wizard-like Dumbledore!"

Sister Giriko stared at her. "And you've read those disgusting witchcraft books! All of you- into the hallway!"

Yahiko screeched. "This is insane!"

Sister Giriko shuffled them out. Before exiting she looked out at the other children. "Anyone else on the side of the devil?" All the children shook their heads. "Any questions?"

Nagato raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Why are you such a bitch?"

-Later

Yahiko, Nagato, and Konan were standing in a line outside the classroom, holding two buckets of water each.

"This is STUPID!"

"Enough out of you!" Sister Giriko yelled from the other side of the door.

"Yahiko, I told you, maybe we should just be really, really nice. And then she'll stop. It's all a matter of kindness, love, and the circle of all things beautiful and prosperti-it-it-tis..."

Yahiko stared at her for a couple seconds before bursting out laughing.

"Shush up Yahiko! you can't talk good either!" Konan yelled at him. Then, knowing she also couldn't pronounce the following words, nudged Nagato. "Tell em' Nagato."

Nagato steadied himself, and took a step closer to Konan, getting ready to dive behind Konan's back if Yahiko lunged at him. "...Say... um, 'ketchup' and 'cigerette'." He then hid his face behind Konan's shoulder.

Yahiko pouted and glared at him. "Kesup an' cigat." He said, before realizing those most certainly didn't come out right. He tried the most failed one again first: "...Cig-...er...at." He growled at himself. "_at._" He found himself unable to make the 'ette' sound at all. "_AT!'_

Konan, satisfied that she'd certainly won the argument, decided to assist. "Say 'Jet'."

"Jet."

"Now say it without the 'J' noise."

"..._eeht_..."

"Now say it."

"...Cig-...er..._eeht._"

"Yay!" Konan gleed, being unable to clap for him. "Now say the other one."

"Kesup." He twitched. "DAMMIT!"

"Fifteen more minutes!" Yelled Sister Giriko from behind the door.

Yahiko struggled not to repeat himself. Instead opting for breathing hard.

-Later

It was the end of the day, the trio had been allowed back into the classroom to wait for their bus. And were currently sitting in the far corner.

"I refuse to come back next sunday if she is still teaching here!" Yahiko declared, "We have to do something!"

"What do you want to try _now_ Yahiko?" Konan groaned.

The boy thought for a few seconds. ",,,,,We can go with you're idea now."

"Yay!" She cheered happily.

"But how are we going to make her happy?" Nagato asked quietly.

Konan sat back, 'umming' for a great while. Cocking her head and moving her brain-gears around. "... What makes us happy?"

Yahiko thought for under a second. "Being awesome."

Nagato couldn't think of anything, since he wasn't really happy, most of the time he was down-right scared of everything. "Um, kittys?"

Konan poked her head to make it work better. "Hmmm, I like cake~"

"Jello!" Yahiko yelled. "Jello makes everybody happy!"

"I like jello!" Konan agreed.

Yahiko went back to his thinking stance. "Hmmm, but she won't eat the jello, we have to put it in something she'll eat."

Nagato blinked. "Um, well, all she's been eating or drinking is her coffee." Because coffee appered to be the only thing Sister Giriko didn't think was evil.

Yahiko nodded agreeingly. "Yes, yes, so we'll put the jello in her coffee."

"What!" Nagato stared at him. "You're gonna put jello in her coffee!"

"Yes!" Yahiko declared. "To the jel-lo-cation!" He giggled happily at himself being awesome and ran off.

Nagato turned to Konan. "You're not gonna let him do this are you?"

Konan looked down at him very seriously. "I'm sorry Nagato. It's the only way." Then she turned and marched off.

-A few moments later

Nagato was still sitting in the corner, not believeing eyes- well, at least he wouldn't have. He had his head buried in a couch in the back of the room at the moment. But he knew exactly what was happening.

Yahiko and Konan were currently inching up to Sister Giriko's desk. Yahiko had taken a large handfull of the jello in the fridge down the hall and was holding it under his arm like he assumed a army-man would carry his own weapon of mass destruction.

The two made it to the head of the desk, where Sister Giriko was reading the church newsletter, and correcting all the quotes.

Konan gave the butterfly hand signal that they decided would mean yes. And Yahiko stood up and plopped the giant mass of jello into the small coffee cup. Splashing the former contents out for the new.

Sister Giriko looked up. "What in the world?"

Konan shot up and happily gleed. "Isn't jello happy?" She grabbed a piece of the red glob and munched smiling and 'yuming' loudly.

Sister Giriko glared down at them. "I'm diabetic."

Yahiko yelled. "We don't care that you're on a diet! Just eat the stupid jello!"

She continued to glare at the boy. "I said 'diabetic', I have diabetus, if I eat sugar, I'll have a stroke and die."

Yahiko stared at her blinking for a while, Konan looked about to cry, Yahiko would have too at the thought of never being able to eat sugar again. But instead he yelled simply: "GODDAMIT!"

Sister Giriko gasped. "Lords name in vain! Lords name in vain! Detention! DETENTIOOOON!"

-Later

Yahiko and Konan had been held after school for an hour as a crew of angry nuns recited bible verses and splashed them with holy water. So now, they had missed the bus, and would have to wait for a ride back to their orphange... And yes, even the narrator sees the depression of this situation.

Yahiko and Konan, therefore, were now walking to the busstop. In the rain. Bitter and defeated.

"This is all your fault Yahiko!" Konan cried, trying to wring-dry her skirt while there was still rain falling on it.

"My fault? it was _your_ idea!"

"_You're_ the one that told me to come up with an idea!" She countered.

The two kept bickering like this, so they didn't notice anything as all until they got to the busstop sign, and Konan gasped.

"Nagato!" She yelled enthusiasticly, pointing at him a few inches from her. He stared at them, feeling rather depressed that they'd only just noticed him standing there.

"Hi, guys." 

"What are you still doing here?" Konan asked innocently.

"You tryed my other idea and got in trouble too didn't you!" Yahiko exclaimed.

Nagato blinked a few times. "No, I just told Roi I was gonna wait here for you guys."

Konan gleed, and began tearing up. Yahiko was starting to too, because Nagato had an umbrella. "Naggy I love you!" Konan glomped him, followed shortly after by Yahiko, in a simular fashion.

Konan hugged Nagato until he couldn't breath, while Yahiko tryed to reach around and grab hold of the umbrella. This continued for the next half hour, as the three friends sat and waited for transportation to come and take them someplace warm and dry.

"This cannot happen!" Yahiko declared determined. "We need to do something! we need to get a bigger group so that then we can accomplish ANYTHING!"

Konan looked at him curiously. "Who are we gonna find to join our group?"

Yahiko still had an arm in his air in declaration. A few moments of silence. "... I don't know!"

-**End Chapter**-

Do you have any fucking idea how long I've been playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas?

When you play as a single person for five days, you start to act like them. Muthafuckin' Ballas. Gotsta get their asses outta my HOOD!

Must... remember... to... wrIIIIIIIIIIIITE...hnnnmmmgghhhh... Muthafuckin' Balla pendejos...

If updates ever slow down again, I've likely started playing it again. But I have all the girlfriends, a list of cheats, I've completed all of the story missions, along with a maximum grade on pimping. XD

But as you would easily be able to tell, it's been MUCH MORE then five days since last update. I also started playing Sims 2, writting diffrent stories, listening to my music till my head hurts, oh, and I think I have Bronchitis... COUGH COUGH COUGH...

I might be able to put my hand-drawn pictures up on my deviant art though! I figured out how to take pictures with my laptops Webcam, that's what happens when you can barely breath and spend the whole day sitting on the couch, wheezing, sneezing, dying, and fucking with my computer. Weeee, now I just have to hold the picture steady, straight, and make sure the lighting is perfect. XD

...Can't... breath... Can only... type...

Oi. fuck diz shit, man. back to the muthafuckin' story.

I only just now remembered the first version of this I came up with roughly two years ago. In that one they didn't even know Nagato, and Yahiko and Konan ran into him when Yahiko dragged her out to skip class. And found him outside in the rain that way. Hmmmm~

I'm getting ideas! I can name the story arcs! But what do I name them? Hmmm, virtual cookies for all who give me ideas. We need one for toddler years, childhood years, pre-teen years, and teenage years. And the ones I'm comming up with suck Kong-Chan butt.

ZOOOOOOOMBIIIIIIEEEEZZZZZ~

...Oh, and, I had a dream that Itachi and Sasuke were having sex, and now I have an Uchihacest fetish... Weeeeee~


	6. Forest Things

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story.

So, you can send me ideas of things for baby-Akatsuki to do. I have a list of chapter topics, but I need many, cute, random, and rugrats-esque ideas to fill this up with!

STILL LOOKING FOR OC'S! Anyone! common! PLEASE! I have, like, two or three girls. Very nice- but I need more! and some of the male persuasion. I need dudes, dudes for baby Akatsuki to beat up. XD

And girls to get their hearts broken. Weeeee'z~~~~~

Hearthrob-katsuki!

Funfact: This chapter was originally entitled 'Happy Adventures in Fun Fun Land!'

Okay, so originally I had a Japan-thing up here, but that's long past by now. But still, Luvvles and prayers to Japan!...

The weird this is, this has been half-finished for a long time. I wasn't expecting an update until after a long conversation wif my Beta about what-the-fuck should happen next. But she got a cold, and had to catch up on her schoolwork- as such.

HI EMBEEEEEEEER!

But, yeah, the WEIRD thing is, I got the motivation to finish the chapter on my own after having a orgasm attack after reading an Uchihacest fic...

What?... WHAT?...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

I WATCHED SCHOOL RUMBLE! LETS TALK ABOUT SCHOOL RUMBLE! I WENT TO THE WIKI AND DUN' LIKE THAT HARIMA-ERI BECAME CANON! I WANTED HARIMA-TENMA!...

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

TURTLE! _TUUUUUUURTLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

-**Forest Things**-

It was a lovely Sunday at the Uzumaki Orphanage. Mito Senju was now currently rounding up all of the children to get ready for Sunday school.

After she dropped them off, she would return her friends son Tobi back to the orphanage. Since the Day Care was closed due to no one booking care for today.

Mito was a very thoughtful and understanding woman. She believed Madara Uchiha to be very talented and fully able to run the Day Care that had fallen into his hands very nicely. And unlike her husband, was sure that he would be able to do it without receiving any lawsuits.

All the children put on their uniforms, she stuck close to Yahiko and Nagato, to make sure the former didn't push the latter into the mud again. It was expected to rain in the part of the city that the Sunday School was in. But it was expected to stay mostly dry if not cold in the uptown area where she would be attending with her husband to the Headmasters Dinner, where she would present the Most Successful Award.

Meanwhile on another part of the city, it was expected to stay warm all day, the park was even holding a fireworks show tonight.

All the children got onto the bus happily and orderly. Mito turned around to take Tobi. "Are you ready Tobi?"

The boy nodded. Once he was old enough to lift his head, he had drawn on a piece of lined paper a orange swirl pattern, and wore it as a mask ever since. Mito wondered if he hadn't learned how to talk yet or just didn't want to, she'd never gotten to ask his Mother. But she wasn't concerned since she herself didn't start talking until she was five.

She carried the boy on her hip onto the bus and set him on the window seat in the front, before addressing all the children in the bus. "Everyone, I want you to make sure to behave today, you know the rules, listen to the ladies at the school and don't fight." Many of the children 'yes'd in union. Mito sat down on her seat next to Tobi and gave the bus driver Roi the cue to go.

It was a blissfully quiet ride to the school. All the children conversed sweetly in the back, and on Mito's left, Tobi sat on his knees watching out the window humming to himself and playing with a toy car. They quickly got to the school and Mito asked Tobi to stay right there as she went to open the door for the kids.

She was gone for just a few minutes, and as she was gone she mused to herself how peaceful everything was, and how she was hoping she wouldn't have to run around like a chicken with her head cut off any time soon.

When she arrived back at the bus, Tobi was in his exact position he was before, still humming and playing with his toy car.

She sat back in her seat. "Alright Roi, you can drop us back off at the Orphanage."

"Yes Ma'am." He nodded. And started the bus off to turn around.

Mito put her hand out incase Tobi might fall forward. "Tobi honey, you get to play in the house with the girls all to yourself, okay?"

Tobi nodded at her. Then went back to look out the window. Mito noted that he stopped driveing the toy car up and down the window, and wasn't humming anymore as they passed the woods that surrounded a good chunk of the city. Mito thought nothing of it.

The were quickly back at the Orphanage. Mito lifted Tobi again and thanked Roi. She stepped off the bus and went inside. She greeted the workers who were all sitting around lounging. She set Tobi with them in the living room and went upstairs to her supervising room where she'd left her dress she'd attend the dinner in.

She had some paper work to do and a while of time to kill, so she scanned through it all and started to seperate everything from 'Unimportant' 'Important' and 'Too long to look at at the moment'

After a while she found it was a good time to get dressed, she looked out her door to listen for any chaotic noises, nothing, so she continued on. And got dressed.

Her dress was a long dark gown with a slit up the side and feathery flower attached to the single long sleeve. She fixed her hair to be farther up and put some glittering pins in. She checked her makeup- the tabloids liked to call her out for wearing too much or too little. And grabbed her compact purse, made sure her wallet, extra makeup cellphone and tissues were inside. And went back down the stairs.

"Are the others ready?" She asked when she returned to the living room. One of the girls pulled Orochimaru out from behind a curtain. And then, after some searching, pulled Anko from out of the piano. The two would attend with her to the Dinner Party since Orochimaru was so horribly timid and the Sunday School was absolutely refusing to take Anko. "Is Tsunade around?" She asked another girl taking Orochimaru's hand.

"She's in the kitchen playing hide and seek with Jiraiya." Mito nodded, taking a few steps towards the kitchen door.

"I'm going dear!"

Tsunade fumbled around and poked her head out the door. "Bye Mommy!" She then dissapeared back inside and screaming from Jiraiya was soon heard.

Mito then lifted Anko out of another workers arms and bent down to kiss the top of Tobi's head. "I'll be back before you fall asleep."

Mito led the other two outside of the large house. She took her keys and got into her Midnight blue Alpha sports car, She made sure Orochimaru was buckled in front. Her car was a specially made import and she had gotten back seats installed, so she buckled fussing little Anko into a car seat before getting into her own. And she then went off onto the road to drive the few long hours to the Dinner Party. With the radio gently playing classic rock and Anko making inaudible screeching noises in the back.

After a while, they were finally there. She parked her car in the far corner of the lot and carefully turned around to take Anko out again. She cleaned up some of her wrinkles on her dress and held her on her hip as she waited for Orochimaru to get himself out.

She walked the two quietly to the back door and Orochimaru opened it for her. And finally they were inside the warm backstage of the building.

"There you are Mito." Hashirama was about to give her a kiss but Anko began growling at him. "And you too Anko..."

"I'll put her in the childrens corner." She mused. "Anko, now, I need you to stay on the carpet I put you on. Because otherwise, your magical shoes will turn everyone into dragons, and they'll eat all the candy in the world."

Anko made a high pitched scream and lifted herself farther up onto Mito's shoulder. Showing she understood. Mito took her over to the doorway which momentarily left Hashirama with Orochimaru.

Hashirama was fine with this until Orochimaru started tugging on his pants leg. "Is that really gonna happen!"

Meanwhile, Mito set Anko down in the kids corner, and she successfully didn't seem to go anywhere.

She greeted the Uchiha's as they put their son Itachi in the same area. Madara was arriving also, so she made sure to retreat back into the back stage before he saw her and did something that would throw Hashirama off his mojo.

Mito happily rejoined her husband and then assured Orochimaru that Anko's magic shoes would only make chibi dragons. That would be just his size, and be very very nice. Like little puppies.

Mito was just about to go with her husband to greet all the people who were arriving, when her phone rang, she opened her purse and read the number, it was the Orphanage so she answered quickly.

"Yes?"

"_WE CAN'T FIND TOBI!_"

-Meanwhile

So anyway, Tobi was happily jumping around outside, after successfully using his Hodini powers to get away from the pesky worker ladies.

On the way to the Orphanage, Tobi had looked out the window, and noticed all the pretty trees, and he liked the color green, almost as much as the colors orange and yellow, so he wanted to play with the green colors.

So he was now going deeper and deeper into the woods. This was much like when he's slipped out of the blankets Mr. Annoying Hashi-Chan put him in when on the way to Daddy's Day Care. Because the car wasn't moving fast enough. And Tobi wanted to go through the back door anyway. Tobi likes back doors.

Tobi hopped and giggled happily in all the green colors. Then he got to a river, and rivers are blue. Tobi likes blue too! His favorites go Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, and Red. But only sometimes red. So he jumped into the river.

He splashed around happily for a while but then he jumped on a deep spot and slipped. He slided down and started getting washed down the water.

Tobi found this really really fun, so he giggled more.

At the end of the river was a waterfall, it was only a foot tall, but so was Tobi. Just as Tobi was about to be washed over it, something tugged his jacket. And he was dragged out of mid air and back onto solid ground. Tobi clapped and this miraculous feat.

When he turned around, it had been his new friend that helped him. The little black and white chibi creature with the flytraps around his head. Yay!

Tobi stood up, brushed mud off himself and held his hand out. The little creature held his black arm out, and they shook hands.

Tobi pointed to the woods continueing on. And the creature nodded. But before the set off. The creature took his white finger and wrote in the dirt:

_Hello readers! my name is Zetsu._

Tobi waved up at the sky and so did Zetsu. And then they went off into the woods.

-Meanwhile

Mito was running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

Hashirama was very worried, and way, way off his mojo. "Honey? what's wrong?"

Mito stopped, now in determined caretaker mode. She took her dress, ripped it around at the top of the slit. So now it was a mini dress. "I'll be back later. Tell Mikoto Uchiha to give the award."

She then ran out the door and to her car. Leaveing Hashirama very distressed.

Orochimaru, sadly, chose this moment to tug on his pant leg again. "Sir? what do I do?"

Hashirama was blanching at his own predicament by now. So, "Go stand by that door and make sure no one else comes in."

Orochimaru didn't like the idea of doing anything that might include interacting with people. So he started slowly, very, very slowly, to walk backwards and towards the door.

He got there eventually, and turned around. Then he looked up.

Madara looked down at him. "Hey pre-vert. Canni come in to bug Hash?"

Orochimaru made a high squeeking noise and hid behind the door. Madara shrugged, and went on it.

A few minutes later, more humans to poke at Orochimaru's invisable bubble. "Hi Orochimaru!"

-Back in the Woods

Zetsu and Tobi were having oodles of fun. It was late afternoon by now and they had already traveled a large portion of the woods.

Tobi and Zetsu were now in a small clearing, Zetsu clapped his hands. And then, a gathering lightly colored and very tiny figures came out. They danced around Tobi and in a burst of sparkles, his clothes were clean and dry again.

Zetsu nodded to the little figures and they flew back up into the trees. Tobi hopped and clapped and gleed.

They continued on through the woods. Eventually the came across a gathering of deer. Zetsu went over to them and the deer all bowed. Tobi the came gently up behind and curtised to them. Zetsu took a handfull of grass out of the ground and gave it to Tobi. Tobi then trodded up to the deer and started to feed them all out of his hands. Giggling at the tickly tongues.

Zetsu bobbed up and down in the ground before going under. Tobi wiped his hands free of deer spit and looked down in the hole. Eventually, Zetsu returned with a mouth full of flowers, he spat them out onto the ground and the deer eagerly devoured them.

Zetsu and Tobi then moved on. The latter skipping happily while the other dug through the dirt. They traveled onward through the trees.

Kicking rocks and poking at the trees to see if they'd laugh, they eventually encounter a big cave. Tobi hops into it, and waves to the inhabiting bear. Mr. Bear waved back, but moved his food closer to him.

Zetsu came over and made growly noises. Mr. Bear rolled his eyes and tossed an apple that was in his stack of meat. Zetsu cleaned it and then broke it in half and handed one part to Tobi.

The two then went over to and area outside to cave and sat down to have their lunch. Zetsu threw his in the air and his flytrap chomped it up. And Tobi held his half under his mask and ate it a timely manner.

Making lots of nomming noises and then some yums. The two friends got back up, waved goodbye to Mr. Bear, and continued on into the woods.

-Meanwhile

Meanwhile, Mito was swerving through traffic, yelling at numerous nurses, police, and asylum supervisors she had on her phones speed-dial.

-Back in the Woods

Back in the Woods, Tobi and Zetsu were still moving on and giggling at pretty much nothing.

As they went on, they heard some birds singing overhead. Tobi clapped happily and jumped up on a rock. And starting making the appropriate Mistro hand motions. Zetsu giggled.

The birds found this funny too. As they then started singing louder and moving in pitch to Tobi's random hand motions.

Tobi continued to go through a bobbed version of several Mozart classics happily. And eventually, Tobi stopped and cocked his head, he couldn't remember any more.

The birds flew away and Tobi and Zetsu continued on through the woods.

As Tobi skipped along happily, Zetsu got a sudden idea. He tapped on the ground and leaves started to fly around in the air. Tobi clapped giddily as they were surrounded and lifted up through the trees.

They went high high high, and eventually they rested ontop a mountain that had previously been miles away. Tobi nodded his head, thanking Zetsu for bringing them up here and the looked down below.

Zetsu dug behind his back and pulled out a fishing pole. He showed it to Tobi who giddily took it and inspected it. On the end there was a sparkling pink orb on the end as bait. Tobi cocked his head in curiosity and then cast the line as it went down, down, down to the bottom on the mountain and into a river.

Tobi positioned himself, he watched 'River Monsters' when Mommy wasn't looking. So he knew all the specialties of fishing. Because Tobi knew many things...

Many things...

And within seconds, he felt the vibration and tug of a bite. He reeled it up quickly, and a rainbow-colored, pink fish bigger then him was brought up.

Zetsu conjured up more magical elements, and the fish was transformed into its regular form, a beautiful, pink-haired mermaid with a rainbow-scaled tail. Tobi clapped once again.

Zetsu picked one of the scales on the ground, and handed it to Tobi. Tobi looked at it and Zetsu pointed to the merwoman. Tobi handed it to her, she smiled brightly and nodded to him. Weaving it into her hair, she held up a finger, showing him that she could now give him one wish.

Tobi thought for a few moments, and then clapped in glee at his idea. He asked that this story have a happy ending. The mermaid smiled again, and waved her hands up. A rainbow light went up into the sky, it went through millions of demensions, sought the approval of Mr. God, and when he agreed, it went onward, to another demension, it fell through into the mind of a girl, sitting on her couch, typing away. The girl in the other demension exclaimed in glee and continued to type away on her computer.

Back in the stories demension. Tobi grinned behind his little mask. Happy that this story would now end with nothing more then a clichely and horribley awesome, sweet, and conveinant ending.

Tobi nodded to Zetsu that they could move on now. The mermaid bid them goodbye and dived down off the mountain and back into her river.

Zetsu gestured around, asking Tobi what he wanted to do next. The sun was almost ready to set, so Tobi gestured around his reply.

Zetsu tapped the ground again and they went back up into the air.

The two floated onward and far. They went over the city, passing Town Hall, the Park, and a Church, before landing ontop of a building. Oh the fun you can have when you don't have to go to School!

They watched as the sun got lower and lower, in the distance, many people were walking home, and the Park started shooting off fireworks. Tobi clapped happily as Zetsu wobbled and weaved atop the stone building.

The fireworks hit a grand finale and then the night was dark again. The only section of town still alight was far off to their right.

Zetsu bobbed and wiggled at Tobi, who nodded. It was time to bid goodbye now. Tobi stood as Zetsu tapped the ground and they flew back up into the air. They waved happily to eachother, and Zetsu sent them off in diffrent directions.

Tobi twirled in the air, bobbing have giggling, he was heading toward the section of town still seeing a sunset. He clapped his hands, once again, thinking about his wonderful day, and thinking how he couldn't wait to see his friend again.

He was arriving to a large lot, full of gray was glided down, he touched his toes to the ground and was offically done with his days adventure.

-Meanwhile

Madara Uchiha had just left the dinner party he had went to out of pure boredom. One day full of little kids running around- and the next day not a single one comes in! this was fucked up!

Madara walked down the block, thinking to himself. He didn't feel like going home, going to the daycare, or even bugging Hashirama. Which meant he was really, really, really... Not himself...

Looking up, he found himself on a familiar street. All the streets were familiar, he'd grown up and lived here all his life. But this street was particularly familiar, him and his brother had spent many event here, and he himself had even dragged him and their raggle-tag of friend here randomly to cause havoc many, many years ago.

It was the towns cementary, he could still see a few of the tombstones he had knocked over because the names were funny.

His parents were buried there, and now, his brother was too. He'd buried him here personally just a few days ago. Right before he just _had_ to go to to Hashirama's and listen to his _stupid_ will, which left him a Daycare he was now doomed to tend to for who knows how long.

Madara sighed, feeling melodrama comming on. He opened the gate, squeezed through like he had so many times before, and started up the matted hill. "Stupid fucking story of my life."

His wise-assed little brother had requested he be buried at the very top of the cemetaries hill, not really anywhere near their families graves. Just at the top, where no one else desired to be, considering the uneven hillside. But the one thing Izuna apparently _didn't_ care about was the gravediggers back.

Madara stood infront of the marker, still shining, clean, fresh and dripping with his mourners angst. The setting sun making everything '_Just, so, fucking, depressing.'_ The Uchiha noted.

"Fucking always bothering me with this stupid shit." He mumbled, fully aware that somewhere, Izuna was most certainly listening, and probably giving him his 'Ruining your life is my favorite hobby' grin. "You just wanted to root me in this town again, flickin' fucktard." He cussed and continued to rant to the grave because he felt like it.

He heard the sound of leaves crunching behind him. Turning, expecting either the other fucktard Hashirama or very well his brothers ghost. He saw nothing, and suspected the latter, but then he blinked and looked down.

Tobi cocked his head and looked up at his Daddy through his little eye-hole. Madara blinked and widened his eyes alittle. "I'll be damned. How'd you get there?"

Tobi raised his arms and made grabby hands. Madara chuckled and rolled his eyes before lifting the boy up.

"Why the hell do you wear that thing?" He said, fingering the side of the paper mask. Tobi shook his head to get it away from his hand. Madara just grinned again. "I got an idea."

He dug into his pocket for a little baggy he'd stashed while at the party. He pulled a chocolate chip cookie and held it infront of his face.

"Take the mask off."

Tobi happily yanked off the paper mask, and opened his mouth wide. His eyes were bright red like his fathers and his skin pure white.

His son chomped the cookie out of his hand and happily gobbled it. Madara waited a moment. "Holy shit you look exactly like Izuna."

He tryed to search the face for anything anti-Izuna, thinner lips and paler skin. But everything else was spitting-image.

"Hashi-shit's gotta be lying." Tobi continued lapping his lips of chocolatey remains as Madara felt slightly weirded. He looked back at his brothers grave, imagining his brother, laughing at his distress. "Man this shit is cliche."

Screeching tires erased the image of his brother from his mind. He looked down at the road. Mito's car swerved into a parking place and he saw the red-head jump out of the car heatedly.

"Wanna go help Daddy hit on Hashi's lady?" Madara asked his son.

Tobi nodded.

He pulled the mask back on as Madara chuckled again "Thatta' boy."

-**End Chapter**-

Next chapter is planned, after that, order become random.

If you have adventure ideas, send em! SEND EM! I know you don't want another two-month delay! And I need AT LEAST ten chapters per age catagory.

Diapers, School, Puberty, ANGST. All things Akatsuki will face in this story! XD

AND OC'S. DAMMIT SEND ME MUTHERFUCKING OC'S! I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!

... I might put up the title of that Uchihacest fic that somehow got me to finish this chapter. Just cause it's to thank for getting me out of my writters-block hole, and I just plain like commercializing other fics.

CONVERSATION HEARTS IS RE-WRITTING HER STORY 'CROCADILE FARM'! WHICH IS THE STORY THE INSPIRED MY PREVIOUS STORY 'SOS: SAVE OUR SOULS'! THE RE-WRITE IS ENTITLED 'DO YOUR WORST AND YOUR BEST'! GO READ! BECAUSE I LOVE HER!

**_Post-Script-Update: Ironicly, I managed to post this one day before the previous chapters document went stale, and when that happens, I'm offically late, so in a way- I hit the deadline right on target! 8D_**


	7. Formation AKATSUKI

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything in here~ Okay? YAY!

PS: The Uchihacest fic was 'The Prodigy's Apprentice'. by ItachiSasukeSama- Scratch that, the title was changed to 'An Ototou's Happiness' because she got so off track with the Uchi-porn the plot somehow changed. 8D Seriously. The only problem I have is that Saso and Dei are too stubborn to admit that they love eachother, and the day Deidara calls Itachi Ita-Chan in anything but a mocking, sadistic manner, is the day the world explodes. (Laughes hystaricly) PFFFFT. Sasori's little blonde fuck bunny. (Dies)

Also, the inspiration to write this chapter out finally came from a little poem about never forgetting your childhood dreams. 8D

I'm gonna be a writter, voice actor, librarian video game developer! 8D Or at least writer, that ones' budget-controlable. Just sit on your ass all day, beating writers block away with a stick. I can do that. 8D And then I spend the royalties making my own video games. 8D And voicing them? All with a part-time job at the library. Hey, I can do it all! 8D I AM AWESOME!

... 8D Yeah, that's what got me to write more in it- but then I stopped again and while writing a diffrent story I thought- HEY! YOU KNOW WHUT I COULD BE DOING!

8D... THIS ISH FUN.

This is the last planned chapter, after that, everything becomes random. Until the last chapters, which hopefully won't get stalled- you know what, I need ta' write them while I write these chapters, then they'll be ready. Yeah. I need ta' do that. Hnnnnn~

So it is finally no longer SUNDAY! Finally the wittle Chibi Akatsuki have made it to Monday. Awesomeness.

Cutsy wittle Chibi Akatsuki. So cutsy wittle and babish and adorable and ZOMFG AKATSKEH!

8D... Baby Akatsuki... Baby-baby-BABEH!

GIMME LOTS OF IDEAS FOR THINGS BABY AKATSUKI CAN DO! YAY!

**PPS**_:_ I gotted in a car wreck, 8D twas' awesome. Originally this was in bold italics but it was so long ago I dun' give a shit now.

**PPPS:** And now the fucking cat died. Poor Beastie, hng, well, I already have him in here .

**PPPPS:** We got another cat, Scamperz! I call him Sasuke cuz he's stupid and tiny and cute and an asshole.

**PPPPPS:** 17,365 WORDS! I AM LEGEND-WAIT FOR IT... DARY! MUTHAFUCKAS!

-**Formation AKATSUKI**-

Madara Uchiha yawned loudly, arching his back to stretch. He walked silently through the giant, white marble halls of his giant mansion left to him by dearly departed Mommy and Daddy.

Last night, after returning his son and coming home, he had found numerous phone messages. About 35 children were scheduled to come to the Daycare today. And he had to set his clock to make sure he was there by six, since he didn't feel like cleaning anything in the entire free day he had somehow amazingly obtained.

He made it through the maze of halls, down the steps and to the large kitchen, he poured cereal- yummy yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs, and upon seeing this very depressing set-up, decided he also needed a newspaper.

He walked through the dining room, sitting room and through a secret passage way for the shortcut to his front door. Upon arriving, he opened it-

"Good morning."

"AHHHHH!" Madara Uchiha somehow jumped backwards, flying back a ways, and landed on his back. Hashirama Senju, his dear, dear friend. Looked down at him.

"Sleep good, Madara?"

"What the fuck are you doing here!" He yelled at his dear, dear friend.

"Just making sure you're awake, you've got a busy day today." He handed the Uchiha caretaker his newspaper, and another paper. It had a list of all the children to come to the Daycare today, in the order they would arrive.

Hashirama was clearly proud of his accomplishment, and since deep, deep down, Madara Uchiha is a relatively good guy, he decided not to mock on how he had already memorized all this simple crap before going to bed at a reasonable hour last night.

Yet.

Because Hashirama Senju was his dear, dear friend.

And he had a hot wife.

Madara got up on his feet, and followed his dear, dear friend through the mansion. Hashirama knew the layout of the infamous Uchiha mansion as much as if not more then the Uchiha that lived there, and still remembered all the rooms. Along with the fact that it was slightly larger then his mansion. A Mayors mansion, which in his mind just wasn't fair.

But he didn't say this, because Madara is a dear, dear friend of his, and he didn't like stooping to his level.

In any case, Madara and Hashirama both ended up back in the kitchen, where Hashirama circled the room while Madara sat and ate his yummy yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs. The yummiest cereal in the world, as the Akimichi family logo read on every box.

And Madara agreed, yummy, yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs. The Big-Big-Mintio-burgs were good too, but needed more concentration when eating.

"Madara?"

Madara was snapped out of his dreaming of the delicious cereal by stupid Hashi-Chan. "What?"

"You're all ready right? I can give you a ride today, a bus circles around and can drop you back off on this street at the end of the day."

Madara mumbled through munching the cereal. "You sure do put alot of energy to this when it isn't your problem."

"Well, I want to make sure you can learn everything early on." Hashi rationally explained.

Madara rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, I already got through _one _day."

"Not every day will be the same."

"I beg to differ."

As Madara slobbered his cereal, Hashirama rolled his eyes and took a seat. "Madara, I'm actually kind of worried about you. You might need a therapist, what with all the job stress, military trauma and family problems you have."

Madara looked up, at his dear, dear friend. "What the fuck gave you _that _idea?"

-Uchiha Household- A diffrent one

In a diffrent Uchiha home, miles away and much smaller, there was the Uchiha branch known as 'Fugaku's Household'

Fugaku Uchiha was the honored, award-winning, ingenius Chief of Police. He had received countless honors and medals and other things to describe how talented he is. And he still left his office to man the roads sometimes when he just plain didn't trust the rookies. (And in Fugaku's mind, if you were any younger then him, you were a rookie, but if you were older, it was time for retirement.)

When you're pulled over by Fugaku Uchiha, expect to be charged for everything. Be it too much junk obstructing the backseat, lack of seatbelt, improper hand placement on wheels, cell phone usage, dead body in trunk, the works.

As for the lovely local starlet Mikoto Uchiha, she was known by every housewive on the block as the ideal woman. She was president of the garden club, wife to a supporting, successful husband, and she also had a adorable, polite little son.

Which brings us to Itachi Uchiha. The young Uchiha heir, and next in line to be Uchihawesome.

Because Mikoto likes wordplay and Fugaku has high expectations-slash-was a nazi.

Which came to the reason of why they were working on another child. In the case that for any reason, their current one might decide to turn against them.

But why would that happen?

Mikoto lovingly lifted her sons covors and nudged him awake, "Itachi dear, time to wake up."

The little weasel-boy blinked his eyes and tiredly lifted himself up. Emitting a heartwrenchingly cute yawn as he did so.

"Itachi, did you put your toys away last night?"

"Mostly." Itachi-chibi cooed. Both people looked over at the toybox, stuffed animals hanging out by their necks onto the closed lid.

Mikoto shuffled over and flipped the poor little bodies completely in, then making a shushing noise to Itachi. Last time his clean-up job was mildly imperfect, he hand-washed the dishes for a week. And they had a two ultra-strength dishwashers.

But today was allowed to be an exception, at least for Mikoto, because they were up late last night, and out of relief of finally getting out of the Dinner party without having to talk to Minato Namikaze, Fugaku Uchiha had been in a relatively joyous mood, enough so at least to be a calm human being and tussle with his only son for a little while before passing out.

Itachi rolled out of his bed and Mikoto took his hand to walk with him down the stairs. Fugaku was downing his complete pot of coffee for the morning.

Today Fugaku had scheduled himself to re-edit everyones paperwork, man the busiest roads, and argue on the phone with the buisness board for more special police training because the newbies just wern't enough like _him._

Mikoto had set herself up to announce a few new types of hybrid seeds she'd found to the other local housewives. Now they would no longer have to decide weither to get Lilies or Roses for loved ones, Lises would be for every occation!

So due to this wittle babeh Itachi was set up to go to uncle Maddie's Daycare center. Which big ole' Daddy Fuga wasn't so happy about.

"It is hardly at all legal for that man to handle with children." He grumbled, once again, gulping cup number four.

"Well if he's really that unfit it'll close down." Mikoto chimed. "But then there won't be a daycare, so where will the children go?"

He huffed. "They can stay home and play baseball in their backyards! That's what they used to do."

Mikoto blinked softly, and looked to her son, chomping down his breakfast so, so innocently. And returned to her husband. "Honey, Itachi's four."

"When I was four I was working on my fathers cars and head of the pee-wee football team!" He declared, grumpily downing the rest of his coffee, and pouring cup number five.

Regardless of her husbands insanity, Mikoto sighed and picked up her and his plates. Itachi continued nibbling on his omlette.

Itachi, unknowing to his parents, was actually listening very intently. And he knew that he was not going to be fixing cars, and certainly not play football. Baseball maybe, but he wanted to be a teacher when he grew up.

Be a teacher and teach children _not_ to act like his father.

-Hoshigaki Apartment

Etsuko Hoshigaki was once pulled over by Fugaku Uchiha, for being guilty of all of the previously mentioned things he pulls people over for. Including the dead body. She'd been asked to bury her sisters cat that day.

Etsuko had gone to two years of college to be a proffesional secretary, for this was her dream. In this whole time she never figured out she would have to become technologically able. So her only hope after getting knocked up with her darlingest son was to be a secretary to someone who just doesn't care about life. So she worked at a paper company.

Etsuko Hoshigaki _hated paper._ She hated it and everything they ever were meant for. She didn't learn to read properly until she was fifteen, she got a papercut every flipping time she touched a piece of the white squares, and she even hated the paper her birth certificate was written on! She wasn't old enough yet to lie about her age- but she was expecting she would someday.

Etsuko lived in a tiny, tiny one-bedroom apartment. She had converted a large closet to be her sons room. What? It's a REALLY big closet! Seriously- walk in, like- like in that one episode of The Nanny where Fran thinks Miles is a serial killer. Or was Miles the father?

Etsuko doesn't remember.

She always had the TV on Nickoloden. Which since her and her son were gone all day and Etsuko slept all night, meant little baby Kisame was very savvy on The Fresh Prince, Full House, Cosby show and the one that's on really really late about some nerds.

...As you can imagine, this means both mother and son have a tendancy to sleep _very, very late._

The alarm had been buzzing for about an hour now, high-pitched like a stove buzzer. On a tiny, old-fashioned digital clock Etsuko had needed her son to read the directions to her for learning how to set correctly.

Finally, a screeching cat outside was what startled wittle baby Kisame awake. Well- not really baby- He was six after all. But he still drank out of a bottle whenever he had a bad dream.

Kisame was old enough- however- to know the importance of puncuation. He rolled out of his closet/room, troddled over to his mother and poked her limp, deeply unconcious corpse/sleeping form. "Mommy, wake up~"

"Hnng, honey the alarm hasn't gone off yet... What's that noise baby?" She looked up wearily, and upon seeing her clock vibrating with noise, screeched and fell out of bed. "Kisa! Kisa honey get your clothes an-an-an-and your pants! Find Mommy's pretty long skirt and a clean shirt for her alright?" She fumbled and wrestled out of her entwined covors and started crawling towards the shower.

Kisame thought to himself- Mommy's pretty long skirt- fancy clothes drawer.

Check, remove, set nicely on the bed with no wrinkles.

Clean shirt- Mommy liked wearing frilly shirts to work, he could recall- Top drawer.

Kisame grabbed a chair, dragged it to the drawers, got on top to reach the shirts drawer, and threw a white, frilly pirates-top onto the bed. Check.

Kisame figured Mommy'd like her working shoes with her clothes too, so he brought them to the side of the bed, partly-way under the bed so she could see them but didn't trip over them like last time.

His own clothes, when he asked his Mommy why he had to wear fancy clothes to his first day of Daycare, she said he wouldn't have to wear then any of the other days. So he found his favorite green, slightly stained shirt, and a pair of shorts incase it got hot. He'd already kicked his sneakers off next to his bed, so he threw the other clothes there.

Mommy was hurridly shampooing her hair, using the extra suds for soap, and was nervously humming while getting it all off.

Kisame remembered that this usually took a while because of the last time when Mommy didn't rinse good enough and her hair got funny and smelly like burnt plastic. So Kisa found he had time for a small bowl of cereal.

He scampered in, grabbed his Freddy Fish bowl and Pajama Sam spoon. Poured in the Mini-Mintio Burgs, put in much too much milk and set his bowl on the counter.

A lightning bulb moment- he went over and pressed the coffee maker button for Mommy, he'd noticed she'd forgotten to set it yet again last night.

He went over and ate his cereal. Crunch crunch, slirp, crunch crunch, slirp- When he'd decided no more Minty-burgs were in the bowl, he jumped off the chair and went to change.

As he changed, the shower turned off and Mommy was jumping for towels and slipping around everywhere. Kisame remembered something else- He reached into the dressers bottom drawer and threw bra and panties onto Mommy's clothes pile.

She then fumbled out of the bathroom, wrestled previously stated clothes on, wraped her hair in a towel and wrestled her clothes on. Then slipping into her shoes.

By now, Kisame himself was done, and he was checking his bookbag. Yup, yup, yup, yuppers, he was ready.

Etsuko ran into the bathroom again to apply makeup while Kisame dragged his heavy bag to the door. The empty bag on the doorhandle reminded Kisame he should fill it with any toys and other items he wanted to bring to the Daycare today.

He went over to his corner of the living room that had a pile of toys in it. He took some action figures and any other toys he knew the Daycare didn't hold.

He put them into his bag, just as Etsuko made it out of the bathroom. "Okay baby! time to go- are you all ready?" She took the coffee in the coffee pot and drank it out of the pourer.

"Yes Mommy."

"Okay!" She finished and grabbed her suitcase and then her sons shoulder, and pulled both out the door. She trotted over to the elevator and kicked the down arrow.

"Mommy, you forgot to lock the door." Kisame commented.

"Dangit!" She put all her things down and ran over- before realizing she'd also forgotten her keys inside- so she went in, and started tearing things apart, looking for her keys.

The elevator door opened and a little old lady in a ridculously large sunhat came in. "Hello Miss Sesami!" Kisame greeted.

"Oh, hello Kisame dear." The old lady was half-blind, so she was one of the few people who conversated with and didn't scream in fear at Kisame. She slowly creeked out of the elavator. Kisame held the door open, waiting for Mommy.

"FOUND IT!" Mommy Etsuko then skidded out the door, locked it, and ran into the elevator with her son. "Okay we're ready!" She said happily as she started pounding the close door button.

The doors began to close. "Mommy your briefcase."

"Oh!" She snatched between the doors and grabbed it before they shut.

So, Etsuko Hoshigaki was happily beaming with pride the whole ride down the elevator. When it hit the bottom floor, she rushed out and to the outside. Before realizing something.

She'd left her car at the Town Hall last night. After realizing her license was still suspended.

She looked around distressingly. She spotted the bus down the street, leaving.

"Wait-wait-wait WAAAIT!"

-Itakura House

Tetsuya Itakura was another wealthy buisness man of the town. He was a manager at Konoha National Bank. And other dignified information can go here.

His wife Sun-Cho had been a happy, giddy little housewive. Before her death, a few months ago of cancer.

This meant that their house, a four bedroom mini-manor, was now deathly quiet compaired to it's status not even a year ago.

Their son, Kakuzu, now had to go to Daycare everyday after school. They had a maid- but... Tetsuya didn't trust her a whole bunch...

"Mistor Tatsugi, me need more Lemon Pledge."

"I gave you money for that yesterday, Consuelako."

"No, no, you, you buy it for me."

"I don't have the time for that. Consuelako. Buy it yourself."

"No, no, you, you buy it for me."

"No, Consuelako."

"Lemon Pledge."

Tetsuya twitched, vividly. He was distracted from his anger when noticing out of the corner of his eye- "Kakuzu. What did I tell you?"

Kakuzu set his fathers coffee back down, returning his hands to his lap.

"Do you want to stay short forever?" Tetsuya lectured his son.

Kakuzu merely blinked. "Father, it's scientificly impossible for coffee to have any effect on a childs height. That is an old wives tale."

"But it will give you caffine, which is an addictive substance, do you want to be an addict, Kakuzu?"

"If you don't believe in being a caffine addict, you would not drink it yourself. So you would need to either stop drinking coffee, or allow me to drink it." Kakuzu countered.

His father was a banker, not a lawyer. "How about the 'Do as I say not as I do' line?"

"Pigwash. That's possibley the most disgusting and ridiculous phrase man has ever come up with." Kakuzu continued.

"I need more Lemon Pledge."

"Not now!" Tetsuya went on. "How about you just listen to me and drink all you want when you're eighteen?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "That sets off the problem, not the source. There's nothing wrong with me drinking coffee. If it's so dangerous- tell me, would you ground me if you found a baggy of coffee grounds under my bed?"

Tetsuya shut his eyes tightly. Kakuzu had inherited his own intelligence joined with his mothers stubborn persistance. "How about you have one sip every morning. Alright?"

"If I'm allowed to have one sip why not one cup?"

Tetsuya put down his paper, staring intently at his son. "Kakuzu, you are _not_ drinking the coffee _at all_ then."

Kakuzu blinked, softly. All logical comebacks decreasing. He fluttered his eyes innocently. "Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Am I good enough that I'll go to Heaven with Mommy?"

Tetsuya stared at the paper on the table. Mind blank. Facial muscles imploded. He moved the coffee cup to his son.

Kakuzu took the cup and jugged it down, with long, verging on comical glugging sounds.

"Mistor Tatbuga. I need more Lemon Pledge."

"My name is TETSUYA."

"Mistor Titsuka."

"AGH!" Titsuka got up and walked out, setting off to find something, _anything,_ else to do.

Consuelako went to Kakuzu. "Little Titsuka, I need more Lemon Pledge."

Kakuzu finished the whole cup and stared at the woman. "...Do you have green papers?"

"No, no, I no need to talk to you. You no cop. I want lawyer."

"I thought so."

"I need more Lemon Pledge."

-The Ai Household

"GAAAAAAAAAAH!" Wittle Hidan-loo-hoo yelled. "LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T WANNA WAKE UP!"

His mother held him still, onto his bed. "Hidan honey you need to get ready for Daycare- Okay? Hon- honey- hon- honey how'd you- wait- Honey is that icecream in your bed!"

"You said I could have icecream!"

"And I gave it to you! but where did this come from!"

"I ate more."

"Hidan!"

Wittle Hidan rubbed his eyes, and squirmed out of his mothers grasp. "I wanna sleep! you keep saying sleep is good for you! Let me sleep!"

Hidan tried to crawl back under his covors, but his mother snatched up the chocolate-ridden blankets before he dirtied himself anymore.

"Hey!"

"These need to be washed- look at you! Hidan lets go give you a bath!"

Hidan didn't give his mother the time to take a breath, before he opened his mouth and started screaming.

Predicting his next action, his mother dropped all her things and lunged for him. But he shot out and dashed away around her and out of his room.

Hearing this, his father jumped out of the master bedroom and tried to chase after him, but he was downstairs much too soon. "Mikono! he's coming for you!"

Now, a pause for the Ai households backstory, as the name suggests, the Ai's are a very loving family. It's large, it's happy, and it's close-nit. Happy happy, fun fun.

In this particular one, it held Jin, who- bless his soul- was married into the family. And his wife, Kamiko. A pure-blooded Ai.

Mikino, Kamiko's twin sister- well- triplet sister, it was Mikino, Nana and Kamiko. But Mikono- the doll, deserted her man-whore fiancee and now had to live in her sisters guestroom. With her little daughter Chi-Chi. Goo-Goo, gush-gush.

The house was a tiny three-bedroomer, with one bathroom... A bathroom Hidan was currently determined on avoiding. So- back to the chase-

"Gotcha!" Hidan went between Mikino's legs. "Don't gotcha!"

"!" Hidan ran in circles in the living room.

Wittle Chi-Chi, whose motor skills wern't fully developed yet- made a grab for cousin Hidy-kuu, and ended up pulling his pants off.

Chi-Chi giggled, and Hidan didn't seem to notice, but his parents found they had to go with plan ABH2.

His father made a grab for him as he passed, effectively pulling off his shirt. Aunty Mikino grabbed his undies and yanked them away. Nakey little Hidan continued screaming and running around.

Momma Kamiko went to the door as Jin went out the kitchen window. After a few moments, Kamiko opened the front door. After a few more laps, Hidan ran out the door.

"!" Hidan ran around the yard before his father sprayed him with the gardenhose. "DAMMIT! AAAAHHHH!"

Hidan writhed on the ground. His father stopped spraying long enough to set him on a rock and properly hose him down.

"Gaaah! you're evil!" He blinked his eyes. "Ahh! the light! turn it off!"

"That's the sun, son." He finished with the hose. "Okay, now come inside and put on your clothes."

"Gaaaah!" Hidan pouted on the rock, before he glanced down. "Ahhh! I turned into a girl again! DAAAAD!"

He ran inside, where his mother tackled his with a towel, dried him, and wrestled a short and a shirt in one swift move. She's had lots of practice.

Hidan looked at his clothes. "Not my stupid evil bunny shirt again!"

Kamiko rolled her eyes. She went up to her sons room, followed by a whining Hidan. She dug through the drawers, and pulled out a diffrent bunny shirt.

"Yay!"

Kamiko sighed, "Hidan, honey, will you brush your hair for Mommy?"

"NO!"

"...Will you watch TV while Mommy gets ready?"

"...Okay!"

Hidan ran back downstairs, turned on Disney XD and started watching. "Haha- that dude just got nailed by that beard guy!"

...Okay, forget that other chapter, Hidan might just be the spawn of Satan.

Or- well-

No, we won't make that joke yet.

-Nen Household.

"KYYYY-kikikikiii!"

"DEIDARA! GET OFF OF THAT!"

Unlike Hidan, Deidara gets up early. Very early... Four in the moring early...

Thankfully, they have several live-in maids that just love him. But Deidara kicks it up a notch whenever he sees-

"Gampa Onoki Gampa-Gampa-Onoki!"

"GHAGHAAAAAA!" The little tot jumped off the chandelier and onto his Gampa's head. Giggling the whole while.

"Dad?" Kitsuchi, Onoki's eldest son, came inside. Upon seeing his father be eaten alive by the adorable three-year old, he paled, and measured his care for his fathers life over his own.

Okay, let's get to this ones back story!

Deidara is the adorable little son of the woman that Onoki's godson is married to... This woman was a whore, along with Onoki's godson. Onoki had five of them, that he raised since they were babies, and only one son of his own, being Kitsuchi.

The whore godson with the whore wife had Deidara, who's real father is who-the-fuck-knows. The whores 'cared' for him for about two years before they finally dumped him off and social services brought him to Onoki. The whores then had another child, didn't even bother to name it, just left it at the hospital and disappered.

Onoki retrieved that one, and Kitsuchi named him Akatsuchi... Because he's just... quirky like that, I guess. He adopted him and named him his own...

Then there's Deidara...

Kitsuchi refused to take Deidara. Now- like we just said- Onoki had raised several children. He knew how to control a child, he knew how to teach one. The maids and nannies fed and took care of them, but he was sure he knew how to control one.

... The concluding information doesn't need to be explained.

Lets just go with Deidara's _very special..._

Cute, but special...

_As in insane..._

"Kaaaaaah! kikikikikiki!" After some inner soul wrestling, Kitsuchi decided it was best to tear Deidara off his fathers head. So he '_gently_' tossed the toddler aside. The little angel rolled over and shot off again.

One of the younger maids trodded in just as Deidara zapped out of the room. "Um- Mr. Nen, should I get Deidara ready-"

"YES YES JUST DO IT! DO IT! GET IT DONE!"

The poor girl blinked. "Okay..."

Here's another funfact- miscommunication from social services had Onoki mistaken Deidara as a girl. So he had sent out all his maids to fill a little girls wardrobe. When the mistake was discovored, all the pretty dresses had to go to the Salvation Army.

And ignorant to the maid's urging, Onoki insisted that all the sparkly pink shirts and frilly flower pants were unisex. And he refused to allow them to re-stock the wardrobe until Deidara grew out of them.

... So anyway- despite the gender confusion- Dei-Chan was already quite the little charmer, all the maids just adored him, and for them, at least, Deidara was semi-tolerable.

...

Getting to the point, Deidara's a cheek-pinchingly cute little pyschopath- isn't that so predictable-but-adorable!

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-kihi-ke-didee!" He's so cute~

"Common Dei, time for dress up!"

Rule 1 for caring for Deidara. Use fun words, like scuba-boat time instead of bathtime and fluffy head time instead of hairbrushing.

Deidara made little clappy hands as he hopped on his fluffy little castle-bed.

Maid number 4574 giddily walked into the closet and picked up the nearest pair of pants and the first shirt that matched.

After inspecting the shirt, she noticed it was a hot pink sparkly tee with 'Princess' written in red rhinestones...

She tossed it behind a box and grabbed a yellow bumble bee shirt.

She came back and held them out for Deidara. "Come on- super transformation!"

"Ki-hee-hee!"

"GAUGH!" Onoki fell through the door, before jumping up quickly to avoid being climbed on.

That wouldn't help any, though. A kitten doesn't know you're not wearing pants, they just climb up your leg.

"Gampa Gampa!" Deidara giggled as he fell backwards, trying to wrestle the shirt over his head.

Onoki blinked grumpily. "Why me?" Deidara hopped up, finally dressed. He zipped through the room and between Onoki's legs, out the door. "DAMMIT!"

-Akasuna Household

Okay! time for Akasuna! Wonder what that means? oh, screw it. Just scroll down.

Sasori's a evil little shit. Okay. We learned that. Then there's Chiyo- she has dentures, and they were currently sizzling in a cup of that stuff you clean your dentures with. Don't look at me like that- I'm a wittle baby. I don't know what it's called- look! dialog!

"EBIZOOOOOOO!" Chiyo thundered through the house. Big house- it's big and it's cool and it's really old and victorian-styled. Chiyo's got money, dood.

Ebizo, her poor, mentally failing brother, was currently in a healthy enough mindset to want to hide. Chiyo had taken to hiding the car keys from him, so Ebizo had locked himself in the bomb shelter in the backyard.

"Ebi-ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chiyo bellowed again. But alas- nothing was there. She grumpily rolled her eyes. "Gah, selfish old loon."

Chiyo stomped up the stairs, if Ebizo wouldn't submit to her, all she had was to pick on Sasori. Rawr, irritation fuels her.

She pushed open the door, looked around, Sasori's room was full of things that had been thrown around when Chiyo tried to get Sasori dressed in the morning, and some snacks she would leave alone for him to pick at when she didn't feel like cooking. Or waking up. Or if she died and something accidentally locked Sasori in his room.

She stomped to his bed and yanked the blanket up. Sasori was curled in his usual little crosslegged ball. Sitting there, motionless, staring at nothing...

"Heeeey, little bugger." She sneered down to him, he glared up. "Hungry? Huh? wanna stay a pee-wee little midget forever?"

Growls emmited from the boy. Yet again.

Chiyo picked him up by the back of the collar. Bringing him though the halls, into a room, through a secret elevator, and into the kitchen. Yeah, big house. Not as big as the Uchiha houses but definately more hiding spaces. No giant, furnitureless rooms here.

She shoved Sasori into his high-chair- because sometimes there was no other way to keep him _still-_ and started on making some oatmeal.

Sasori was six, but due to his emotional retardation, Chiyo was keeping him out of school until he... well... started functioning... Yeah...

Chiyo doesn't even remember last time he went to the bathroom... hnnnnnn...

After boiling the food until the water was gone, Chiyo dumped it into a bowl and brought it to Sasori. Dry food is best because it's easier for her to just push it down his throat. So she stirred it enough so that it would mix together, and took some clumps. "How much do you hate me bugger?"

More growling.

"Can't heaaaaar yooooooou!"

More, growling...

"Open your mouth you constipated little dwarf."

Sasori didn't make a noise, he just glared.

Chiyo brought up her hand to wretch his mouth open, Sasori quickly glued his mouth closed while she wrestled with him.

When Sasori finally did open his mouth, Chiyo knew what it meant and she pulled her hands away. He chomped down and smacked his jaws together, cue cutsy whining from baby Sasori.

Chiyo brought his chin down and looked in, she stuck a finger in his mouth and pulled something out. "There's your last baby tooth!"

Sasori put the arm of his doll in his mouth and started gnawing on it. Omnomnomnom.

"Well, fine. Splinters are a better breakfast then any." She got up and threw the bowl of dried, chunky oatmeal onto the counter and then Sasori's tooth into a wooden pear-shaped object. After closing it, she handed it to Sasori. "There, a new rattle."

Sasori took it and after inspecting it, he started pounding it on his chair. Still gnawing his doll in the other hand.

Chiyo went back to moving things and throwing things around in the kitchen. She smacke a underhanging radio attached to the bottom of a cuppard and cranked the volume up. Sing/screeching loudly.

"CA-A-A-AN YOU TELL ME WHERE MY LOOOOOOVE HAS GOOOOONE? HE'S MY JAAAAAPANEEEEEESE BOOOOOOOY! LALA LALA LA LA LAAA. LAAA LA LAALALA LAAAA!"

As she sing/screeched, squirting various dishes with soap, Sasori gnawed louder to drown it out. Their little kitty, thriving in pain in the corner, eventuall had to dash out of the room. Where as Ebizo was sneaking through the back door, slowly trying to inch towards the phone to call for a taxi, carrying his fishing gear.

Sasori looked up at his Grand-uncle-pappy. He made a indistiquishable gacking noise, signalling to Chiyo, who spun around. "THERE YOU ARE!"

"Gah dammit."

"Gimme your credit card! it was advertised in a newspaper a lady found a pair of shoes and I want to get to them before the real owner does!"

-The Uzumaki Orphanage

A long time ago, this pretty little orphanage was called 'Memento Mori Orphanage'. Memento Mori means _remember you will die._

So, when Mito Uzumaki was given control of it, she quickly changed the name. Sadly, she couldn't think of anything. There was a three-month-standing poll on what to call it. No one gave a single suggestion. So, it was called Uzumaki Orphange. What spirals have to do with orphans is anybodys guess.

Mito still used her last name Uzumaki originally to keep people away from her with the paparazzi and- you know- orphans don't like cameras following them around.

They're sad, you know. Orphans are sad.

But alas, she was happily married to the mayor, Hashirama. Their love story is sweet and darling, but that's not why we're here.

This orphanage was homed to some cutsy wittle tikes. Yay!

Want to know the layout? think Madeline.

When the sun rose up, shining through the girls' side of the building, it his the little cobalt head of Konan-sweetest. The cutest wittle lady chibi in the friggin' world.

She fluttered her eyes open, upon noticing the sun shining, she quickly sat up in her bed and jumped out. Tip-toeing past the other girls, all groggily pulling their blankets over their heads.

She eased the big creaky door open and slipped out, padding down the hall, she crossed a few rooms before she reached the other side of the building. She had to duck away from a few workers, all tiredly getting up themselves, but she made it to her wittle destination~

Just as before she eased a big creaky door open, tip-toed past the boys, and on the count of three, threw herself on one of the beds. "Naga Naga! common get up!"

Nagato shook his dreary head, looking up at her giddy, smiling face. "What time is it Kona?"

"Suns up silly!" She cooed, the whispered. "We gotta wake Yi'ko up!"

Nagato was pulled out by his darling Kona and he tiredly followed her around and to the next bed. She shook Nagato a few more times for good measure, so he would be awake enough for the next task.

Both wittle tikes counted one-two-three, before throwing themselves onto one of the beds. "Yahikooooooooooo!"

"GAH!" The carrot-top tike fell out of the bed and his friends both spout out in cutsy wittle hystarical laughter. Yahiko jumped up. "Not cool! I was at a part in my dream where the aliens were about to dissect me!"

More laughing at Yahiko as he fumed and whined. Before a worker opened the door and came in. "Konan! not again! go on back to your hall."

"Yes miss!" Konan jumped off the boys' bed and went on her merry way to get ready.

A few months ago, there was a daycare on the other side of town- it blew up randomly. Very terrible. A few workers were killed and others badly injured. Which- was one of the reasons Akatsuki Daycare was getting so much service.

The thing was- people that were working at the orphanage also worked part-time at that Daycare. So the orphanage had also lost a few people. And since orphans need alot of care and are mostly extremely traumatized, they had to send a few of their less-needy children to the daycare for the time being.

Okay, so- Konan's parents died in a carcrash when she was a baby, Nagao's were murdered by a pyschopath, and Mito was a distant relative, so that worked out. and Yahiko was just found wandering around aimlessly in the street when he was a toddler. Yeah...

There was also Jiraiya, who was left in a hospital dumpster when he was a baby. And Orochimaru, whose parents were frozen to death beside him when the families car got trapped in a snowdrift in the middle of the woods for two weeks...

Arugably this made Orochi the most traumatized of the bunch, but he still had to go to daycare because Jiraiya's the only one he doesn't scream in fear from and there were lots of other attention-needing orphans around. Yeah, orphans are sad. Save the orphans.

Wittle darling sweet Konan was brushing her teeth quickly before running on out of the girls' bathroom to join her boytoys. Yahiko was currently picking the living hell out of Nagato. Which included- as per usual- tugging on his hair and pushing him around.

"Yahiko stop poking him!" Konan lectured.

Yahiko stuck his tongue out at her- she grabbed a hold of it. "Hbah! Kobab! bop bip!"

Konan let go and Nagato was freed from the carrot-top terror. "Thankyou Konan."

Konan fluffed up her pretty victorian lolita dress while Yahiko complained about wanting to go attack something or otherwise terrorize things, while Nagato stood there, awkward and in a constant state of fear.

A bunch of the children were waiting in the opening hall room waiting for their darling Missus Mito. Who would come- and as was the new schedule, she would take all the little tikes on the list and take them to the daycare. Before coming back and help take care of all the pyscho wittle babies.

Mito herself entered the door. All the children chimed- "Hello Missus Mito!"

"Good morning kids~" She cooed to them all. "Okay, Jiraiya, Konan, Nagato, Orochimaru and Yahiko all come out, time for daycare."

Four of the five kids cheered giddily and went to cling to her legs. Mito batted away Jiraiya when he tried to pull up her skirt, and then she brought them all outside.

"Everyone get in the van and put your seatbelts on."

"Mito Mito! I had a dream and the aliens put me in their experimental spirit-switching chair and they were going to detach my arm and them put it back on and they used a seatbelt to hold me down while they probed my brain and-"

"PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON YAHIKO."

"Okay."

-Akatsuki Daycare

Madara had finally gotten Hashi-chan to shut-the-hell-up by pretending he forgot the address and letting Hashirama drive him there. So now, after finally getting rid of that bitchy little nag, Madara was able to do something... Ummm... that didn't include Hashirama bitching in his ear. Yeah.

The first one to arrive was Hashi's little daughter Tsunade. She played twenty questions, but upon noticing all of Madara's answers were 'you in a bloody mess' she stopped and went to poutingly play with the dolls.

Another group of kids were scheduled to come any minute. So Maddie was banging his head against his desk. "_Gaaaaaaaawd._ I hate you." He looked up at the ceiling. "You too, Izuna. You sadistic little fucktard."

When Madara said that, in his head he could hear the jingling of that damned swear jar. He searched his brain for any pre-made censor modes. Lessee- Death 2 All mode. Annoy Hashirama mode. Make everyone like me mode. Horror movie watching mode. Piss-off anyone in a twenty feet radius mode. Recently made Dad mode- and even_ that_ one didn't include censorship.

He banged his head on the desk again. "Ugh."

Then a couple of kids started coming in. First one's there were Mito with all those cute little orphans. "GAAAAH Orochimaru you SUCK!"

This was followed by the poor, greasy-haired little pervert crying hystarically.

Mito almost lectured them but then Jiraiya pulled Orochimaru away and over to Tsunade. Mito sighed before looking to Madara. "Morning Madara. Doing good?"

"Peachy, lady. Just peachy." He puffed. "Just these kids from you?"

"Yes."

Konan skuttled up to Madara. "Hello Mister Maddie!"

"Hey, blueberry muffin." He poked her pretty little head. "Don't call me Maddie."

She blinked innocently. "Will you keep calling me blueberry muffin?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then no." He turned her around and hustled her off.

"I'll call you blueberry muffin Konan!" Yahiko cheered giddily.

Konan blinked innocently, again. "I don't want you to call me blueberry muffin." Yahiko slumped down and whined. "But Nagato can call me just blueberry." Yahiko whined some more...

The three wittle babies went off into the room. Madara groaned. "Can you tell your hubbie to not play wake-up call to me again? It made me extra pissed at the world today."

Mito rolled her eyes. "I can try, no guarantees. But if he asks, I came up with it on my own."

"Yea-ng."

Mito went on out. And Madara thunked his head back down on his desk.

A few more kids were brought in, the next notable one was wittle Itachi Uchiha. Brought in by his gawd-aweful Mommy.

"Hello Madara!" She cooed sweetly. All smiles and caffine.

_Hello you souless, fake, ignorant, incestuous whore._ "Hey Mikoto." Madara cooed back.

"Say hello to uncle Maddie honey!"

"Hello uncle Madara~" Madara grin/sneered at the boy, just looking so innocent holding his mummys hand.

Behind them came in Etsuko Hoshigaki and her son Kisame "Hellosir Kisamummyluvsyou I'llbehereatten thankyouverymuch loveyouhoneybye!" She was out with that.

Kisame waved at his newest best friend. "Hey Itachi! I brought my Rescue Warriors playset! I got the winter- vehicle and original sets!"

"Okay~" Itachi and Kisame both skuttled off to a corner to play.

Mikoto blinked. "Was that boy _blue?_"

_Yes he was, you judgeful nazi woman._ "Huh? I didn't notice. Bye Miko." Silently, Mikoto eventually turned and left herself.

Next up, was Satan incarnate. "THIS PLAYS SMELLS LIKE DONKEY BALLS!"

The voice came before the boy, the boy came before the mother, and the mother came before she could think to run the other way and not come back.

Madara glared at the white-haired little little demon. "Have you ever seen a donkey, kid?"

Hidan cocked his head. "Huh? no."

"Want a mirror?"

"What does mirrors have to do with this!" He pouted. His mother bowed in apoligy.

"I'm very sorry about him."

Madara brushed it off. "Eh, no reason to be sorry. Not when he's going to be like this his whole life."

Hidan's poor mother blanched at the thought. She forced a smile to her son, and then turned around and rushed out the door.

Next notable, came after Madara heard the ominous sound of a clunky car rolling onto the street outside.

But, instead of Chiyo, an old man, bruised, bandaged and balding, brought Sasori Akasuna in.

Ebizo nodded at Sasori, who emotionlessly started out into the room. Ebizo looked at Madara. "You won't keep me too, would you?"

Madara, however feeling extreme pity for the man, had to shake his head no. Ebizo sighed in his depression and started out-

"DANNA!" A golden blob zipped through the door. But before it reached it's target, it's target smacked it across the face with a dolly. "Ow!"

Poor, darling little baby Deidara started bawling at the latest slap in the face from his Danna. Poor baby.

"KEEP HIM! KEEP HIM AND DON'T GIVE HIM BACK!" Was the echoing voice of Onoki outside. He never even came in. Smart man.

Now both old men were gone. Deidara quieted down to little sniffles, he made a grab at Sasori again.

Sasori had a advance, now. He would just hit Deidara before he ever even got close to him. So this is what he did. And Deidara started crying again.

Madara got out of his chair, and picked both kiddies up. "Okay shrimp, you sit over here." Sasori goes in one corner. "And you go here, trany." Deidara was set in the other corner.

Madara was _just_ about to walk away when the little blonde baby latched onto his leg. Looking down, Madara tried to kick him off... Not working... Madara limped over to his desk, took a bottle of pepper spray from his desk, and sprayed it on his pants next to where Deidara clutched. The baby screeched at the smell and dashed away.

Madara made sure to dose the rest of his pants incase this occured again. And also decided to make this a regular routine.

The last notable child came next. Tetsuya Itakura had to carry his son through the door. "Hello, apologys for our being late. Kakuzu doesn't feel well today."

"Stop talking so loud!" Kakuzu whined, clutching at his frizzed little head.

Madara looked at the squirming little brat. "What'd he do? find the liquor cabinet?"

"No, just the coffee maker."

"YOU'RE STILL TALKING TOO LOUD- Ooooow!" The boy winced at his own voice.

His father set him down. "That's why I kept saying no. Now go play in a corner or something."

"Hnnnn!" He whined more~

The father bid them goodbye and left. Madara looked down at Kakuzu. "Wow, kid. You sure over did it."

"Caffine is evil, it kills people!" Little Kakuzu moaned, on the verge of tears from his headache. "I'm going to pop a blood vessel in my brain and have a seizure!" Kakuzu whined and cried and started fumbling slowly into the room.

Madara made a mental note to find something to help the boy. But first- he thought to himself, thinking on the former line 'Caffine kills'... Story time!

In their Junior year of college, Madara was sharing a dorm with all of his childhood buddies, Hashirama, Izuna, Mito and Tobirama.

They were all hailed by proffesors as the most intelligent students they'd ever taught, but one proffesor wasn't convinced. He made a deal with all of them.

For the entire final semester of their Junior year, Madara, Izuna, Tobirama, Hashirama and Mito would not study. They would take their final exam papers based on things they'd already learned and knew. If they were faking all of their papers, they would bomb and not get a passing grade. Or, they would ace it, as always, and be awarded a giant grant to pay off all their debts and future purchases for their Senior year.

And, if they failed, not only would they be thrown into Academic Probation, but they would all be forced to change their Mayjors to Art. Mito- since her Mayjor was already Art- would have had to change it to Economics... Ew...

They took this chance so that they could pay off their college debts and start their own fortunes not based on their already wealthy familes. The thing is- the proffesor was insane. Driven insane by these evil little smart people. So, the week before the final exam, he poisoned their mac-n-cheese...

A large amount of it, infact. Everyone in the dorm got sick, especially Izuna, Hashirama, Mito and Tobirama. Madara didn't. Because on some serge of divine intervention, he had been pissed at Hashi that day, and cranky, and impatient. So he shoveled his food down, and minutes later, gacked it up in the dorm public toilets. In the girls public toilets, to boot. Mito and Izuna had to hold his hair back, and try not to laugh loud enough for him to hear.

But by the end of the day, everyone had terrible food poisoning- that wasn't just food poisoning- but it attacked their entire immune system. Hashirama got mumps, Mito got chicken pocs, Tobirama got a very aggressive form of the flu, which included the worst sinus infection in history, and Izuna seemed to have pnemonia, mumps and the second worse case of sinus infection in history. Not to mention the runs.

Madara, who'd gacked all up, was the only healthy person in the dorm. And now- we get to the point of this flashback.

It was decided by the schoolboard that the final exams of the people in the dorm would be delievered to the students early and turned in the exam day. Determined to reliquish cheating, the evil, crazy proffesor disconnected all electric appliances, and even took out all usable books in the dorms library... Yeah, seriously...

So this is what happened. Madara stayed up, stayed up, STAYED UP. No five minutes of sleep- hell, not even a _meal,_ for a week straight, doing the papers of him Hashirama, Izuna, Tobirama, and Mito. All by himself. This would have been easy, if he wasn't also _caring for all of them._

On the exam day, the exams were processed. Most of the people in the dorm had pretty failing grades, except for Madara, Izuna, Hashirama, Tobirama, and Mito. Who all aced.

Madara had even taken care to forge his friends' handwritting. The professor had no idea he had done them all himself. He went crazy, and was dragged out of the campus by men in white.

This was the only insane stunt Madara has ever pulled that Hashirama has never brung up again.

Madara has not drank coffee, soda, or anything else with caffine since then. Since after that, Madara _still_ stayed up, he _still_ didn't sleep, or even _eat_ until he took Izuna's last temperature that finally read '98.6'

This took about two weeks. So for nearly a month, Madara had not slept. When everyone was better, Madara slept... He slept... for roughly one-hundred hours... And had to sleep about fifteen hours everyday before his system was right again.

Do you have any idea what it's like when a meth addict goes through withdrawal? Well, Madara had strikingly simular experiances when he went through caffine withdrawal. Possibley due to the fact that he had _lived on coffee and Mountain Dew for a month..._

When he was done with the sleeping portion of his recovory, Hashirama himself had spent a great deal of his grant on a single night, at a resturaunt, _feeding Madara._ Feeding him with whatever he desired, thought of or threatened for. Filling his stomach out. They were there until the place closed. While at home, Mito explained to the proffesors why Madara hadn't been attending class. Izuna did all of Madara's assignments, and Tobirama cleaned. Cleaned that entire dorm. Because it was horribly riddled with tissues, trash, and what appered to be adult diapers. To prevent anyone from getting sick again...

Yes, they were all most certainly the best of friends...

As Madara reminised all of this. He sat there, lazily watching nothing. His head was pointed in the direction of the children, but his eyes were seeing only the pictures in his head.

When the pictures started to fade and all of the desired memories were complete. The smell of those adult diapers finally faded, and it was replaced with the smells from outside of his head.

This smell was the smell of something burning. Madara turned around.

The microwave was still going, he hadn't been thinking that long. He went up to it, the food was still in there, fine, but smoke was coming out of the bottom of the machine.

Madara lifted to machine carefully, a disgusting, fruity, black-and-red substance was smoking from underneith the microwave.

Hashi's henchmen had cleaned this place up and down. But anything invisable, like under this microwave- (or, unknowing to Madara- the covored hole in the wall-) Was left to grow black mold and kill these cute little children.

Madara rolled his eyes. Knowing he would be staying up that night, finding all of these places.

He set the microwave down, turned it off. And turned to the kids. "Okay you little buggers! who wants to play outside?"

-Outside

Madara had brought all the little children outside in the backyard for them to play and frolic and such. Since the Daycare was currently filling up with foul and possibley lethal red smoke.

He brought out every outdoor-worthy game and toy he could find, along with one of the little plastic tables. "Okay kids, play with these. If you have to use the bathroom, there's bushes over there, and there, and there." He pointed to the various shrubs before going to sit on one of the little, tiny, baby lawnchairs.

Oh yes, he was feeling rather lucky at his lack of needing to do anything.

Meanwhile, we move to three, cute wittle orphans. Who are cute. Look at them! oh, wait, guess you can't.

"Okay!" Yahiko declared. "I have decided! We will look for members to join our group here!"

"Who are we going to let join?" Asked wittle Konan.

Yahiko was silent, for a few moments... again. "Uhhhh, lets look around!"

Quick scene change.

Over by the little plastic table, Itachi was making little playdoh trees for a little playdoh town while Kisame went around picking up leaves to stick on the top.

Dei-Dei-Chan was also playing with playdoh. He made a giant hill, of rainbow colors and prettiness. Yaaaaay!

His Danna was curled up in a corner, throwing rocks at anyone who came within a foot of him. And sometimes Deidara, just to remind him to stay away.

The latest rock landed on top of Dei's mountain, so he happily pushed it in.

"I got more leaves- and here's some rocks- and here's some dirt to put everything on!" Kisame put the items he collected on the table next to Itachi.

"Okay- we need more leaves and dirt- and some icecubes."

Kisame blinked. "Why icecubes?"

"We can use them to make the lakes and pools!" The wittle weasel gushed.

"Okay!" Kisame went out to find more shurbs and such.

Itachi took another pile of playdoh to being the next tree trunk...

Wittle baby Deidara... _blink blink blink._

Now, there's a long, well-worded, almost heart moving paragraph for why what is about to happen is gonna happen.

But, getting to the point... Deidara's an mentally traumatized, bratty, violent, attention-whore.

Which is all the explaination needed for why Deidara jumps on Itachi and takes a chunk out of his shoulder.

_CHOMP_

Zip, grab, pull, set. Madara is very efficent. He got all that done before Itachi started crying.

So while he was, Madara held Deidara up by the collar infront of him. "Okay twat, what was that for?"

Deidara _growled._

Madara raised his eyebrow. "You're evil, aren't you?"

More growling.

Blink blink. "Hm, should probably stop calling you a trany."

Blink blink. "Wuz' a trany?" Deidara innocently asked.

Blink blink. "Youknowwhat? I think you make a good match for this one." He set Deidara down next to Sasori. Sasori immidiantly wacked him with his doll and Deidara began crying. "Hey, shrimp. Do that again and I'm taking your dollie."

Sasori growls.

"...Yeah, you two deserve eachother."

Madara walked away. Deidara tried for Sasori again, this time he just bit him. "OW! Bad Danna! bad!"

Over with Itachi, Madara tapped him. "You okay kid?"

"Hn." He was back to playing with the playdoh. Tears dried.

"Okay." Madara went on his way.

Kisame came back. "Okay I got alot of dirt but I couldn't carry anymore so-... Itachi are you crying?"

"No." ...

Meanwhile~

Kakuzu had curled himself into a bush, and was currently trying to bury his head in the dirt. Guess what happened? OMG you will NEVER guess!

Hidan walked up! Surprise, huh?

"What're you doing?"

"Hmpf hn hn hn hmpf hn hng."

Hidan chewed absently on his fingers while he watched him. After a few minutes, all joy was spent. So Hidan started kicking him. "What. Are. You. Doooooiiiiiiiing?"

"Go away!"

Hidan feeded off the agony of others, so he kept kicking him. "Are you hung over? My uncle Gen was hung over once- and he was on the bathroom floor- and he kept saying he was dying and curling up like you are- and he told us to write his will and call Grandma- and then he fell asleep."

During the rambling, Kakuzu had urged together enough strength to glare at him. "You're an idiot."

"And YOU are an al-key-bow-lic."

Kakuzu's withdrawal was finally to the point where it was painful enough to kill all judgement but eased enough to not get nausious in jumping up and mauling the person closest to you.

Zip, grab, pull, set. You know the drill.

Hidan cleaned the guck out of his hair while Kakuzu curled back into his fetal position. Madara looked down on them. "Why do you two keep talking if you don't like eachother?"

Good question. One neither could answer.

Madara rolled his eyes as he returned to his special little seat. He was about to kick the rump of the little kid that had just stolen it, until he noticed something familiar.

Swirly orange familiar.

Madara looked at his son. "When'd you get here?"

Tobi jumped up, waved giddily at Daddy, and then sped off.

Back with Yahiko, Konan and Nagato, they had finally come up with the plan.

"... The plan... is... um... we... we pick whoever we... see... and... like... uhhhh..." Steam was about to start pouring out the poor carrot-tops ears.

"Oh for glory sakes!" Konan huffed, jumping up. "_I'll_ pick who's in the group!"

"Perfect!" Yahiko jumped up. "That's awesome! _Told you_ I'd think of something!"

Both ran off, to begin on their quest, Nagato sat there a moment. "...My friends are fucking imbeciles..."

He then jumped up and followed after them

-And so the journey begins!

"Are you okay?"

"I hate you."

Kakuzu had wedged his head inbetween his knees and was giving the occasional moaning noise. They were just sitting there, doing nothing, in their own little unoffical timeout.

A soft little gasp brought Hidan's head up. Konan had scuttered over to them. "Is he okay?"

"I asked him and he just said he hated me, first he said he hated Barney and then it was Q-bert, though."

Konan sat down infront of Kakuzu. "Common, Missus Mito says I give really good head rubs!"

Originally Kakuzu had looked up to glare at her but when her sweet little hads came up to rub his temples he couldn't complain anymore.

Yahiko and Nagato came up. "Konan! common no time to play nurse!"

But Konan was already giggling happily. "I want these two to be in it!"

"Hnah?" That was Hidan, no word to explain how he said it.

"Yes!" Yahiko raised his arms in another one of his declarations. "We are forming a group of super-awesome beings! You two may be our first to join!"

Hidan was already staring up in cutsy awe. "Omigawd really?"

"Hng." Originally Kakuzu was going to insult them, but Konan's hands fell for a moment and his head was pouding again. "Okay." Konan clapped happily, which he winced at, but then she got back to her soothing.

Eventually, Kakuzu wasn't whimpering at the loss of her touch, so they were able to continue on with their journey.

The four boys followed Konan around as she giddily skipped around, waiting for something to catch her eye. Something did, it was blue. Really blue.

She skipped up to the blue thing that was picking at the bushes. "Hi! what's your name?"

Kisame blinked, holy crap. _Another_ person was talking to him, and it was a really pretty girl. GAAAAH!

"Hello?" She blinked so sweetly. "What's your name?"

Must, not, let, chance, pass. "Op-op-o-bop. Blip blop."

Konan giggled. "I like you too! Yahiko I want this one!"

Yahiko skidded into view, arms raised, you have the image. "Hello our dear-... blue?... friend." Yahiko cocked his head, but then he continued on. "Okay! Nice to meet you! you're now in our group! common!"

Kisame almost got pale when the cranky boy from the other day was present, but, apparently not remembering him, Hidan cocked his head too. "Why are you blue?"

Kisame blinked. Hn, no one's really taken the time to ask him that. "Mom said I didn't get enough air when I was in her tummy."

Kakuzu looked at Hidan. "Hm, I think that's what might've happened to _you._"

Hidan wasn't listening, just staring in shock. "Forget that! what was he doing in a tummy!"

While Yahiko tried to spout the same question, Kisame jumped up. "Can my friend Itachi be in it too?"

Konan jumped about giddily. "Uh-huh!"

Konan followed Kisame back to the plastic table whie Hidan and Yahiko debated what it meant to get into a tummy.

Hidan believed it was a magic fairy spell. Yahiko was convinced you could only crawl in if the bellybutton was a inny.

Konan and Kisame made it to the table. "Itachi! we just got invited to be in their group!... Oh, and I got the leaves!"

After a moment of blinking and a headcock, Itachi took the leaves, jammed them into the little green balls he'd been making, and set them on the treetrunks. "Okay! we'll finish tomarrow-" He jumped up. "Whatta we get to do?"

Konan raised her arms to mimick Yahiko's declaration stance. "We getta do awesome stuff!"

"Cool~" Now, Yahiko, Nagato, Hidan and Kakuzu had caught back up.

"Konan you're too fast! stop liking everybody!" Yahiko panted.

"Sorry~" She looked around. "Ohohoh! that one that one!" She sped off again.

"Gaaah!" Yahiko yelled and stomped after her.

Konan had went over to the corner and pointed to a wittle golden baby. "Yi'ko, I like that one!"

He examined the beautiful little Dei-Dei-Chan. "What's her name?"

Nagato came up and tugged Yahiko's sleeve. "I think it's a boy."

"Is not! stupid-head!"

Konan poked him. "Yes it is you silly! that's why I like him! he's a boy but he's pretty like a girl."

Deidara unknowingly blinked as he watched them, while Yahiko rolled his eyes. "Fine, he's allowed in."

Konan bent down to him. "You're our new friend! okay?"

Deidara blinked and giggled. "Okaaaay!" He then made a wittle exclaimation and grabbed to the red thing his his right. "Wha' about him?"

Konan didn't notice the equally adorable red-head hiding in the shadow, that was now growling. Konan didn't register this, just how pretty his eyes were. "Ohohohoh! yesyes! Him too!" She gasped giddily. "Can I play with your dolly?"

Sasori growled louder, and he was seconds away from lunging for her when she darted down to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Iluvhim Iluvhim Iluvhiiiiim!" She squeed.

It might have been that her arms were softer or that her voice was less screeching, but Sasori chose not to bite her.

Yahiko started flapping his arms around. "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait- okay- too many kids- I can't remember thius many names!"

Konan blinked to herself. "..." She looks at everyone. "What're your names?"

Hidan, Deidara, and Yahiko all raised their hands excitedly.

"Yi'ko I already know your name!"

"Oh..."

-And it starts!

"Okay, so it's Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kisame." Konan counted off all the boys that were sitting in their new little circle. "Can you remember that Yahiko?"

"Uhhhhm-... Deidara like daytime like his hair. Sasori for sucking becuz he bit me." Yahiko was still rubbing his bite red spot on his arm, when he'd leaned too close to him. "Hidan like he-says-damn-alot. Uhhhm, Kakuzu like clock like buisness like stuck-upness like he is." Kuzy-ku raised an eyebrow. "Itachi like it's-a-she because he's really nice like a girl. Aaaaand- Kisame like kissing-me like noones ever gonna want to do to him becuz he's blue." Sniffles from Kisa-chan.

Nagato was tugging Yahiko's sleeve again. "Yahi, what's that?" Everyone turned to look as it was just noticed that a kid with a piece of swirly orange-colored paper was sitting in their circle.

"..." Konan jumped out of her seat. "I want him too!"

"GAAAAH!" Yahiko grabbed at his head. "It's too much! I can't remember their names again!"

Konan sighed while Nagato banged his head on Yahiko's chair.

Konan got down and crawled over to the newbie. "What's _yooour_ name?"

He pulled a mini dryboard and marker out from behind his back and after writing on it held it up. 'TOBI'

"Tobi!" She cooed. "Okay Yahiko- it's Tobi like to-be-continued like what you always hate to happen in your TV shows like you didn't like us deciding on another member!"

Yahiko fluttered his eyes. "YES! I GOT IT!"

"Yaaaay!" Konan clapped giddily. Tobi did a little dance.

Konan then went around and hugged all her newest boytoys who either screamed in terror or giggled and tackled her back.

Yahiko jumped up to stand on his 'leaders chair' "Okay! now we are going to have fantastical adventures!... Who has an idea!"

"Lets be cops!"

"Lets be knights!"

"I wanna climb a tree!"

"OW! Danna stop bi-ing me!"

"Lets stop yelling..."

"We can name the group first~"

Everyone stopped short. Hnnnnn. They needed a name.

Yahiko blinked absently. "What are we gonna name it?"

"Awesomesauce!"

"Musketeers!"

"Totally cool dudes!"

"But I'mma GIRL!"

"_Whaaaaaaa!_"

"The order!"

"Annoying."

"Shutupshutupshutupshutup!" Yahiko quieted everybody down. "Okay, uhhhhm... I kind of like awesomesauce." Kisame cheered. "Buuuut- we need to agree on something- it needs to be something legendalary, something that strikes fear and en-vin-an-ie." Yahiko smacked his lips together. "En-vindy." He pursed his lips. "En-vinlediesl." He pushed his cheeks together. "Eb-onby...Ebooby!...Eviny- DAMMIT!"

"Envy?"

"Shuttup nice one!- OW!" You dun' tell Kisa's first friend to shuttup. Yahiko learned this.

While Yahiko was thriving in pain on the floor, everyone looked around, waiting. Then, Nagato crawled up onto Yahiko's chair. "Les' call it Akatsuki."

"What-the-fuck's Akatsuki got ta' do wif it?" Hidan mumbled.

"Well, we all met here, sooo- I guess it works."

Yahiko shot up off the floor. "Perfect! I like it! good work Nagato you'll be posted as co-writter of our namesake!"

A hand raised. "I like him more dhen' I do you!"

"Shuttup girly one!" _Yahiko was mauled by a little golden girly-baby._

Nagato continued on, trying best to ignore the screams. "Okay, so we are now Akatsuki, we all stick together forever more."

"Are there any rules?" Kakuzu asked, because everyone was fine with ignoring Yahiko's screams of agony.

"NO BITING ME!" Yahiko wacked Deidara in the head, the wittle baby started crying.

Konan hopped over and wacked Yahiko. "Be nice! Deidara's our baby!"

Yahiko joined the same state as the little baby. But Konan only cuddled one. Poor Yahiko.

Nagato continued on now. "Um, okay, so. Yahiko's leader because he's more charismatic then me."

"What's charismatic mean? Is it something about being loud?"

"SHUTTUP LOUD ONE!"

Konan wacked Yahiko in the head again. "Stop being mean to everybody!"

"GAAAAAH!"

At the rising voice levels, Nagato nervously left his seat. "- Yahiko? what do you wanna do?"

Yahiko sniffled and rubbed the tears from his eyes. "I'm taking a bweak. Evewy one ewse decide."

"Climb a tree!"

"Boss everyone around!"

"Make a mini-village!"

"Death ray!"

"Plushies!"

"_Whaaaaaa!_"

"SHUT UP!"

"...I didn't know he could talk."

"Okay okay everybody!" Konan tried getting their attention. "We hafta' figure out somethin' good to do and-... Hey where's Tobi?"

Everyone stopped their arguing and looked around. Before they noticed the little black tuff of hair, behind them, dissapearing into the woods.

"Uh-oh."

"Tobi!"

"AFTAR HEEEEEEM!"

The most of them dashed off- or were dragged off- into the bushes. Kakuzu stayed standing there with Kisame.

Kakuzu blinked. "I seem to remember a girl named Alice making this same mistake..."

"Yeah, this doesn't seem like a good idea." Kisame agreed-

"Kisa! common!"

"Coming Itachi!" The blue boy dashed off. Kakuzu blinked. Sighed. And slowly followed.

Meanwhile...

_Blink blink._

It was the rustle of a bush and side-glance of something disapearing that re-grabbed Madara Uchiha's attention.

Suddenly, this made him notice something. That the yard was a whole lot emptier then it was a moment ago.

Wasn't there a bunch of kids screaming over there?

And Tobi was sitting with them... Where was Tobi?

He counted the kids- okay, he was down at least ten.

He tried to pick out which were missing- Tobi, Itachi, blueberry muffin...

_Shit._

"Okay kids!" He got up to make another annoucement. "Today's special event day! Scavanger Hunt in the woods!"

"Whatta we hafta find mister?"

"Uhhhh-" Notepad- in his pocket- penpenpenpen- yes- found one! "Pinecone, uhhhh, leaf, uhhhhhh, bird fountain, uhhhhhh, moss, uhhhhhh, uhhhhh..." _Dammit what else do you find in a forest!_ "Pretty flower."

He wrote down all that came to his head and handed the slip to the nearest kid.

"Share it, don't find over it, or you don't get... a... uh, cookie. Yeah, cookies are the reward."

"Cookie!"

"Mister will you carry me?"

"Uhhh- no."

"Please?"

"I want you to carry me!"

"Carry me too!"

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease!"

"Will you marry me?"

_DAMMIT!_

-In the magical forest of terror!

"To-_biiiii!_" Konan whined. "Don't go so fast! Missus Mito won't like it if my dress rips again!"

The wittle group of tikes had finally gotten caught up to their wittle masked friend, who was skipping around and dancing and knocking on the trees.

Yahiko, by now, was crawling along. "This... is... ow- OW! nyaaaaa~ Konan-Chan I gotted a thoooooorn!"

Hidan came up behind him and yanked it out of his hand.

"OW!"

"Ur' a whiney baby."

"SHUTTUP!"

Deidara was gigglingly jumping over all the sticks and stones and fun little things. Everyone once and a while he would have to go back and tug Sasori through. Then let go when he tried to bite him. Yes~

"Dannaaaaa! you gotsta' do somethin! Miko-Chan saided' tha if you don't move you can't move no more!" He got behind him and tried to push him through the forest. Alas, Sasori hated the outdoors, he hated green stuff, he hated Deidara touching him, and he hated motion.

Hell, the only things he didn't hate were Konan and his dolly. Sasori calmly motioned to bite Deidara again, but the golden baby jumped back.

"_No_ Danna! _no!_ I'm not to eat!"

_GOD he was an idiot._

Itachi and Kisame were trailing along in the back. Itachi was instructing Kisame to scratch at everyother tree with Kisame's mini-knife. It was dull-to-all-getout and hardly a threat to any possible kidnappers... Good for jabbing trees with, though. Guess Kisa's mom's paranoia wasn't fruitless.

"And that one~ and that one~ and this one~" Itachi cooed as Kisame hopped over to each tree and jabbed at them.

"Itachi, why are we coming all the way out here?"

The darling wittle Uchiha baby cocked his sweet wittle head. "Uuuuum~ I dunnooooo~"

Logic was telling Kisame they wern't going to find anything. But for Itachi, he was just having fun getting the fresh air and playing with their new friends. Plus Konan was pretty~ Which was also a reason for Kisame.

And everyone else~

But- however Kakuzu no longer had his caffine withdrawal headache, he was now developing the begginings of a Hidan headache.

Hidan felt the need to explain the facts of life with Kakuzu. "And then there's this whooooooole big conspiracy between the goverment and the fairies use of our honey."

_GOD he was an idiot._

"And those poor bees are stuck in the middle of it-"

"Will you _shut, up?_"

Hidan stared at him in OMG awe. "Are you heartless? it's like you don't even care about the gaggles of starving ghostwellow girls!"

"Are you brainless? and what one earth is a ghostwellow?"

Hidan blinked. "They're the fairy girls that bring romantic feelings through a willow tree and tragedy to romance."

Kakuzu blinked at him... Just... blinked... "...God you're an idiot."

And so, Hidan blinked back. "...Eh?"

Moving on to ahead.

"Konan, where do you think he's going?" Nagato whispered to her as the slowly stalked after their masked friend.

Yahiko was still crawling to catch up, apparently not learning his lesson from the thorn. "We... are on... a... really... cool... adven... adven... adveeeeeeh... I'm tired."

Konan sighed at the silly, silly boys she had chosen to be her friends, but then she noticed thqat figure they'd been following had dissapeared. "Tobi?"

Her and Nagato looked around. "Where'd he go?"

"Tobiiiiii!"

Everyone gathered around the spot they last saw him. "Gah! I knew he was evil!"

"Maybe he's a changling?"

"Shut-UP!"

"I'm hungryyyyy~"

"Me too."

"How far in are we?"

"Okayokayokay calm down! Maybe he had to pee or something!" Yahiko tried. "Maybe- if- uhhhh, we keep going in this direction, we'll- uhhhhh, catch up... to... him..." _Blink blink blink._ "... Let's go!"

Yahiko turns and dashes off-... then he... dissapeared. However a yell was accompanied this time.

"Yahiko?" Konan and Nagato went after him, followed quickly by everyone else. And so they all, 'dissapeared'

_CRASH_

"Owowowowowowowowwwwie!" Yahiko was rubbing his head. Owwie. "What just happened?"

"We're in a diffrent demension!"

"We're in a dried-up _ditch,_ idiot."

All of the new, darling, cutest wittle sweetheart Chibi Akatsuki, had now fallen into what was sadly a dried-up old lake. Very steep, very hard to get out of.

Already bawling, wittle-bity Deidara just happened to notice the absense of something. And looked up, "Danna!"

Everyone followed, and they all got to see a nice, mocking view of wittle Sasori, standing up and the lip of the ditch, just watching them.

"Scary one!" Yahiko exclaimed. "You! go get help! go on! tell em' we're in a well or something!"

Sasori slowly blinked his eyes... Not moving.

"Sasori! is there a rope or something for us?"

No response...

"Sasori-chaaaan!" Thankfully, this was Konan. "Can you help us?"

And since it was Konan, Sasori had the courtesy to shake his head no.

_THUNK_

A rock sped up and wacked him in the center of the forehead. Thrown off balance, Sasori slipped down and into the ditch with them.

Deidara threw down his supply of back-up rocks. "Danna!" And so he jumped on him.

Everyone- especially Kakuzu- stared awestruck. "Oh my GOD."

"Nice one girly." Yahiko huffed.

_Knock, knock, knock._

Oh, more sound effects, The chibi's all turned around.

Tobi sat in the middle of their little hole. Pounding on the ground.

The dirt suddenly stirred, and Tobi started hopping in joy. Out popped a little green plant creature, named Zetsu, he smiled at everybody.

After a few moments, Konan pointed at him. "I want him too!"

Hidan also pointed happily. "SEE! SEE! FAIRIES _ARE_ REAL!"

Kakuzu stared agap at the little chibi human-plantoid creature that'd just popped out of the _dirt._

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Hidan shook him rapidly. He then paused for a few moments. "OHMYGOD DON'T KIDNAP ME!"

-Meanwhile, with the wonderful wizard Madara

"Mr. Madara, can we go farther into the woods to look?"

"No- that's cheating, you have to find everything on this trail."

Madara knew full-well this was not a pinecone forest, but that was the point.

He also knew they wouldn't run into any Poka-Dotted-Fruit-Trees that he also had on the list,

"Mr. Madara?"

"WHAT!"

"Is this the leaf you wanted us to find?" A little girl held up a pop-culture leaf-favorite.

"I know that one! it's in one of my Dads movies!"

"That's Mary-Jew-Anna!"

Madara swiped up the plant and flicked it into the woods. Drugs were bad, they warped your mind, and Madara was never a fan of warped minds, especially when trying to find a large group of small children.

"No kiddies, the leaf needs to be shaped like that, and be-... blue."

"There's blue leaves?"

"Yes." In the rainforest...

Madara wasn't having a very good time right now. He was holding two kids and had one on his shoulders. The older ones were incredibley suspicious of what-the-hell he was doing, and if one more kid said they had to pee he was going to kill himself.

_DAAAAAAMMIT._

It would be fine, yeah, none of the kids were scheduled to be picked up until at least six...

It was... three, yes, Madara had three hours to find them and bribe them into not telling their parents anything.

...Oh, he wished Hashirama wasn't thinking of dropping in for any check-ups.

-The Mayors Office

Hashirama was currently wondering if maybe he should spend his lunch break checking up on Madara... Hnnnnm...

A vase the flew across the room. "What the hell?"

He jumped up and went over to it. He looked at it. Nothing weird, just a broken blue vase. No super-powered magnet in it or the wall. He went to inspect were it had originally been. Nothing. The dust mark was still in the center of the endtable it was on.

He blinked, because today was the national day for blinking. "What the hell was _that?_"

-In the Akatsuki hole

All of the new little members of Akatsuki were poke-poke-poking their newest member Zetsu.

"Eeee! he's so CUUUTE!"

"What is he?"

"He's a FAIRY!"

"He's my friend!"

"What's that on his shoulders?"

"Can he talk?"

"He's kind of creepy."

"He's... he's... not cool at all... no... I'm cool... not him..."

"Danna dun' bite him!"

Zetsu-Chan was fine with this. It tickled~ tee hee~

It was allllll so fuuuuuun~

Oh, wait, they were stuck in a ditch. Oh yeah.

Slowly, once they had poked up as much as they could possibley poke at with Zetsu, they sat around and pondered this situation.

"I'm, um, kind of really hungry." Kisame mentioned again.

Deidara started bawling. A three-year-olds way of saying 'me too'

"Okay!" Yahiko did his declaration again. "We're gonna be for a while, so we're going to have to work together and build ourselves our own civit-anal-islotion!" ... "...Civ... it... al... eyes... afit shun- GAAAAAAAAAH!" Yahiko yanked his hair out and curled into the fetal postion.

Konan hurridly assumed his place. "Okay! our leader is incabapa-...inca-... in... ca... pass... it... ate... ed... right now! we all have to work to build our own-..." She quickly pointed to Nagato.

"Civilization."

"Yes!" She continued. "Now, we need food, water, houses, and a shelter. I don't know what a shelter is but that's what they talk about in the movies. So does anyone have any of those?"

Everyone checked their pockets... Kisame had a first aid kit and Kakuzu had a candybar...

Hidan threw his hands in the air. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIE!"

"_Aaaah!" _Nagato dived behind Konan's dress.

"Nuh-uh," Konan mused. "My friend Jiraiya says you won't die until you haven't eaten anything for three days."

"GIMME THAT CANDYBAR!" Hidan lunged for Kakuzu's candy. He held it out of the way.

"Nh! nh! nh!" Deidara started making grabby hands.

After a moments watching him, Kakuzu opened it and broke of a little piece. "I've giving Deidara some because he's the littlest."

"No!" Hidan shouted, jumping up, waving arms around, the whole tantrum. "That's not fair! no one's going to agree to that! you'll start a bloody mutiny!"

"...Actually, I'm fine with that."

"Me too."

"Awwww!"

"He's too cute!"

Deidara gnawed on the candybar while Hidan stood there... "...This is madness!" Hidan jumped on Deidara and tried to grab it away. "Gimme gimme gimme!"

While rolling around on the ground, they rolled over too close to Sasori...

_CHOMP_

"OW!"

"_Bad_ Danna!"

Konan rushed over to try and break them up. Kakuzu stashed away his candybar. While the two wittle Uchiha's were off in the corner.

"Okay Mr. Zetsu, We need lots of berries and nuts and some of the biggest leaves you can find~" Zetsu happily nodded before bobbing back into the dirt.

Tobi clapped approvingly, then he giddily skipped over to the others. Where Sasori was still gnawing on whatever parts of Hidan and Deidara he could reach.

Tobi patted over. Hidan was being dragged away screaming by Kakuzu while Deidara finally got the chance to crawl away. When Sasori flipped his head over to glare at Tobi, Tobi bent down and took a handful of dirt.

He threw it in Sasori's face, pulled out a clump of his hair, jerked his doll away from him and then wagged it infront of Sasori's tearing, wide-eyed face.

Everyone stared agap at the wittle punisher Mr. Tobi. Deidara gaspededed. "You! be nice to Danna!"

Tobi did a motion of what would have been a rolled-eyed sigh, only no noise came out, and no eyes were seen. He threw the doll at Sasori's face, who snatched it up and crawled over to a corner.

Konan came over. "Just say 'please stop eating them' next time Tobi~' " She explained.

Tobi cocked his head before eruptly holding his arms out for a hug and grabbing Konan. Who blinked confused.

-Back with Madara and his wonderous magical journey!

"Do you see anything? any people?"

"I WANNA GO _HOOOOOME!_" Wept poor wittle Orochimaru. Who after being the only one who couldn't run fast enough away from Madara, got _volunteered_ to scope out the area for 'needed items'

Which was why poor baby was latched to the top of a tree right now. "See anything? huh?"

"Look for a blue tree!"

"OROCHIMARU! OROCHIMARU CAN YOU SEE OUR HOUSE FROM HERE!"

"Uncle Madara?" Tsunade tugged on the mans pants leg. "Orochimaru's scared of heights."

He sneered down to her. "Well, sweetheart, _you_ couldof gotten to go up there if you didn't run away _screaming._ So, Orochi's just going to have to do this." Bending down to her level. "And, when we've found all the items on our little list, we can go back, and we can all have cookies. Okay? sweetheart?"

Tsunade blinked before spinning away and hiding at the back of the group.

Madara returned his attention to Orochimaru. "Are you sure you don't see anything? Nobody moving out there? Um- rival- uh, scavanger groups?"

"I WANNA _DIIIIIIIIE!_"

"So is that a no?"

-At the Akatsuki Nation

Zetsu bobbed back out of the dirt, setting out his little supply of chestnuts, berries of all kinds, all set onto little leaf plates.

"There, Hidan, you can eat."

"FOOOOD!" He darted over to it. "... How do we cook it?"

"You don't _cook it._ Just eat it."

"But I don't like cold shiiit~"

Kisame had already pounced on one of the leaf plates and was gobbling it's entirety.

"Well, you're the only one." Kakuzu shook his head.

Yahiko soon after grabbed a plate, followed by Deidara. The others continued in a much more sane manner.

Hidan stayed pouting. Just sitting there, glaring at the yucky, cold lunch he didn't want to eat. He only ate cold icecream! everything else was yuck! Like veggies and sandwiches and frozen pizza. That was especially bad...

But then his stomach growled, he was going to just whine about it again- but then he processed the evil, searing glare in his back.

Turning around, he felt in the pit of his soul that he was just sitting way too close to Sasori. So he decided to skuttle away- but, getting closer to the food translated to feeling hungrier.

After a moment of staring, Konan came over and handed him his plate. He snatched it and inhaled it. Yuuuum~

So, now that they had some good ole' natural sugar in their body, Yahiko was out of his humilation and giving orders and declarations through juicey juiceiness. "Ohm-bay. Sob, now ee aft tchu bebibe ob eep corber abe ab pip borger."

"Huh?"

Nagato swallowed his latest mouthful and translated. "Now we need to decide on a sleep corner and a pee corner."

Kakuzu had went on to trying to beat his chestnut open. During a breather- "Honestly I don't think we'll be here long. We're a bunch of kids meant to be looked after. Someone'll come soon."

-Meanwhile

"DAMMIT WHERE ARE THEY?"

"Are you having trouble finding a bird fontain too?"

"GAAAAAAH!"

-Back with the others

"Nonsense! we're in the middle of nowhere! this is our new land!" Hidan bellowed.

Nagato blinked at him, "You think we're in Lord of the Flies, don't you?"

"I keep thinking about Kid Nation." Kisame mumbled, he was the only one successful with opening his chestnut.

"Kisa, can you open mine please?" Itachi cooed.

"Kisa Kisa! mine too please!" Was Konan.

"This one two!"

"PWEASE PWEASE!"

Kakuzu himself even gave up. "... Please?"

Oh gawd, Kisame never felt so loved.

He opened everyones chestnuts with his little knife and handed them off. Oh yes, this was a very happy day of Kisame~

Meanwhile, after gobbling his own, Deidara brought a leaf over to Danna~

"Danna Danna! Lookie it's yummy!"

Sasori glared at him before going back to glaring at the air.

"Common Danna~ I know you're hungwy~ you wuz' eating people all day!"

Sasori ignored him.

"Lookie lookie! yummy yummy!" He wagged a handful of messy berries in his wittle hand.

Sasori stared at it for a minute, before he just pushed the wittle hand away.

Deidara watched him for a few minutes. "...Danna I think you might be stupid." Sasori glared at him fiercely for another minute. "What? I think you really are!"

But back with the others...

Yahiko finally emptied his plate and sucked his hands clean. "Hnm, oh-tay, so, we- uuuum." He looked around. And pointed to his right. "I like that corner for sleeping."

"I have to pee."

"Use that corner then." Pointing to the left.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew."

"It's not _ew_ it's perfectly natural!"

"You're a GIRL. What about when YOU have to pee?"

"Then I'll go in a corner!"

"I don't wanna pee in a corner where a girl pees!"

"That's how you get cooties!"

While Hidan and Konan argued about the deceases mixed peeing gives you. Wittle Itachi was lapping the last of the juice off his hands when Kisame leaned over to him.

" 'Tachi?"

"Yes?"

"How long are we gonna be here? really?"

He finished his hand and then neatly folded his leaf. "Likely sometime before or just after dark."

Kisame blinked. Blink blink. "You really think so?"

Itachi nodded actively.

-Sceeeene change! it's a really good thing that- chaaangeees the-eh sc-eeene!

Madara really, really, _really_ hated kids.

Especially this particular group of kids, which were evil little assholes. That were going to bring about a heart attack in him. For the soul reason of- he would enduce in on himself just to _end this insanity!_

And the that would leave these kids lost and crying, and Hashirama would have the shame of allowing a unhealthy man like him to care for and lose these cute little children, who- if not killed by a bear, or a giant fly monster, would probably be irreversably traumatized forever more.

...Haha, and they could blame Hashi. So much for re-election, the ass.

Madara now had to move two kids to his shoulders while he added Orochimaru to his carrying list. Because after getting him out of the tree, Orochimaru was paralyzed on a frieghtening level.

The kids were actually getting less and less suspicious, they were convinced no one would do something this stupid for this long if it wasn't for fun.

Ah, their sweet innocence. If only there were more of them, no?

Madara continued on trudging through the barely walkable paths, telling various kids to shut up and every once and a while checking Orochimaru's pulse.

Thiswasbad thiswasbad thiswasbad thiswasbad- ...

Madara blinked. _Blink, blink, blink._ Was that a mark on that tree over there?

It was! it was a mark! WOOOOOOOOO! One of those little fucktards was smart enough to mark the trail! YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

"Hey- uh- kids- I think that's a blue tree!" He pointed to the one infront of him.

"That trees not blue!"

"Yes it is- it's just the way the lights hitting it- everyone get as many leaves as you can off of it. I'm- uh- gonna-... take a leak."

"Ewwy!"

"That's gross!"

"Yeahyeah whatever." He put Orochimaru down. "And- uhhh- get extra leaves for Orochimaru, okay?"

"Oh-taaaaay!"

Alright, military mode on. Madara looked around- if they've been on this trail- and they were walking at this exact angle- for this long- then the Daycare was that way and the trail must have been leading- THAT WAY!

Dashing off now.

-Back with Akatsuki

"Okay! so it's been decided!" Yahiko announced. Um, in a announcing voice. "That corner is Poopville. That corner is Peetopia. That corner is Sleeptown. That area is Kitchenland. And this area is Miss-genie-alley-ness-alley."

"OKAAAAAY." They all finally echoed together. After the very, very, very long debate.

There was a loud squeeky sound, they noticed it had come from Zetsu. "What is it Zetsy?"

He retreated into the ground, everyone hopped over to look down it. "Do the fairies live in China?"

Hidan jumped up. "Everything makes sense now!"

_CRASH_

"The hell-" Madara shook his head. Registered the kids. And his mind exploded in a big, rainbow-colored orgasm of YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

Tobi raised his arms and hopped up and down. Mute demon child speak for: 'Hi Daddy!'

"Where the hell have you kids been!"

While a bunch of them _ummm'd_ for a while, Itachi-Chan just blinked. "...Right here."

Madara stood up. "Okay common- listen here's the deal- if you don't tell your Mommy's and Daddy's about any of this-" He paused... "... I won't tell your Mommy's and Daddy's about this.

"OKAAAAAAAY." They were well rehearsed.

"But how are we gonna get out!" Yahiko yelled. "Now _you're_ stuck here too!"

Madara blinked. He looked behind him. The pit was about the depth of himself. Soooo... "...I think we'll do fine."

Nearest by, he plucked Sasori up by the collar, and set him back up on real land.

"Okay, common, who want's to play 'lift to safety'?"

Loud, constaint, excited shouts of MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEE!

-Back at the beautiful Akatsuki Daycare!

Konan pulled back to look at Madara. "Mister Maddie, you can be in our group if you want~"

"I said stop calling me Maddie." He spouted back.

Deeper in the woods then orginally believed, Madara finally got all the little tikes back to the Daycare roughly five minutes before people started to arrive.

"Madara?" Hashirama blinked. "Why- do you... uhhhhh... Hello?"

Hashirama examined closely the look on his friends face. That was... Hashirama- he'd seen that face only few times before... It was a face he _loved._

It was Madara's 'Yeah you were right you uptight ass' face...

No words had to be exchanged between the two. They knew eachother too well...

So while Madara would go home tonight and sulk. Hashirama would go home, and once no one was looking, he would jump up and click his heels together. All the while singing

_Madara fucked uuuuuup~ Madara fucked uuuuuup~ Madara fucked uuuuuup~ _

He would never discovor why, but, alas, he was happy he had seen it again. He hadn't seen it in _years._ Not since his bachelor party when Madara had been convinced Mito would want to blame Hashirama for the whole 'three-hours-late-to-the-wedding' thing.

Tsunade, too annoyed by the whole days events. Chose not to say anything. Plus, Madara promised he'd buy her a Barbie Horse Princess playset. And she broke her old one beating Jiraiya with it.

While Hashirama mentally celebrated- that was when Fugaku Uchiha walked in. "... Madara, you look terrible."

"Fuck... you..." He managed to growl out.

Fugaku, confused but very expectant of this finding, rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Itachi-... Itachi why are you so _dirty?_"

Itachi looked up at his Daddy. "... I helped Uncle Maddie bring outside toys inside." he blinked, oh, so innocently. "... It's gonna rain later."

Fugaku glanced at his son and the looked back at Madara. "I don't know what this is, but if my son starts acting like you, I'm looking into the database for any past crimes that haven't reached the limitations date yet." He grabbed Itachi's hand. "You hear that? Everything Madara does is what _not_ to do."

Well, _duh._

Itachi blinked, looking at his fathers leg. His mouth opened just slightly-

"Common Itachi- ugh, you need a bath." His father tugged him along.

Itachi's mouth closed again. Maybe another time.

Before they could get out the door, Itachi was snatched by Konan. "Bye Itachi!" She kissed his cheek, he giggled.

"Bye Konan~" He perked up. "Bye Kisame!"

"Bye Itachi!" Kisame yelled, he was in the bathroom, trying to clean himself up.

"Let's go Tsunnie, we'll wait for Mom at home."

She turned around. "Bye Jiraiya." She waved at the ground. "Bye... Orochi..."

The boy was still limp on the floor. Unmoving.

Next up to arrive was Tetsuya Itakura. "How's he doing?"

"Fine, actually. He got messy outside-" _Madara was fine to mention it now, Hashirama would have done the math-_ "But I think he feels better."

Kakuzu staggered up. He was doing his own form of math- realizing he was the only one who had blackberries on his leaf-plate. "...I think my stomaches bad now..."

Tetsuya blinked. Uh-oooooh. He turned to Madara. "You don't have a trashcan, do you?"

Madara handed him such.

Tetsuya gave it to his son. "Okay, Kakuzu, hold this infront of you while we drive, okay?"

"Hnnnng."

Hidan tumbled over. "Kuzu? Eh? What's wrong?"

"Don't talk to me you bleaming idiot." Kakuzu moaned.

"Kuzy!" Konan skipped over. "I hope you get better again~"

Konan gave him a big, wet kiss on the cheek. Suddenly his tummy was alittle better. _This girl was magic!_

And so, poor wittle Kuzy followed his father on out.

Next notable to arrive was Mito.

"Hello kids! did you all have a nice day?"

"Yeeeees!" Said the group. Excluding Orochimaru. Who- um, yeah.

Konan jumped up over to her. "Missus Mito- I didn't rip my dress but it got all dirty!"

"Oooh~ you've been playing all day haven't you?" She cooed. Then she noticed Yahiko. "Yahiko, what's all over your face?"

"The bestest berries I ever ateded." He mumbled out.

Right then was when Onoki, poor, poor old Onoki, snuck in, walking against the wall. "Is it here? Is it still moving?"

"GAMPA!"

"AHHHHGH!" Onoki yelled- thankfully, Deidara stopped when he got to him- back tracked- and tackled Sasori, who had decided his new hiding spot was under Madara's desk, who everyone was usually too scared to approch.

"Danna Danna! bye-bye!" He then jumped back away before Sasori was able to register his hatred and bite him yet again.

Konan grabbed Deidara when he came out. "Bye-bye Deidara!" She gave him his own big kissy that he giggled happily at.

When he re-approched Onoki, he looked down at him. "Deidara what are you _covored_ in?"

Madara stared at all the stains Deidara had on himself. "Oh, yeah, uhm, the kids got to have muffins today." Onoki stared at him, "...Blueberry muffins... Whole wheat, of course."

Speaking of blueberry muffins, once Onoki became ignorant enough not to push the matter, a little darling hand tugged at Madara's pantleg. "Bye bye Mr. Maddie!"

Mito came over to collect the child. "Well, Madara. This whole time I was positive you wern't an idiot, but never once did I think you out to be _likable_."

"Uuuuh-huuuuh." He mumbled. "Yeah, right. Kid, no more Maddie buisness."

"_Pleaaaaaaaase?_"

"Oh, Madara, she said _please._" Mito mocked.

Maddie just _hated _himself. And God, and Izuna, and the local bus company.

Konan went to cling to Mito's leg while the woman looked around. "...Orochimaru?"

"Yeah, uhhh, I dunno what happened to him."

Mito picked up the limp, wide-eyed, unmoving boy. "This is what happens sometimes. Last it was when a Bee landed on him. She beckoned the remaining boys over to her. "Alright, time to go, say bye-bye."

Konan dashed over to the underneith of Madara's desk. "Bye Sasori!" Not even a flinch to bite when she kissed his cheek.

She came out and caught Kisame coming out of the bathroom. "Bye Kisa!" She Kiss-ah'd him right on the cheek. He slumped, dazed, against the wall. Sliding down slowly.

She turned around "Hidan!"

"AAAAGH!" Hidan screamed. "COOTIES! COOTIES!"

She began chasing him around the room. Wow, poor babies.

This was when Hidan's mother came. "Hello- he wasn't any trouble was he?"

"Noooo." Madara moaned out. "He was an _aaaaangeeeeeel._"

"AHHHH!"

"Hidan! gimme goodbye kiss!"

Immidiantly, Kamiko's eyes began to water. "Ohmidear he has a friend!"

After a few more laps around the room, Konan's little legs caught up to him tackled him, and held him down while she smothered him with cootie-kisses.

She then jumped back up, as he tried to tear his skin off, and jumped up to the desk. "And Tobi!"

Kissing the front of his mask, she then returned to Mito's side.

Mito, who blinked. "...I didn't know Tobi was here."

Madara blinked, also. "Yeaaaaah." He patted his sons head. "Bye kid."

Tobi jumped down and ran to stand directly under Mito's skirt. Haha, that cheered Maddie up.

Konan, herself, looked up to Orochimaru, lowered down while Mito tried to move Tobi.

"And poor Orochimaru~" She pecked him on the cheek too. He convulsed, for a second. But he was still pretty limp.

Mito and the children all left. Konan gotted to kiss Zetsu-chan too. He popped up just before they got in the car~

Kamiko Ai lifted her son, screaming on the floor, and after many apoligies, she left again.

Finally, Etsuko Hoshigaki. Terribley tired, and zombie-like. Came inside. "Hello, it's a meet to pleasure you again." She mumbled out. "May I please have my son? The bus driver said I have two minutes."

"Hi Mommy~"

"Oh hello baby how was your day I love you lets go home you can have cereal for dinner tonight." She blubbered out. He followed her, waving to Madara. "Bye Mr. Madara~"

"Hng." Madara mumbled out. Finally, it was empty. Madara- not wanting to let a beat pass where he might end up flashbacking to the days events- turned to pick up the microwave that kinda-sorta started the whole mess.

It was stuck...

Madara wanted to sleep. He'd set his internal alarm clock and come back in the morning.

Without a moments waste, he walked to the door, took the keys and turned off the lights...

...

... "... Wait."

He turned the lights back on.

He walked back over to his desk and knelt down. Sasori Akasuna was still curled up, unmoving, underneith it. Glaring at the air.

"Common boy, common, get out, common." He urged him. After no luck Madara rolled his eyes, and just grabbed him.

It took a minute for Sasori to register it, but then he started trying to bite Madara's wrists. Nothing, nothing, Madara's been shot in the head five times. He'd fine.

Putting the boy on his hip, he went out the door and locked the Daycare. "Okay, twerp. Your Grannies got five minutes. It's not Friday." He looked up at the sky. "Izuna, if this is you punishing me, give me a brotherly love break and get her here right now." ... "NOW!"

_Clunka-clunka-clunka-BAM_

Yup, Izuna still love Maddie. He's just employed himself as Madara's karma distributer.

Chiyo came up the drive, in her clunky car, after five minutes of nothing, where Madara wondered if maybe, hopefully, she was dead. She just HAD to come out, and collect her grandson.

"What's he been doing?" She grumbled. Then she actually looked at him "...What has he been _doing?_"

Madara blinked. Looked at the poor, battered boy, and the back at Chiyo. "...Playing."

Chiyo stood there, blinked, and then took him. "...Okay." She then took him to the car, threw him in, and then they were off. Finally.

Madara rolled his eyes... thinking- WOW. These parents all suck pretty bad.

He continued down the walk- screw the bus, he wanted to walk the- what- fifty? block/miles/something to his house. He was fine. The night's cold air was good for fixing his blood pressure.

He looked back up at the sign. AKATSUKI CARE... The second 'A' suddenly became crooked.

"...This is the start of something bad."

Bad, good, epic, legendary, insane.

What's the diffrence when it comes to _Akatsuki?_

-**End Chapter**-

**PPPPPPS: **Normally I wouldn't say this- but- as I sit here, in my bed, so very late at night- and really let the length of this chapter sink in- I have to say. I think it _may_ make up for the wait...

8D IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING. I FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED IT. WOOOOOT!

There's alot of typos near the end, though. Terrible APOLGIEZ. I was gonna fix it but I wanted to post it before I felt any more bad- what has it been- six months? Gasp. But anyway-

8D Someone's offered to help revise SOS. 8D Yayz. COATM needs to be revised, and only I will do it, because personally, I don't want anyone else to see it again. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

My darlingest beta ish still busy, but I know she will be back eventually! because I'm just mind-wrenchingly sweet and optimistic like that. XD

This will be picking up, hopefully, since the chapters are no longer to be planned. I just have a list of activities for them to do and will write it out as I pick.

I have one story that won't be posted until it's complete. Awesomeness, I tell ya, awesomness! and then I have to finish the revision of 100 ways to Annoy Akatsuki. Which will be followed by a Akatsuki Halloween Fanfic, and yeah. 8D

My birfdays wuz on August 25th! 8D I-_wuz_-six-teen-going-on-seven-teen~ And Naruto will be my Ralph that will never be a Nazi. 8D

...GOOD MORNING U.S.A.! I GOT A FEELING THAT IT'S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY! THE SUN IN THE SKY- HAS A SMILE ON HIS FACE- AND HE'S SHINING A SALUTE TO THE AMERICAN RAAAACE!

On a random note, which is really just the copy-and-pasting of a blabber-fest that has no earthly sense for being here other then to consme your time- because I have a mild- very mild considering I do it myself- pet peeve that- If they're not speaking japanese they shouldn't be saying japanese words- I checked through SOS out of wonder.

The only times I used the word 'Chibi' was to discribe Sasori several times. And one time when discribing Tobi's braincells.

'Bi-Shonen' was used three times. Once when discribing Tobi's outfit. Once discribing Sasori's charm. and once aloud by Kakuzu, commenting on Hidan's relationship with Jashin.

The only time the word 'Yaoi' was used was in Konan's line: "Hidan has already recharged, using the power of Jashin-Sama's yaoi love."

PFFFFFFT. BWAHAHA.

Anyway, as for honorfics, well, who can resist? Dei-Dei-_CHAAAAAAN,_ Hidy-_KUUUUUUUN,_ Konan-_SEMPAAAAAAAAI,_ Sori-no-_DANNAAAAAAAAAAAAA._

But only when it can roll of the tongue and it sounds right in their voice tone. Something about the Uchiha brothers exchanging 'Aniki' and 'Ototou' so often is absurdly off.

Nothing wrong with a baby Sasuke cooing 'ITACHI-_NII-SAAAAN' _In the near future though. XD

Things I've noticed for THIS story: In the Saso and Dei chapter, Sasori was mentioned as both six and seven. Typing fail-

Sasori is six. Deidara is three. Kakuzu is seven. Hidan is four. Kisame is six. Itachi is four. Konan, Nagato and Yahiko are five. Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru are six. Tobi is four. And Zetsu is five...

Yes, plants have age. 8D

Sasuke is negative three. 8D

Things I won't hate you for giving me lots of:

OC's

Reviews

Activities for Akatsuki to do

And cookies. 8D Chocolate chip plz.

I love YOOOOOOOOU!


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